144

Amelia, 143- Taylor

Emma left not long after, having extracted promises from both Amelia and I to get our backups done. We'd also have to talk to everyone else, with a rare exception or two, like Zach, who didn't really need the tech. "So, it's still early afternoon," I said. "What should we do now?"

Amelia snuggled against me. "Didn't you say something about a bikini?" she asked.

"Maybe later," I responded. "We do have stuff to worry about. As nice as it is to get closure for things, we have things to do." I kissed her on the forehead. "Thanks for that, by the way. I probably would have punched her again if you hadn't stepped in."

WarmthSafeLove. She looked up. "Oh, it's nothing you hadn't already done for me," she answered.

She really is the best thing that's ever happened to me, I thought, then smiled. Fire extinguisher included.

CuriousHappy. "What are you thinking about?" she asked, nuzzling into me. "Whatever it is, keep thinking it."

"Just about how we first met," I answered. "And then you hit me."

"Huh," AmusedSmug. "I wouldn't have thought you were into stuff like that."

I shrugged. "Totally worth it for what came later," I answered, and contemplated kissing her. Then I dropped the idea. Still not into girls. "Tell you what, let's actually get some work done today, then we'll relax this evening. You should talk to your mom and dad?" ReluctanceAmbivalence. She still doesn't view them as that. "Carol and Mark, then. Someone's going to need to convince them to exhume Victoria's body. The others who got caught in that bomb, as well. But it'll probably be easier to talk them into it if we have a proven success first."

"You're right," she agreed. "We could probably do it in secret, but it's better if we ask."

"The publicity, if it works, should also help," I added. "A way to bring back capes after an Endbringer fight is insanely huge..." I paused. If we had this last time, I thought. So many dead...

Amelia touched my face. "It wasn't your fault," she insisted. ProtectiveNurturing.

I forced a smile. "I know," I confirmed. "I'm sure I'd feel a lot worse if it was my fault."

"Okay," she agreed. "You just have this habit of taking responsibility for things completely outside your control."

"I do, don't I?" I agreed. "I'm going to go ask about that backup. Would you mind shutting down the relay network? Including the link. I'm not sure it's a good idea to have it running while they do all this, y'know." ConcernSuspicion.

"Umm, if you insist," she agreed. I quickly started going "blind" as the relays went into hibernation. Not the first time, certainly not going to be the last. We'd done before simply to allow the network to be properly rebuilt.

"Thanks," I squeezed her one last time before our empathic bond went silent. "It shouldn't take long. Go ahead and talk to Carol and Mark. Maybe arrange a time for that 'meet the parents, only for real this time' thing?"

"Alright," she agreed. And I reluctantly broke contact in order to head to the labs. In truth, it wasn't that bad being 'alone'. Every time Amelia was asleep, her presence in our bond was missing. And vice versa, even if I still had some control of my power when sleeping, it didn't convey anything intelligible for her to feel. So we were used to an hour or two each day without the other.

I went to our 'secret' passage to the lab. Or, at least, to the hidden lab section where we kept the 'big deal' stuff. The start of Eidolon's biosuit, the next generation of armor systems, Alexandria's new equipment. Rey spent more time working in our 'official' secret lab, which only existed to test run the zerglings and other combat units. I'd be working with him tomorrow, to test the new stuff.

And of course, our official lab space, used to design our team's battle armor, the generic suits, and the M7s. Frankly, they weren't seeing a lot of effort. We'd reached the point of diminishing returns on that tech. Plus we had other, more immediate concerns. At its best, it still wouldn't help us in the future battle with Scion.

I spotted Riley first, mumbling into her recording microphone. Emma, on the other hand, was currently in her yellow state and looking at the computer. I decided not to interrupt. After a couple minutes, she started typing, then spoke. "File saved: IT fifteen."

Riley looked up. "So, anything useful?"

"Yes, actually," Emma answered. "Turns out I might have a way to break you through. Although it's a weird way of doing it that doesn't explain how Amelia broke through. I don't think the Entities knew what 'sleep' was when they designed this memory wipe effect. If you actually pass out during or right after a Taboo event, you should be able to remember when you wake up. At the very least, it'll let you remember stuff that we've already discovered."

"And we already know how to identify when a Taboo is starting to influence the brain!" Riley declared. "I could probably build an implant that emulates losing consciousness. It may take a few tries, but should't be that hard to achieve. From there, it's just a matter of feeding the target mind enough legitimate Taboo data that the Passenger doesn't know what to remove anymore, like with you!"

