A little bit of doubt keeps you on your toes

The blaring alarm stirred Kellen from his slumber. Sluggishly, he turned it off before flipping over onto his back. Blearily, he stared up at the ceiling, blinking as he slowly woke up.

Yesterday felt like a fever dream. 

Honestly, the last several days felt like one. 

But yesterday...he could not believe what he'd found. He'd liked the Captain. He'd liked the Captain for years. Idolized the man in fact. He couldn't believe that he'd forgotten about all of this for years! He'd worked with the man for seven years and he never remembered any of this? He never thought back to the fact that he had so many articles and magazines he'd read about the man in shoe boxes back at his parents house, and now in the apartment next to said man? He was now in a pair with this man, and his brain never thought to remember any of this? What crazy block had he put into place in his brain to forget this? He had scared himself with how much knowledge he'd had about the man as soon as he stared reading recent articles about him.

Whatever the case, Kellen knew that no one else was allowed to find those boxes. His life as he knew it would be over if they were found out. 

Getting out of bed, Kellen changed into some of his workout clothing and headed downstairs for the gym, going through a fast, but heavy workout to clear his mind before coming back up to shower and get ready for the day. He made himself a quick breakfast before checking if he had any work related emails. He had a few from Casper about some edits for the first draft, along with some clarifying questions. Something he hadn't expected, however, was a couple of messages from his friends. The same friends who hadn't really reached out in the six months he'd been back in the city. 

Surprised, he took to responding to them as he headed downstairs for his office. His plan for the day was to finish working on the edits Casper had made, along with checking the storage areas he hadn't seen yet. It was a rather solid plan, and Kellen got to work executing it. With a small direction from Maeve, he found his way to the storage floors. Like Kellen had assumed, they were well protected by several layers of protection. Maeve had worried that he wouldn't be able to gain access, along with the guards stationed there as well. When Kellen scanned his card and confirmed that he was Kellen Woods, he was let in. After that he went over the list of all of the equipment available to him, and sighed. If he was going to train Field Guides here, away from the front lines, he had feeling he was going to need a couple very difficult things to get in the city. He also wanted to get the trainee Field Guides the official uniform as part of the incentive to continue their training, but getting those custom ordered was going to take a lot of time, and a lot of money. He wasn't sure that the Guild was going to be willing to spend that. 

When he met up with Casper to voice his concerns at lunch, the other Guide had laughed at him. Kellen didn't find it that funny, given the work that lay ahead of him. Casper only shook his head at his fellow Guide as they found a seat, noticing Kellen had picked even more food than normal. 

"Kellen, did you forget? Gunther and the Captain wanted you to be the Field Guide instructor, and wanted you to be in charge of everything that entailed. Do you think that they came to that conclusion without putting a budget aside for your team you plan to make?" Kellen blinked, before he felt his face flush. Ah, he'd completely forgotten about that fact. Of course, because it was such a large Guild, they must have budgets and whatnot. He was used to being on the front lines basically on his own. He didn't have a backlog of money he could rely on outside of contracts where that was written in. 

Sighing, the other Guide ducked his head for a moment in embarrassment before raising his face again. Casper noted that he had a resolute look on his face. 

"You're right. I completely forgot. I'm not...I'm only used to relying on contracts." He muttered and Casper smiled at him. He was beginning to think Kellen had a hard time relying on anyone, not just contracts. 

"You should bring it up to the Captain when you have your guiding session later." Kellen tensed, putting a pause to him shoving food into his mouth and began patting his pockets. Pulling out his phone, he didn't notice any missed calls from numbers he didn't know, and instead had a text from Taylor telling him she'd pushed back their session to around 1:30 pm. Kellen relaxed. He hadn't missed their session again. "Kellen? What's wrong?" Casper asked and Kellen met his gaze. he gave him a relieved smile.

"Nothing. I worried I had missed our guiding session, but Taylor pushed it back. I missed it the other day and that alone caused a lot of problems." Kellen sighed. "The Captain got into a fight with Captain Sergei yesterday and reset all of the work I had done to maintain his body. It made me realise all over again that I'm not used to my powers yet. As much as this feels like my body, it's changed." Kellen said. Casper frowned at him, thoughtful. He ate a few forkfuls of food before he spoke. 

"Well, I can't say I fully relate to what you're going through. You're the first Guide I've met whose jumped Classes, and you might be the only Guide I'll ever meet who has. So I can't give you comfort in that regard. I think that as much as you feel like you're not used to your body, it's only going to be a short period. Everyone goes through that feeling when they awaken their powers for the first time. You're just experiencing it twice." Casper offered, and Kellen chewed his food as he processed his words. The man was right, and Kellen was kind of mad that he hadn't thought to view it that way. This was like retraining his muscles, or learning how to drive. It came with practise and time. Kellen was just so used to being able to do whatever he wanted with his old body that he was getting anxious about it again. 

"You're quite wise, Casper." Kellen told the lieutenant, and Casper grinned. 

"Oh yeah? Tell that to the others, since they have a tendency to avoid listening to my words." Kellen smirked, sure that the other Esper lieutenants would have a hard time, even if it was Casper. It was, unfortunately, an Esper thing. Not quite outright ignoring another, but putting belief in the fact that as an Esper, they knew what was best for everyone. Kellen had experienced it first hand, and also had to beat that out of younger Espers on the front lines as well. Casper had to deal with more Espers who were set in their ways because they were powerful now, while Kellen was used to dealing with cocky Espers who almost got themselves and others killed. Sympathy came easy for the two Guides. 

Kellen jerked, slightly surprised that his phone went off again, but was pleasantly surprised to find it was his friends again. Smiling, he answered the questions with ease, while Casper watched on. He was about to ask about it when the volume picked up in the cafeteria and Kellen's name could be heard. Both Guides turned their attention to the pack of young Espers, with Gwen at the front. 

