The price of independence. BD
13 years ago
The next weekend my father sent me a link to suitable schools. In every school, he was either on the board or he knew someone on the board. "Just pick one of the schools. It doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that you get a law degree," he had said.
I should be happy that, unlike the 80% of applicants to Ivy League schools, I would get in but I wasn't. I wanted my father to care about me for once in his life, I wanted him to ask me what I wanted to study. So like every young person in my situation would have done, I deleted the message.
-Which school did you decide on? 4.06 pm
-Lucas, I need your response to get back to the board as soon as possible. 5.03 pm
There were two other messages from him but I never replied. He came back home, stormed into my room and broke my TV. He wanted to punch me but I shoved him out of my room. That was the last time he ever tried to touch me.
The next morning, my cars were gone. I tried to order pizza online but found out that my cards were blocked. A call to the bank confirmed that all my accounts were frozen.
According to the security, I was also not allowed to leave the house. A single message was waiting on my Macbook; You would do well in Havard. Start the application to get your car keys and re-activate your cards.
My face was the only similarity that I had with my mother, I wondered if I had her stubbornness. Through pictures, I gathered that my mother was short, had black eyes and her hair was curly. Grandpa had called her feisty so I guessed my constant state of anger was not far-fetched.
The first day after he basically took everything from me, I had the Macbook and internet connection to keep my company. It was not the weekend so there was no luck talking to Brittany. The second day, I resorted to watching movies.
By the Third day, the Netflix subscription had also been removed. My father left just enough for me to start the application. A system and internet connection.
The incident should have opened my eyes to the lengths that My father could go to get what he wanted. I thought his attitude was towards me but it was not until later that I realized that my father treated anyone and everything the same way. He threatens until he gets what he wants.
If threatening did not work, he made do with the threats. He removed obstacles and made them disappear. Unfortunately, I was his only son so he had to wait for me to come around.
At the end of the third day, I was losing my mind from having nothing to do. I must have gained more muscles from excessive exercise in those three days than from my two years of boxing. By the fourth day, I was prepared to call the emergency line as a last resort.
But the thought of what my father would do scared me. I did not know the extent he would go and I didn't want to find out. So, I held onto the fact that it would soon be the weekend and she would be with me.
Even at eighteen and depraved of love, I held on to Brittany.
Like a knight in shining armour, she saved me. I should have been ashamed to tell her what I was going through but talking to her was easy. Paul and some other guys in school opened up to me but I never gave them the full details of anything going on at home.
I also didn't tell Brittany everything but she understood. She was younger, ignorant of what an unhappy home was but she got me. "Come here, pretty face," she had said after I told her. She hugged me, it was my first hug that year.
According to her, I had no other choice than to apply to a school and if I was being honest, Harvard was a good choice. Brittany made it look like I had a choice even though we both knew that I had no choice.
"Studying Law at Harvard is good, Lucas. It doesn't even matter that your father knows someone on the board, your grades are good. You could get in on your own"
I didn't think I could get in without help but when Brittany said things like that, I felt like I could do anything. Her optimism lifted my spirits.
"Well, we wouldn't know that now," I replied.
"I know but we are going to try our best with the application. So, what are we doing first?" She already had a pen and book out, ready to start.
"Do you want to learn how to box? Or get on the treadmill, you could lose a little weight in your ass."
She glared at me and waved her tiny fingers in mock anger. I thought she was cute while angry. "This is serious, Lucas. We need to start the application. I don't know how to help you if you aren't serious about it"
"Sorry, I…I am serious. We need to get started on submitting an online form and then writing application essays, high school reports, and recommendation letters."
And then we got started.
We checked out sample application letters online and I wrote one with the guideline. Brittany reviewed the essays and gave honest opinions. I couldn't get around to completing my registration because my credit card was blocked.
Later, we settled on sending my progress to my father. His response was immediate. Almost as if he was waiting for me to come around. According to my father, I had shown responsibility by starting the application.
And as a show of agreement, my bank accounts were unfreezed and one of the lawyers in the company would guide me with the remaining part of my application.
My father's rules were simple; do whatever he wants without question. He wanted a docile son who would do anything without question. He won with the application but I knew that my obedience had a time frame.
Brittany was ecstatic about the news. She said our efforts were not in vain. I didn't want to dampen her mood with my issues so I just sucked it up and smiled.
"In the university, you could take business administration as a minor. At the end of the day, your Dad would come around. Everything would be fine. Okay?" I didn't want to correct her; Carlisle Ferguson was my Father not Dad.
She also didn't know that everything was not going to be okay. Not with my father forcing his commands on me but I kept quiet. "Enough about me, what do you want to study in college?"
She wanted to study architecture, it was beautiful to watch her talk passionately about the trend of architecture in the world. Her face lit up while she spoke. The only things that could make me light up were decoding numbers and talking to Brittany.
We spent time talking about Brittany's plans for college. For a seventeen-year-old, she had her life planned out; she had all the tiny details down to her travel options planned out in her head. The only challenge was financial constraints.
Life was sure funny. Some of us were being forced to attend college while those who desired to attend college could not afford it. "You could join me at Havard," I said jokingly.
"Harvard is definitely on my list. If I snatch a full ride then I guess, I would see you there"
It was almost impossible to snatch a full ride there, only 2% of their applicants get the rare opportunity. The odds were against her but she still wanted to try. Brittany might be sheltered but she had a fighting spirit.
I listened as she rambled on about her choices and her plans regarding each school. She already put a lot of thought into applying for school and I felt happy that she shared her university plans with me. As always, I felt a sense of loss when she had to leave that weekend.
For further compensation, my father offered me an opportunity to participate in a physical internship at the office and I declined. Before Brittany, I would have jumped at the idea of interning at the office but doing that would mean that I wouldn't see her again. I guessed one win was enough for my father at that point because he didn't push again.
I got my car back. My credit cards worked and the gatekeeper didn't stop me when I drove out of the house a few nights later. But while I parted at Will's I considered confronting my father. Alcohol aided my wishful thinking because I never confronted him until it was too late.
Until I lost everything that gave me hope.
Fear stopped me from fighting my father's hold over my life and it stopped me from protecting Brittany. My mistake was fear and Brittany's was being friends with me.