"That's really good news," I said from my position near the door, then I started walking in. I meant it, too. "Good work, both of you. Riley, why don't you finish up for the day and go hang out with your sister. You might not get many chances to in the next few weeks."

"Why not?" Riley asked.

"You'll just have to trust me on this one," I said, smiling. "There's going to be a lot of things going on. She'll be really busy, and you'll probably be really busy. We're also pretty close to when you have to go back to school and that'll just make it even harder to find time. Plus, I know I kinda hog up most of Amelia's free time to begin with. Since I'm going to be taking time down here getting a memory backup made, you have time to go spend time with your big sister."

"Okay!" She agreed, and she gave me a quick hug. I repressed the only somewhat diminished urged to cringe. "Thank you."

I patted her now permanently black hair. Then she bolted from the lab. As far as I could tell, she did not have a 'walk' setting.

"So, why'd you really want to talk?" Emma asked.

"Figured it out that easily, huh?"

"So did Riley, even if she didn't say anything," she responded. "You tripped off her lie detection system. And probably her common sense, as well. She acts a whole lot more naive than she really is. Not that I need to tell you that."

"Yeah, probably not," I agreed. "I kinda wanted to ask you for help with something."

"It's the whole you not being gay thing, isn't it?" Emma asked. "No, it's not that obvious, but I have a near perfect sense of human biochemistry. You're not into her, and it has absolutely nothing to do with you not loving her. You got that much covered, at least."

I nodded. "Yeah," I agreed. "I do. I tried using that, before. Tried making feelings be enough. She, well, let's say she turned down my offer."

"Ouch," Emma sympathized. "I bet that was embarrassing."

"Humiliating," I confirmed.

"And now you want to try again, I take it?"

"Have for a while," I admitted. "I can't ask Riley because she's still ten."

"She's at least eleven, actually," Emma corrected. "Probably twelve, actually. Not that it makes it much better."

"Plus she's still Bonesaw," I continued. "She tried to saw open my skull. I know she's trying her best to be better, but I just can't imagine myself willingly giving her have access to my brain." The very idea of it was enough to give me nightmares.

"And you trust me with it?" Emma asked. "That's kind of a big deal."

I paused. "Hadn't thought of it like that before. But you'd have access to my backups, anyway. So, if anything, I'll have to trust you, eventually. I could ask Amelia, but..." I stopped and thought about how to say the rest of this. Emma didn't know what happened to Glory Girl, and that was not my secret to share. "She's afraid to work with brains. For a lot of reasons, at least partially due to examples set by assholes like Valefor and Heartbreaker."

"No, I totally get it," Emma confirmed "Plus the whole guilt factor of her having to rework part of your brain to make you attracted to her. I'd probably be bothered, too."

"So, can you switch me over to being gay with this tech?" I asked.

"Well, yeah, sorta," she said. "It's kinda hard to rewrite patterns entirely. Easier just to add new ones. Like, this equipment could make you left handed, or make it so you speak Spanish instead of English, thanks to Rey's tech. But it would be a lot easier just to make you ambidextrous or add a second language to what you already know."

"Okay, so you'd just make me bisexual, then?" I asked.

"We can be a little more precise than that, if you like," she offered. "How does 'heterosexual, plus one' sound to you?"

....

"I... don't feel any different," I said, as I climbed out of the chair.

"What? You were expecting maybe to be suddenly obsessed with boobs like a teenage boy?" she asked.

"Well... maybe a little?" I said. "You're right, though, that sounds stupid when it's said out loud."

"Speaking of boobs, are you sure you don't want me to give you an upgrade?"

I shrugged. "I'm fine," I said. "The only person whose attention matters seems to like my current figure just fine." I started thinking about the looks, and feelings, I got from Amelia on a regular basis. And then... well, I started thinking other thoughts.

"See, it totally worked," Emma declared.

I blushed. Hard. "Okay, yeah, it worked," I muttered. "I... I'm just gonna go, now."

"Have ~fun~!" she sang after me as I left the lab.

The whole process had taken a few hours. Apparently, adding new pathways is a pain in the ass without a specific copy already in the database. It turns out that 'wants to sleep with Amelia' was not in the database. Then there was the memory upload, which took a bit of time in its own right. Hopefully I'd want an update, soon, considering what I had planned. I went to my room to do the usual 'freshening up', complete with a shower where I spent most of my time trying really hard not to think about how the water system here works.

I put on one of the cuter new outfits, even though it was a little warm for that, especially inside our amazingly well regulated environment here in the Yggdrasil.

I palmed Amelia's door, and it opened. She and Riley were playing a card game.

"-ust because I have a good memory and basic math skills," Riley said insistently.

