51. Actions speak louder

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On Thursday morning Kate and Jamie left Castle to get some writing done, since Gina had already left three messages asking for the next chapter. Apparently his efforts during lunch didn't lead to any extra time to finish his latest chapter, but she hadn't mentioned having drinks so he really couldn't complain.

Kate and Jamie used the opportunity to stroll through the city, buying Jamie a new coat and a hat, and they only made a quick stop at Kate's apartment when they were frozen stiff.

Kate wanted to make up for her absence over the past days and not only with Jamie but with Castle and Alexis too. Castle's words that had implied she didn't care about Alexis still stung deeply and she was determined to prove him wrong.

So she pulled out her duffle bag and packed enough clothes for herself to stay at the loft until Monday, grabbing some extra stuff for Jamie as well before they headed out the door again.

Castle opened the door for them, a curious look on his face when he saw the bag over Kate's shoulder, but his attention was being pulled away by his daughter who flung herself into his arms.

"Hi Daddy," she grinned from ear to ear, "Look, new coat."

"Hey there," Castle kissed her on the forehead and then stepped back to admire her new attire. "Wow look at you, looking all grown-up." He winked at Kate but Jamie didn't get the joke and looked down at herself.

"Yes?" She asked, looking a bit confused and Castle picked her up shaking his head.

"Nah, you still look like my little princess and I hope you'll stay like this for as long as possible," he glanced at Kate, who looked like she knew exactly what he meant.

"Hey," Kate grinned and then stepped toward him to place a soft kiss on his lips, while Jamie was still sitting on his hip, but was struggling to get down.

"What's the bag for?" he asked, curious and stepping back to let Jamie go.

"I thought we could stay here until Monday, if that's okay with you. You told me you need me here on Saturday anyway for that mysterious birthday surprise, though my birthday is on Sunday," she pointed out, "but I figured -," the rest of her sentence was lost in his kiss as he pulled her close again her bag hitting the floor and Jamie staring at her parents who had seemed to have forgotten she was right there.

"Hello?" she protested, putting one of her tiny feet on the ground with emphasize, causing Kate and Castle to break apart, slightly embarrassed.

"Whoops," Castle smiled sheepishly, "got carried away."

Kate chuckled, her cheeks pink as she leant down to tug on her daughter's coat, "Hey, do you want to come with me and pick Lexi up from school?"

"No," Jamie shook her head, "it's cold." She clattered her teeth together as if she was still outside and not currently standing in Castle's very well heated living room in her new winter coat.

"You're staying with Daddy then?" Kate asked and Jamie nodded, her little fingers fumbling with the zipper of her coat and Kate quickly knelt down, helping her out of it and her shoes. As soon as Jamie was done she skittered away in search of her toys, leaving her parents at the door.

"You don't have to," he told her slowly, "the car service can pick Alexis up."

"But I want to," she told him sincerely and he suddenly had an idea where this was coming from.

"Kate, if this is about what I said -," she silenced him with her index finger on his lips.

"I want to pick Alexis up," she told him again and then with one last quick kiss on his lips she opened the door and left him standing a little stunned in his living room.

"Alexis!" Kate called out and waved when the girl looked her way, her blue, bright eyes beaming as she ran over to Kate.

"Hey," Alexis greeted her happily and Kate pulled her close, placing a kiss on top of her head as if it was the most natural thing in the world, "Where's Dad?"

"Oh, it's just me today," Kate shrugged, "Your Dad and Jamie stayed home."

Alexis gave her shy, hesitant look, "Just you and me?"

Kate nodded, suddenly worrying that Alexis might not be as delighted about the situation as she had hoped.

But Alexis quickly took her worries away, as she grinned from ear to ear and put her small hand into Kate's as they started to walk down the street.

"So how was school today?" Kate asked, interested to hear what Alexis had learned and the girl didn't waste a minute to tell her all about it. She had gotten an A in her math test and proudly showed it to Kate who suggested they'd celebrate it with ice cream.

"That's what Dad always says. Actually it's one of his rules," Alexis giggled, "but you know what?"

"No, what?" Kate asked eagerly.

"I think he just made that rule up so he could eat more ice cream," Alexis told her conspiratorial, making Kate chuckle.

"That's sounds just like your father," she nodded.

"But we can't tell him that we know," Alexis went on, looking dead serious and Kate gave her a tight nod in return.

"It's our secret," she confirmed and noted that Alexis accepted this with a proud smile.

"How did things with your volcano work out last week?" Kate asked, remembering the special night shift Castle had to put in and gauging Alexis' reaction carefully.

"Great," Alexis told her, "Dad made the coolest volcano ever, with lava and everything. It looked really cool," she told Kate, but then her face fell. "I just wished I hadn't forgotten. Dad worked on it all night and I know he wanted to have dinner with you and Jamie."

"Alexis," Kate stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, leaning down so she could look into the girl's eyes, "It's just dinner, there will be plenty of other opportunities for us to have dinner together. Don't worry about it. We all forget stuff from time to time. I do too."

