GRANNY

I was already sitting in the carriage and being dragged to Maryoak, my paternal grandmother's place. Despite the name of the place sounding so sweet, it was anything but that. I tried so hard to resist today, but knowing that she would come here led me to go to her place myself.

I was wearing a white gown with pastel pink floral patterns and slight makeup on my face, looking all very elegant. I had my hair braided this time as it was starting to feel warm. I was praised for my beauty each second, no soul is as pure as Lady Erendis. 

How do they know that? 

I felt like scoffing at them each time but no, I couldn't. My parent's house, I had to leave in two months and I preferred them having fond and sweet memories of me so I endured all the praises from all the servants and guards. It hurt me when even my family and Alisha said it. 

But how could they know? 

Nobody knows, I couldn't open my mouth.

How can I get angry at something they don't even know? 

Question comes, why can't I open my mouth? Or rather why didn't I ever open my mouth even in the past?

Well, the first reason is them not suspecting anything wrong with me and more like a goodbye gift. As for the second one, we are heading towards the reason.

My brother Jayden who is about 2 years younger than me was escorting me to the mansion and taking a quick leave as he has practice for archery training. He was the most silent one in the house, usually people would say that it would be the elder brother but that wasn't really the case.

My elder brother was much more lively and was quite nosey in my life as well. He pampered me to bits, I loved him very much but I slightly dislike his habit of over protecting me. 

There was this one time when a guy was asking for directions in the palace of Alavaria, my brother who happened to pass by saw me speaking to him. Poor guy being thankful was smiling and showing his gratitude, my brother instantly came and knocked him off.

Quite literally.

He came and with a jerk of his hand on that other man's shoulder went flying to land his face.

From then on, rumours flew and no man dared to even approach me.

At that time, I was utterly shocked and tried my best to knock some sense into his brain but that never worked out. Eventually, I just let him be.

But the special one out of all this, was Jayden.

Golden blonde hair similar to mine fell down his shoulders and serene cerulean blue eyes composed his beauty. He was as beautiful as the silent expanse of the deep blue sea whilst the sun hitting down its radiance endeavoured tranquillity. 

Wow, I am as good as Ari.

The extreme level of a quiet child and a studious person. He and his books were seen wherever, at one point people assumed he was going to marry books. Even now, in front of me he has a book in his hands and is reading. He is an adorable child, at least I think so, as he comes off as cold and distant to many people.

The reason for his behaviour is quite simple, he's very introverted and I respect that. I let him be and every once in a while he would glance at me and then bury his nose in his book. Despite being a bookworm, don't underestimate him, he excels in studies as well as long ranged attacks.

He's a great archer.

I preferred this comfortable silence we had between each other, no one spoke but it never felt awkward. We acknowledge each other's presence and that's enough, we provide enough comfort by staying by each other's side. But today something was different, I could feel it.

He was uneasy about something but he wasn't really sure how to speak. I let him think while I stared outside the window admiring the scenery.

In a few minutes I was already feeling sleepy, the maids woke me up early in the morning to dress me up. I was feeling so tired after hours of sitting straight and letting them play with me like a doll. So I rested my head on the carriage's interior. 

I kept on bumping my head as there were gravels causing the carriage to slightly shake and it was irritating me. Soon enough Jayden hopped on my side, surprising me, I looked at him blinking my eyes. He touched the side of my head and gently pushed it on his shoulder.

I smiled at his thoughtfulness, and snuggled while grabbing his arm, throwing my entire body weight on him. He didn't seem to mind and only further adjusted himself to accommodate me and his book.

He's such a sweet child.

I woke up to my brother's gentle shaking, I blinked my eyes a few times to realise I was actually going to meet my grandmother. I had completely made Jayden my pillow, I was laying in his arms as he looked at me. There was something in his eyes, not dirt, but something else.

Melancholy and fear.

I raised my hand to touch his eyes gently, he grabbed my hand and placed his face in my palms. He leaned more into my hands and I cradled his face.

A silent exchange of words. I could only comfort him like this, he senses something wrong is going to happen. Perhaps something in regards to me, truly my family has a sixth sense for such things.

He pressed his lips on my forehead and buried his head in my shoulder. I patted his back softly and he finally let me go after ten more minutes. He helped me out of the carriage and that expression still didn't change.

I smiled back at him, if not for myself then perhaps for him. I reassured him and told him to go back, saying I would await his return.

I turned to face the grim prison like grey mansion, unwanted memories slowly creeping their way to me. It was as I remembered as well. It had grown so old that vines creeped its walls making it look majestic yet holding untold secrets. 

Dark secrets that were meant to be silenced. 

The greenery surrounded the mansion, so deep in the forest that it isolated itself from the external world. It seemed like the only existence that was still bleakley beating with an ever so faint pulsing.

Time fades away but what happened in the depths of the eerie mansion will forever remain.

It had a lovely garden that surrounded it through which a pavement had been forged and a small yet deep lake of crystal clear water glistened slightly from the sun rays that struggled to seep from the dense trees.

Alisha already stood behind me, she had ridden in front with the driver. She will be dismissed to mingle with the other maids when we meet her. I sigh a little before turning towards the steps of the mansion, I walk slowly up.

The servants of the mansion were already standing there, bowing and greeting me. I acknowledged them with nods and they too looked a little astonished, but chose to think better than pointing it to me.

I was already being led to that hag's room, I could only silently walk behind them. With a number of twists and turns, I reach the huge majestic doors of my grandmother's room.