Amelia looked up at me and smiled. She's beautiful, I thought. It's wonderful, looking at her and being able to think that.

"Does this mean playtime's over?" Riley complained.

"Yeah," I confirmed, walking in. "I promise I'll make it up to you later, mushroom. I have something fun planned, already." It was true. Spending a couple hours getting your brain scanned left you plenty of time to think. We didn't have any clue when Riley's birthday actually was, but we could pick some time to throw her a party. I'd have to talk to Amelia and Missy about it, first, but it was going to happen.

"Okay," Riley agreed. "I was getting bored, anyway. My big sister's not very good at card games." Amelia pretended to try to smack her, and she rolled away backward, right off the bed. Half a second later, she was on her feet, and stuck her tongue out at Amelia. She was close to me, so I managed to smack the back of her head. "Hey! That's not fair!"

"We're partners," I said. "That means we're automatically on the same team no matter what."

She looked at me, and her eyes narrowed for a moment, then she smiled broadly. "I am so going to tell Theo to use that line on Missy," she declared, and With that, she stepped past me and left the room.

Amelia just looked at me, still smiling her wonderful smile.

"What?" I asked.

"You're being nice to Riley," she pointed out. "You're never nice to Riley. I mean, you're not bad to her or anything, but that might be the first time you've ever touched her without a really good reason. Or tease her, or use a nickname with her."

I shrugged. "I dunno," I said. "A lot of things are changing these days. And she is kinda my future sister-in-law or something. And, well, like you said earlier, she is kind of adorable, especially with Missy. Anyway, we can reestablish the link now, if you like."

She smiled, and closed her eyes. The relay network went up first, as always. The empathic bond was more complex and sensitive, and it took a little more time to reestablish.

"So, do you like my new outfit?" I asked after the bond was fully established. It was a full invitation for her to really look at me, and I luxuriated in her desires. More than usual, not because didn't enjoy them before, but because now I could return them. ConfusionSurpriseDesireJoy. I smiled. Didn't take her long to catch on, either.

I moved toward her and sat on the bed next to her, then ran my fingers through her hair as I drew her into a kiss. This time there was no hesitation on my part. This time, I wanted this as much as she did, and for the same reasons. Our second kiss was wonderful and set off all the fireworks they were meant to set off. JoyDesireLove. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed more passionately.

RecognitionWorry. She broke the kiss. HorrorPain. "Oh god, Taylor, what have you done? DisgustGuilt.

PainHeartbreak. "I..." Taylor hesitated. "I know, I should have told you. I was going to, but then... and the link... and I just wanted to fix this so bad and..." she stuttered. "I wanted to want you like you want me. I was going to tell you..."

I pushed away from her. "When were you going to tell me?" I insisted.

"Umm... before the kiss," she answered, tears running down her face. "I didn't realize I'd want you so badly after. I went on impulse instead of easing into. I'm sorry."

I couldn't think straight, and she wasn't helping. Her desire was reacting with mine and... and if it went any longer, I would kiss her again. If that happened, I wasn't sure we'd be able to stop until it was far, far too late. A quick thought and I deactivated our bond. Taylor's eyes went wide. Her lip quivered. My heart broke at the sight of it.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because we can't talk like this," I answered. "Taylor, that would have still been after you got the changes, not before. What were you thinking?"

"You would have tried to stop me," she pleaded. "I couldn't keep hurting you like that. I love you!"

"I know! I love you, too!" I exclaimed. "God, we both knew that. There wasn't even the possibility of doubt. We can't even hide it when Zach makes a stupid joke that we actually find funny! How could I possibly not know your feelings for me?"

"I wanted to be able to say it myself," she insisted. " I didn't want it to be the empathic link. I wanted it..."

I buried my face in my hands. "Fuck. Why didn't you listen to me? I told you I was happy with our relationship how it was. I didn't need you to do this. I didn't want you to do this."

"But you did!" Taylor insisted, moving to try to touch me. I pulled back further. The temptation was still far too great. "I could feel it. Every time you looked at me. Every time we touched. I know you would never ask me to do this, but you do want more. And I... I wanted to want more. I've wanted that for a while." She was shaking, and even without the usual bond, there was still the glimmer of emotions from the rest of the network.

"No, Taylor," I sighed. "That's just what I desired. I wanted what we had. I wanted someone I could trust. Someone I could..." I trailed off. I don't even know what I want. I took a deep breath. "I wanted something safe."

She blinked. "Safe?"

