11. Choi Hoyoung, Reverend (1)

Ja-ea Childcare Center in a small city in the northern part of Gyeonggi Province.

It's the place where I spent my early childhood.

I had promised to meet Reverend Choi over a phone call.

Last night, I couldn't sleep properly, tossing and turning through the night.

I couldn't fall asleep properly, my mind racing.

Only when the dawn moon lost its strength and yielded to the rising sun did I manage to doze off, my eyes finally closing in weariness.

When I opened my eyes again, morning had passed, and the clock pointed to twelve.

I made a quick stop at the mart to buy gifts for the kids and drove straight to the childcare center.

I parked the car near the center and walked up the hill leading to the entrance.

Since I started walking on my own two feet, how many times have I climbed this hill?

I stood at the entrance of the center and felt the worn-out, paint-peeling signboard with my hand.

The child who used to wait endlessly at this entrance for parents who would never come had grown up, returning here harboring the secret of their birth.

"Oh, Mr. Yeong-su!"

One of the kids who had been playing around on the small playground at the childcare center spotted me.

As one child ran toward me, the others followed closely behind.

"Mr. Yeong-su! Mr. Yeong-su!"

The kids surrounding me chirped like young birds, jumping and dancing with excitement.

It felt like a year and a half had passed since I last saw them, but they remembered me.

"Mr. Yeong-su, why did you take so long to come back?"

"Yeah. Jung-woon, huh? I've been quite busy. I'm sorry."

"Huh? Wow, Mr. Yeong-su, how do you know my name?"

"Jung-woon knows Mr. Yeong-su's name, so of course I should know Jung-woon's name too."

"Then, what about me?"

"What about me? My name?"

The boys shouted out their names competitively, while the girls blushed and shyly circled around me.

They were my juniors, my younger siblings.

Each of them had a story, a painful one, and they longed for affection.

These kids were none other than my past.

"Mr. Yeong-su! But what's that? Is that a gift for us?"

One of the sharp-eyed kids pointed at the cardboard box in my arms.

"Yeah. I brought gifts for you because I wanted to. Reverend Choi will distribute them."

"Wow! It's a Nike soccer ball!"

One of the boys, slightly taller than the rest, raised his hand to reach for the soccer ball partially visible on top of the box.

"Yeah, it's a soccer ball. Don't you have a soccer ball at home?"

Back in the days when I lived here, no one called this place a childcare center.

Reverend Choi used to say that Ja-ea Childcare Center was a home for God's beloved children, but whenever the word "childcare center" was uttered, I felt like I was acknowledging myself as an orphan, and maybe I was scared.

So I called it home.

"I have one, but it got a hole in it. But, you know, Mr. Yeong-su, Dong-il brought a soccer ball from school secretly. But then he got caught by Reverend Choi, and she scolded him a lot."

"Who is Dong-il? Is he here now?"

"Yeah, him. Dong-il."

The kids pointed at one boy with their fingers.

"He's the one. Him."

When the kids pointed their fingers, Dong-il was the chosen one.

"Dong-il, come here."

Despite my call, he hesitated before finally moving towards me, his footsteps reluctant.

"Quickly. Come here without Mr. Yeong-su calling you again."

After another beckon from me, he reluctantly approached, moving as if he were being led away like a calf.

I hugged him tightly. Dong-il's thin arms nestled under my armpits.

Even if we made the same mistake as kids, we were scolded much more severely than other ordinary kids.

As a result, I had realized something at some point.

Even if there was no blatant discrimination, teachers, parents, and even friends of the same age didn't see me in a positive light.

Even though they didn't openly show it, they judged me negatively because of my background.

Some of the kids who couldn't tolerate such gazes went astray, heading down an irreversible path of delinquency.

Those friends left the childcare center before even graduating from high school and never came back.

But during my school years, I was careful with my actions compared to them.

I thought that was how I would protect myself.

"Hey kids, want to play soccer with Mr. Yeong-su?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah, right now."

I tore open the packaging of the soccer ball and kicked it towards the field.

The kids eagerly chased after the rolling ball.

Even Dong-il, who had been on the verge of tears, joined the group, a bright smile on his face.

"Pass! Pass!"

"Here! Here!"

"Shoot!"

The last kid who got the ball successfully scored by kicking it into the makeshift goal made from two stones.

"Goal!"

