Defined Feelings

He could remember his younger brother telling him about how he liked one of his friends and he sat the youth down and told him how wrong it was and he was simply overthinking the love he had for his friend which was pure friendship.

He told his brother that there was no way he would want to be with the person physically and he would not want to hurt the person later in the future when he had to start a family with a lady from a respectable family.

Then, he was scared for the little boy and he was also quite young and had no option but to dissuade his brother from having such thoughts. Finding himself in such a situation as the eldest child, he felt worried about what his father would say when he liked a man.

His brother had a girlfriend after the advice he gave him and they have been dating since their last few months in high school he could confidently say that they were in love but with his present situation, he could not help but feel conflicted in ways that got him even more stressed than the double duty he had to do to help a friend who took a break from work.

He felt the pulsating headache he felt increase as his thoughts only intensified. With a sigh, he turned to see the lady he was having dinner with, pouting.

She looked so cute but she did not awaken the desire Haruki awakened in him. Miyoko was the lady he met last night at Haruki's birthday party and he found her fun to talk to at the party especially because she also studied medicine and they shared something common.

She seemed to like him enough and they exchanged contact simply because Hiroshi felt it was not a bad idea to have the contacts of a fellow doctor who seemed very intelligent too.

She called him to have dinner with her during his meal break and with all the thoughts on his mind about Haruki, he chose to have her come to eat with him with the hope that he would be able to persuade himself that he did not love Haruki.

His plan went to waste as he only found himself thinking about Haruki throughout the date. He could not even appreciate her beauty as all he could think of was Haruki's black eyes that seemed to hold so much pain frozen in the cold front he wore.

He wanted to step into his life completely and melt that ice for him alone and enjoy the infinite warmth he was certain Haruki had locked up.

He was not confident that he could get Haruki to warm up to him, and he was not sure he could heal that hurt Haruki was hiding from the world that knew him as the chairman but he was certain he wanted to be with Haruki even if he chooses to be cold to him.

With these confirmations, he fell in love with Haruki from the moment he saw him injured and in need of immediate care. He was a doctor and it was his job to save lives but he had never felt the sense of urgency seeing Haruki in that state brought to him.

He desperately wanted to bring color to his face which appeared pale from loss of blood. His desire to protect him had been born from that moment and continued to grow when he saw him suffer from nightmares.

"Are you okay?" Miyoko once again called his attention.

"I am sorry," he apologized. "I should not have brought you out here to have my mind focused on other things."

"Do you have someone you like?" she asked him seriously.

"Yes," he replied without a second thought. "I think I like that person a lot . . . maybe a bit too much," he murmured bowing his head both in embarrassment and guilt.

"I guess I came late then," she smiled sadly. "I will take my leave."

He could see that she was trying to suppress her embarrassment and that only made him feel more guilty but he was glad that he had not kept her by his side for too long.

He was only on a meal break and he would have to go back to work soon. He was so focused at work that he could leave on time. When it was time for him to leave, he went to his dad's office. He knocked and he was invited inside.

"Are you going home?" his dad asked him when he walked in without moving his gaze from the screen of the desktop before him.

"Yes, I am going home," he replied respectfully. He wished he would not have the old man worried about him but he had made up his mind and although he could not apologize now, it was difficult for him to hold back from telling his dad that he was about to make a really bad decision.

"Have you heard from your brother recently?" his father asked lifting his gaze to meet Hiroshi's gaze.

"Yes, but that was last week. I have been very busy lately to call him at the right time," he replied.

"Same here, problem with the time zone," his father laughed and moved his attention back to the screen.

After a few words, Hiroshi walked out of the door. He paused outside the closed door of his father's office and whispered under his breath, "I am sorry, Father".

Without conscious focus, he found himself in front of Haruki's apartment. He rang the doorbell and waited. Heavy silence followed making him feel he had only come to confirm how bad of an idea this was. He rang the door a few more times and silence only followed.

He stood at the door of the apartment until security walked up to him.

"Dr. Yamamoto," the guard identified him. "Our boss is at home."

"Oh," Hiroshi murmured knowing that the guard meant Haruki was in the family home. He sighed with the conclusion that he could use this night to conclude if he was willing to take such a step.

That part of him that wanted so badly to be rational and thoughtful of his position felt glad while the part of him who wanted to see Haruki so badly felt saddened because he knew with the family meeting, he could not meet Haruki easily.

The apartment was empty no wonder he was allowed so easily to come to the penthouse. It was hard to meet Haruki without an appointment even as his doctor he could not meet Haruki unless Haruki's health needed his presence.

Was he even worthy to be with Haruki? He shook that thought off as he responded to the guard and left. First things first . . .