The doors creak open and I find myself staring at the old woman in her seventies sitting on her old sandalwood chair that she so adored. Despite her age, she still looked beautiful with wrinkles on her skin.

Grey hair just like the mansion was pulled into a bun and her blue eyes glowed with maturity. But despite being so strong and majestic, today there was an unknown fragility I could sense. Death was on its way for her, she was to die after six months of my marriage.

I wonder how fate can allow this woman to die so peacefully, I know I was to suffer an eternity but how would she pay for her sins. She is no sweet granny that would read fairy tales at night but who would rather haunt those nights forever.

Her face creaked into a smile that I absolutely detested, she beckoned me over. I don't want to get near her but my body drags itself against my wishes. She stands up slowly and her arms surround me, I could only stiffen in her arms.

"How are you my beautiful darling?"

"I am quite well, how has your health fared?"

"My health? I have already become an old woman that would soon leave this world. But regardless, I assure you I couldn't have been better. Your marriage has been finalised I have heard"

"Haha, yes, I am grateful enough to receive attention from his majesty, the crown prince. It has already reached your ears even though it was just a few months ago. You truly are efficient."

I was mocking her clearly, but of course nobody hears that except us. The maids were all standing further in the corner of the room, the old woman's steel gaze stared at me.

I stood there with no fear on my face and showed clear boredom. A brow of hers pulled up looking slightly taken aback. Her hands raised and gestured with her hands to leave us alone. Alisha smiles at me before turning away with the other maids. 

The old woman sat back in her chair that faced the huge french windows, sunlight seeped in and made the room comfortably warm. The room didn't have much of anything and looked very modest.

There was a table in front of her chair with another chair tucked in its opposite side. Behind this, was a huge bed with white sheets. A closet adjacent to the bed and a bathroom opposite to it.

Beyond the french windows was a huge balcony with more wines growing on its railing. It looked beautiful as it overlooked the serene silent forest. I sighed even more and sat down on the chair. A hint of lavender lingered in the room as I took in the scent. It was calming. She broke the silence I wished to prolong.

"Is something wrong dear?"

"I believe there has been nothing right in this place from the very first" 

"Oh! What is so wrong?"

"You know it, I need not mouth it" 

"How have you become so very insolent? I believe we have stayed away from each other for quite some time."

"I did rather stay away from the likes of you a long distance away"

"Is that so?"

"Like the failing health of yours"

"Quite true, but should you speak in such a way with your elders? I think I have raised you better than that"

"Oh you have, your teachings are engraved in me but my heart's wishes differ. I no longer wish to give any care to them"

"What if I tell you, I could still take you the dripping droplets"

"Please do, I would rather go insane and die a frightful death" 

"You-"

Something changed in her temperament, she never really screamed but that doesn't mean she didn't know how to convey her emotions.

Even though her words now were merely a whisper, she conveyed the emotions with her eyes.

Even now, it felt like she was angry but at the same time something held her back and made it look quite helpless. 

May be she too is seething in guilt, then again she too was human. I realise this as I look into her eyes, the first time I have seen this agitation in her calm eyes.

Had she realised that I didn't fear death?

My calm words had very well conveyed it anyway, and it wasn't something I said on impulse. I used to fear that place so much before but now it felt so welcoming. 

It was in the basement where prisons and torture chambers were present, a room shrouded in darkness. No light, not an ounce, as this was underground. I would be made to lie on a smooth hard surface and bound to it with chains.

I couldn't move and my eyes would be blind folded, even then I never dread the darkness but something else in that room.

There would be a deafening silence in the room and the only thing that seemed to run was the single droplets of water falling down on my forehead. It was biting cold and I had no idea when they would fall. 

That was what scared me, I could never prepare myself for that bitter cold freezing sensation. The droplets were irregular and I always had to play a guessing game. It slowly but surely tore the sanity of me, I dreaded the unknown. I would scream bitter wails and beg to let me out.

I could never even move and had to helplessly struggle against the shackles. I would finally give in to what she wants of me.

Tip

Tip

Tip

The feeble sound was as loud as a roaring lion, only I wish it were. That place was where I naturally came to wish for sweet death. To end this misery at once. But I knew I couldn't, she wouldn't let me die. In the end, my life had become the very chains to mould me to what I was later on.

It's almost funny how I have always wanted only death.

Perhaps it was through sheer will force that I contrived to live. An obligation to live. My family never knew about this, I was told to keep my mouth shut.

Otherwise I would forever be locked down there where I would screech for help but it was never heard. No one would come until I yielded. I had to yield into my grandmother's wishes of training me into the perfect woman that the aristocracy preferred.

A survival for freedom was what made me into the conflicted woman I was. 

I hated praises, I would always be reminded of this woman's praise, also because it sounded so very hypocritical and narcissistic. But I had to confine my feelings to become the sweet angel; hiding my pitch darkness beneath all that light. Whenever I listened to her or when I finally agreed with her in that room, I would hear her say,

What a good girl you are, my sweet angel.

You will be a pure person that has untainted beauty and have others to be vulnerable to your charms. 

That is truly the only way to survive, to live in that society. 

You can never let them know what you are but be what they want you to be. 

I was forlorn, since no one knew anything except me. Just like now, nobody knows about my sins but I do. I was always the lone person to wallow in silent despairs of forsaken struggles.

Still, despite all this, it can never justify my actions. It might explain but- ah, yes, this was the reason or at least one of them that I hated being the loved Saintess.

"You seem to be in a world of your own my dear angel"