Haku

Chunin exams are hell. They work you, starve you, and then dump you in the Forest of Death while they feed on fishballs. If things were going to be like this…

"I'm gonna piss." I pulled down my pants and started watering the tree closest to me.

"Me too!" Idiot Orange yelled as he unzipped his jumpsuit.

"Get your own fucking tree!" I turned to spray him away.

"Would you two brain-dead retards shut the fuck up!" Sasuke Pouty Uchiha was 9.5/10 times a kill-joy.

He's not a complete idiot though. Ever since we stepped in the 44th Training Ground, it was awfully quiet. A deathly quiet. I surveyed the surrounding trees and shrubs. There was nothing to hide us, it wouldn't give us the advantage to cause a ruckus.

We began walking deeper into the forest when Pouty randomly threw his hand out and slapped me on the chest.

"Where's Idiot 1?"

I shrugged. "Still pissing maybe."

"It's not safe to separate from your teammates in the Forest of Death," a perverted voice purred.

Uchiha and I briskly sidestepped and bumped our backs together.

"Where is he? Damnit." Sasuke looked around the forest in a slight panic for he didn't sense anyone at all.

"Activate your Sharingan damnit," I retorted. "That perverted voice scared the shit outta me."

Sasuke's face scrunched up. From the looks of it, he probably agreed.

"Over here."

Sasuke and I both flung our heads to see a thin looking woman man.

"Uchiha. Is that a man or a wo-?"

But before I could finish, I witnessed my own death. A kunai flew straight to the dead center of my forehead and blood splattered everywhere.

If it was time, then it was time. But my eyes wouldn't fucking close. I was scared shitless. I ain't dying like this. I'd choose the lightning-blade-through-heart death any day over this.

My eyes shifted back and forth and finally caught sight of Uchiha. He was in the same state, trembling all over, maybe even worse. My face twitched seeing him suffer the same trauma. Then I realized, I was gaining sensation in my fingers again.

But before I was ready to move on my own, the Grass ninja flung two kunai at us.

Pain would snap us out of this trance, but before I made a move, Avenger freed himself first.

"Nice going Uchih-

I didn't get to finish. A tremendous force knocked me off of my frozen legs, carried me to some high place in the trees, and slammed me to a thick tree branch. All the numbness was gone by now and I was about to get up when heavy panting tickled my neck.

I gaped at Sasuke who had his entire body leaning on mine like I was some sort of comfort pillow.

"The fuck man… It's okay if you and Naruto are a thing, but please, I don't run that way." I shoved him off and began dusting my clothes.

[Damn. It's wrinkled.]

"Shut up idiot. If it weren't for me, you'd be dead." Sasuke sat down and leaned against the tree trunk. I looked at the gushing blood that soaked through his trousers. My finger could probably fit through the hole.

"Ain't that bad. The hole Kakashi carved in Sakura could fit my head!" I tried to recreate the exact shape with my fingers.

Uchiha threw his hand over my mouth. "Shut up if you don't know have something useful to say."

I wanted to retort him like I always do, but a giant ass snake appeared. So instead, I whacked his hand away and leaped backwards to escape, dodging the venomous bite just in time.

A cloud of smoke hovered around the area that I just rested on. When it cleared, the tree was gone with it. But not the snake.

The snake opened its mouth, looking more ready to snap again.

[Shit. It's coming after me so that must mean…Sasuke's been eaten already.]