The scorer jumped up in excitement, mimicking famous soccer players with his arms stretched out and his lips extended.

Running and laughing with the innocent kids, I felt my mind clearing up.

Wiping the sweat from my forehead with my sleeve, I caught sight of Reverend Choi standing at the entrance of the childcare center.

"Kids, I'm going to meet Reverend now. You guys keep playing with the ball. Be careful not to get hurt."

As I approached, Reverend Choi's face lit up with a bright smile, wrinkles forming at the corners of her eyes.

"You've come, Yeong-su."

She opened her arms wide and embraced me.

"Reverend, why did you cut your hair so short? Now you look just like a grandpa."

"Haha. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm reminded of the passing years. Isn't that a part of God's wisdom?"

"I'm sorry. I should come to visit more often."

"No need for that. Just staying in touch occasionally to let me know how you're doing is enough. Come on, let's go inside."

*

As we entered the office, Reverend Choi motioned for me to take a seat.

"The fragrance is lovely."

"It is, isn't it? It's a blend of bellflower and jujube. I find myself drinking it often when the weather gets chilly."

"Please take care of your health."

"You, on the other hand, seem to be growing taller every time I see you. I was worried about you working long hours, but it seems unnecessary."

"I've been working hard on my exercise routine. It's fun."

"Be careful not to get injured. By the way, how's Seung-woo doing? That guy never contacts me."

Lee Seung-woo.

A friend of mine, the same age as me, who grew up with me at the Ja-ea Childcare Center.

Right after graduating from high school, he immediately threw himself into the construction industry and is now

the head chef at a fairly well-known Chinese restaurant in the area.

He's not just a close friend to me; he's more like a brother.

"He's working hard. I heard his wrists are practically worn out from all the work. He probably earns more money than me. Sometimes when I see him, I can't help but feel envious. But he's doing something he loves."

"... Right. What a thankful thing it is. Those kids who used to be just fluff have grown so much and are now contributing to society."

"True, they've come a long way. Those who were only playing with cotton back then are now doing their part in the world."

"They have lives of their own now, and while the past may have been tough, it's brought them to where they are today."

I handed her a tissue as she seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"Thank you for the donation, but receiving gifts from family-like people is different."

"While I appreciate the donations, it's not the same as receiving gifts from family."

"I understand your point, Reverend, but it's also about reciprocity."

"Even though the amount might be small, the fact that you send a monthly contribution is a gift in itself. Don't bring anything next time."

"But, it's not the same as receiving a gift from family."

"Although your intentions are kind, many people help out here. Your presence alone is a gift. Don't worry about bringing anything."

"It might be a donation, but can it compare to a gift from family?"

"Dividing your salary and sending a monthly contribution, and on top of that, working so hard to make it happen... True, you have a point. The kids will love it, though."

Although it might be a small amount, I had been sending a monthly contribution to the childcare center. They needed support beyond what the church and the organization provided.

That's why Reverend Choi often went to work on construction sites as a day laborer.

She was working so hard to provide us with more.

That's why she appeared on TV as the "Roof-Top Reverend."

Now, I'm in a position to help her.

The favor she did for me was great, so it's only natural for me to return the favor.

"I don't know what's going on, but something seems to be troubling you."

Reverend Choi, who had been observing my face as she sipped her tea, finally spoke up.

"What do you mean?"

I tried to keep a nonchalant expression and clapped my hands together as if nothing was bothering me.

"You can't fool me, even if others are fooled. You used to be a crybaby who carried a kitten everywhere. I can tell from your expression. Tell me the truth quickly."

"Reverend."

"...?"

"Do you remember when you were on TV? We were so excited when you appeared on television. We clapped and cheered. We were so naive, not realizing how much you were working hard for us."

"I did it because I wanted to. There was no need for hard work. Why are you suddenly bringing up this topic?"

"Just a thought. It suddenly came to mind. Meeting such a wonderful person like you... If I hadn't met you, I wonder where I would be now."

"You really have something on your mind. Don't try to change the subject. Tell me what's going on."

Reverend Choi's face turned as hard as stone as she sensed something wasn't right.

"Reverend."

"..."

"I found out about my birth parents. The people who gave birth to me."

Upon hearing my words, Reverend Choi closed her eyes and clasped her hands together in prayer.

"Oh, Heavenly Father..."