"Kellen! I didn't expect to see you." She called with a grin, motioning for the others to head off to the line without her. She came bouncing over, all smiles today. 

"Gwen. Just finished class? Is Gunther keeping you on your toes?" The older brother asked, and was pleased at the scrunched up face of his younger sibling. 

"Lieutenant Gunther is practically a slave driver. How the hell does he know so much about everyone's powers?" She muttered tartly and Casper laughed. He pushed up his glasses, his blue eyes dancing. 

"His parents might have a role to play in that, but I am going to hold my tongue. That's Gunther's story to tell, not mine." Casper's eyes turned a lighter shade of blue before he smiled at her. "You seem to be doing fine though, Esper Woods. I am glad that even if he is a slave driver, he is still taking care of you. You'll make sure to come to the Guiding Division if you need it, won't you Esper Woods?" Gwen's face heated at the soft words spoken by another lieutenant before she cleared her throat. 

"O-Of course, Lieutenant Casper. Uh, Guide Casper? I-I wasn't really told how to address you." She was tripping over herself, and Kellen could only sit back in amusement. He hadn't seen this Gwen for a while. Casper took pity on the poor younger girl, and smiled kindly at her. 

"Either works, Esper Woods. I'm not a stickler for formalities, as long as you don't outright disrespect me like some of the other Espers." Gwen's eyes widened in horror at his words. 

"People do that? But you're so famous! How could they do that to you?" She asked, clearly upset and Kellen snorted.

"He's a Guide, Gwen. It's easy once Espers get it into their head that they are better than everyone else." Gwen seemed stunned by her brother's words, before she made a face of pure displeasure. 

"Ah. I think I know what you mean. There are a couple of Espers in the other intake that really make my blood boil. I'm glad that they're going to go away for a week on a special training mission. Any longer listening to those idiots drone on and I might have taught them a lesson." Kellen's eyes smiled as he listened to his younger sister. 

"Esper Woods, you know fighting among Espers who haven't gone to the front lines has a punishment, right?" Casper spoke softly, his eyes also warm as he listened to the girl. Her heart was in the right place, but he didn't want to get her in trouble. She winked at the two Guides, holding a finger to her mouth. 

"If I ask Lieutenant Gunther for help, I'm sure he'll frame it as 'sparring training'. After all, my mom taught me all I know, which is something I could show off to others. Who would complain then if I beat them up?" Kellen tried his best not to snort with laughter, while Casper seemed surprised. He shouldn't. She was Kellen's younger sister after all. She was just about to turn to leave when Kellen got another response to his text, and smiling he pulled out his phone again. Gwen, never one not to poke her nose into her brother's business, leaned over his shoulder to observe who he was texting. She made a face. 

"What?" Kellen asked his sibling, and she sighed. 

"I don't like your old friends." She told him, not for the first time. She crinkled up her nose, as if smelling an awful scent. "They are too full of themselves, and they don't treat you well. It feels like they only reach out when they want something from you. No doubt they saw all the news coverage on you and are only reaching out because they think they could benefit from it." Kellen blinked, finishing his message before looking up at his sister. 

"They would not." He defended. "They all worked very hard to get into the Guiding Centers that they did." She scoffed, but didn't say anything more. Whenever they fought about them it always left Kellen in a sour mood for days. She didn't want to be the cause of that. So, instead, she ruffled the hair of her taller sibling, and smirked. 

"Alright, if you say so. I should go. I need to eat before Lieutenant Gunther calls us. Have a good rest of your day." She told them both before heading back to join her friends. Because it was clear to Kellen that they were all her friends, especially from the way they greeted her. Gwen always had an easier time making friends then Kellen, but unlike in the past, there wasn't that awful tingling in his chest as he watched it. Instead, he just felt proud of his little sister. She was turning out great, his parents had no reason to worry. 

Casper and Kellen finished up lunch after that, both heading off to their own duties. Kellen took Casper up on his suggestion, and after his guiding session with the Captain he asked about the budget he had available to him. The Captain had paused while pulling on his shirt and had stared at the Guide, before a soft, warm smile had touched his now hazel gaze. 

The two of them had left the medical bay and went to the Captain's lower office to discuss Kellen's plan, and the Captain seemed delighted with anything Kellen said. He hadn't spent a lot of time with the Field Guide when he had been planning out missions on his side before, so he enjoyed learning about what it took in cost to be a Field Guide. He was also impressed at how much needed to be prepared. Silently, he made a mental note to increase the budget in the next quarter, especially if they were going to get more Field Guides. 

Kellen was surprised that their talks took them to the end of the day. He hadn't expected himself to get so immersed in the Captain's voice and words, but he should have known better. He had always enjoyed listening to the man talk, and hearing how his mind worked on the front lines. And after his discovery yesterday, he knew a little more about why. But he would never let the Captain know that if he could help it. 

Hill and Taylor interrupted the two of them while they were still in the office, both surprised to see the two of them still together. But easily the two women accepted the scene before them, and offered getting some food at a local restaurant as a mini welcome to Kellen joining the Guild.

Turns out, Taylor was pissed that she hadn't been included in the invite the other night, and Hill felt awful for forgetting her. Once they had gathered all of the others, the group headed out, Kellen unaware that cameras followed them wherever they went, while the others only smirked. It was clear to Casper that the other Espers wanted to make sure that the whole city knew Kellen was marked. That he was off limits. This new A Class Guide belonged to the Saturn Guild, and anyone who was foolish enough to forget that was going to deal with all of the Espers here. The Head of the Guide's shook his head, but he couldn't fault the others, especially as he recalled the words of the young Esper Woods. He didn't want his newest Guide to be taken advantage of, especially since he liked him so much.