"Yeah," and now that I'd said it out loud, I started to put together my feelings. "I want love. I want intimacy. I even want romance. I'm a human being, of course I want all of that. But I don't want to do more. I was perfectly happy with what we already had. Maybe I wouldn't be happy like that forever, but I was happy for now. And I thought you were happy, too. Weren't you?"

"I was," Taylor admitted. "I am. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Which part?" I asked. "I didn't know I had to tell you not to surgically modify yourself for me. I'm sorry, Taylor, I didn't think that was ever going to be an issue in my life. Why'd you even have... why now? Why not wait?"

"Victoria," she answered.

I froze. "What?"

"I'm part of the same link you are," she elaborated. "I know about your feelings for Victoria. Aura or no aura, I know you still have feelings for her. Ones that are more than just sisterly. I'm not sure you even know about them, but I do."

"God, Taylor," I groaned. "You're just not happy unless you're sacrificing yourself for a cause, are you?"

"No!" she shouted, again moving toward me. "No. That's not why."

"Then why?" I pleaded. "Why would you do this?"

"I..." she paused, then whispered. "I was afraid of losing you."

My heart jumped, and I struggled for something to say.

"I was afraid that you'd want her... and then... then you'd stop wanting me," she looked away.

My stomach clenched. "No!" I moved toward her and pulled her into a hug. I restored the link. I need her to know I mean this. ReliefJoyGrief. "Taylor. Taylor, please listen to me. I don't want Victoria. My desire for her is artificial. The result of a fucked up power that got to me at a vulnerable time. I'm over the addiction part of it. I'll get over the rest. And if I can't do it naturally, then I'll start considering something artificial. Rapture's an expert on this stuff, we can talk to her. I'm pretty sure, whatever she says, it won't be 'sleep with some other girl'."

Taylor smiled slyly. "Are you sure about that? She's dating Rey for a reason."

"Well, not as sure as I was a moment ago," I relented. "But the point remains. I was happy with what we had. I didn't want you to... to do this... it's what Victoria did to me on accident. It's what I did to her on purpose. It's not right."

GuiltHopePride. "It's not the same," she insisted. "I chose this. I have the right to do this. I wanted to. I've wanted to for... for weeks now. I was hoping for it to come naturally. That the time we spent with each other, the closeness, would make the physical desires happen."

"And it didn't," I finished. I knew it didn't. I'd spent enough time feeling for it, yearning for the moment she looked at me like I looked at her. Now I had it, and I couldn't even enjoy it. It was tainted. It was nothing but a lie. A reminder of every mistake I've ever made.

HesitationResolve. "I was willing to give it time," she insisted. "A few more weeks. Months. I could wait to see if it would evolve naturally. Maybe do something more gradual with the brain tech. But Victoria meant we... I didn't have that kind of time, anymore. It was a problem. I fixed it."

"You made it worse, Taylor," I said, and the words burned inside me. "Minerva was right. It's the link." FearAbandonmentLoss. "It's always been the link, hasn't it? Without it, you never would have felt the need to be attracted to me. We would have been friends. You could have found a nice boyfriend. I could have found a nice girlfriend, if it turned out that's still what I was still into. Instead... instead we got this. This isn't healthy."

"This is the best thing that's ever happened to me," Taylor insisted. DesperationPanic. "I can undo this modification if you want me to. Or you can. It's not like it's a complete rewrite. It didn't make me attracted to girls. Just you. It's not even the only thing I did. I got Rey's medical package as well. I asked for it because it's helpful. You can't say it's not! You don't feel guilty over that, right? It's the same as this. Six years of med school in two hours is a whole lot bigger than a small tweak to who or what I'm attracted to!" Her face and our bond was awash with her fear.

I closed my eyes. "No, that doesn't help," I sighed, fighting back the tears even as I started unmaking our bond. I have to do this. I located the relays, and altered them so they no longer reacted to my power unless I needed them to. The bond isn't healthy. It's doing to Taylor what Victoria did to me. I have to end it. I reached into the bracer and slowly shut it down. For her sake. Abrupt cutoffs were always a bit jarring. "This arrangement was always mutual. The moment either one of us decided we didn't want it, it was over. No questions, no arguments. That was the promise, remember?"

LossFailureAlone. "I remember," she choked out, just before the last part of the bond was deactivated permanently. I watched through tears as she stood and walked toward the door. The portal opened when she pressed her hand on other door.

"I love you," I managed to say. She paused for a second, but didn't say anything or look back before she walked out.

I curled up and started to cry. It wasn't the first time we went without our link for a length of time. It wasn't the first time Taylor stayed at home, instead of here. But this was the first day since our bond was formed that I was alone.