"Really?" Alexis looked up at her with slightly teary eyes.

"Sure," Kate nodded, "just last week I forgot that I had promised your dad to be home in time to help him prepare dinner. It happens," she told Alexis sincerely, she hadn't intended for her question to make Alexis feel miserable or guilty, "and it's nothing to be ashamed of or to worry your cute little head about, okay? You and Jamie will always come first."

To Kate's surprise Alexis wrapped her arms around her neck, jumping up into her arms and Kate quickly slid hers around the girl, lifting her up. Alexis legs coming around Kate's waist as they stood in the middle of the sidewalk hugging each other, oblivious to the world around them.

"I love you, Kate," Alexis whispered and Kate's grip tightened, a lump forming in her throat.

"I love you too, Pumpkin," she whispered back, "very much," and then she set her back down, taking her hand again into her own, "Come on, let's go home and have some ice cream."

"I know I screwed up," Kate told him later that day when they sat on the couch with a glass of wine, "but I promise it won't happen again."

She wasn't looking at him, kept staring at the red liquid in her glass and he thought she would leave it at that because she had told him most about her reasons the night she came home and they had sat in the bath tub together, but to his surprise she lifted her eyes to meet his and went on.

"I thought I couldn't bring all of what happened, all the dark feelings and emotions home with me to you and the girls," she sighed and he noticed again how often during the last week she had called the loft their home, not just his and Alexis'. And he had to control himself not to act on it.

"I thought I couldn't take it. I feared that once I'd see Jamie and Alexis," she fiddled with the hem of his shirt, "that I wouldn't be able to go back. But I was wrong." She smiled at him shyly, "being home helped, gave me new strength. It made it easier to go back and face the darkness."

Castle reached for her hand, pulling her into him, "I told you you don't have to do it alone anymore."

She nodded and then went on, "It was unfair," she stopped, started again, "I was unfair and you were right even if it would have broken me, even if it would have made things harder, I can't just stay away because you are there now. It's not fair to you."

"No, it isn't," he confirmed.

"And Castle," she looked at him, "you were right I wouldn't have left her with Cynthia. But you're not her babysitter or just someone I left her with," she sighed, fearing she didn't make any sense. "Left is not the right word. I didn't leave her with you, I could never leave her with you."

Castle looked at her confused, even a little hurt.

"No, that's not what I mean," she shook her head, reaching out for him, "I can leave her with Cynthia but not with you, you're her dad, she belongs here with you just as much as with me," she growled frustrated, "I'm not making any sense."

Castle moved closer to her, "I think I know what you mean. It's like me going on a book tour. I wouldn't leave Jamie and Alexis with you like I would leave them with my mother. I just wouldn't be home for a couple of days, right?"

"Right, only I could have come home but didn't which is simply neglect," she stated, ashamed.

"Hey," he made her look at him, "we all make mistakes. It was your first real case, right? The first were you didn't simply observe and you lost your way for a while, it happens. What's important is that we learn from our mistakes. Don't think I always make the right decisions when it comes to Alexis. I always try, but I know I fail sometimes."

Kate nodded, accepting what he said.

"Plus I know there will be times were you can't make it home because you're working a lead or something else comes up and I want you to know that I totally understand and you can always count on me to hold up the fort on those nights. I just don't want you to hide from us because you think you have to do it on your own."

"Thank you Castle," she whispered, leaning into him to wrap her arms around his neck, "I know I don't really deserve this, you should be furious."

He shook his head, "I was angry, yes. But it wouldn't get us anywhere if I wasn't willing to listen and forgive you."

"Am I forgiven?" she asked quietly.

"You're forgiven," he mumbled into her neck. "Just remember doing the same for me when I screw up."

"I will," she promised and then she gasped as she felt his lips sucking her pulse point. He took the glass out of her hand placing it on the coffee table. He had enough with all the serious talking.

"Castle," she shrieked as he scooped her up into his arms.

"As much as I would love to do naughty things to you right here, I thinks it's safer we move things to the bedroom," he told her with a wicked grin, loved how they could go from serious to playful.

"What if I want to do naughty things to you, Castle?" She challenged him and the look in her eyes made him swallow hard.

"You'll get your turn," he finally stuttered and almost ran them into the door frame as one of her hands sneaked under his shirt, pinching his nipple.

"Then get moving," she told him before her teeth caught his earlobe.

"Stop distracting me," he whined, finally maneuvering them through the door.

"I thought that was the whole point of taking things to the bedroom," she teased him, her mouth travelling down his throat.

"Kate," he growled.

"No one asked you to pick me up and carry me," she told him while slowly unbuttoning his shirt to expose more of his skin.

"If that's so then you surely won't mind -," he let go of her and with a shriek she landed on top of his bed and before she could come up with a witty remark he was all over her.

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AN: I needed a little filler to give Castle some time for birthday preperations ;-) I hope you enjoyed it anyway.