Chapter 1

TRIGGER WARNING: This contains a kinda heavy topic. Including: sexual abuse, r@pe, domestic abuse, and s@icide

Society is composed of people.

While the people is the one that made the society.

It is also the reason why there are poor and rich.

The system that was made by the people, makes the world work.

Then... why do the people complain?

Because it's hard? Then why not do better? Don't think it's too hard!

Is it because other people stops you to do so? Then why not do something that'll make them stop? Like, coming at them with a much harsher comment or something.

They can affect you? Isn't also you who let them affect you?

You are weak? Then become strong then.

Those are my thoughts about society at young age. And mom only just said to me, "It's easier said than done, you'll understand when you became an adult, let's see if you can still speak optimistically," then she laughed at me mockingly.

My mother got abused by my drunk father, while I got sexually harassed by him. During that period, my mother abuse me to relieve her stress from father.

He wasn't like that before, maybe... time really changes a person. It seems like everything was an illusion, made to be shattered and yearned for in vain.

Then after that, a thought came to my mind, "They said adults will guide us to a correct path at school in the past... is this really correct?", doubts filled my head.

I stopped studying at 13, everyday... I just wish to be killed, wish that everything will end. My father... no, he doesn't deserve to be called like that... "Should I kill him?"

I realized that being too optimistic about everything will not do anything good.

That's just how it is.

This what makes the world work.

I blankly stared at the moldy walls that is no different to a cage. 'My mom is dead... it's been a month. She left me after just 3 months of suffering, not bringing me with her,' I thought.

She just left me even if pleaded her.

I was instead... shoved away with fear, disgust and anger. "I wouldn't bring you with me, you'll just become a burden. I'll come and get you when my situation got better," she said, but I'm sure... she wouldn't come back... ever.

Just an empty talk to pacify a 'child'.

"Burden... if you two will just abandon me in the end, it'll be better if you didn't got pregnant and gave birth of me!" I shouted painfully, all the negative feelings I kept to myself burst out a bit.

"Hahaha! I would have done that if it weren't for the act to have a f*cking happy family image to others. I would have just killed you with my own hands, you f*cking adopted sl*t!" Her face twisted in despise, mockery and self-pity.

Such viciousness, I can't stop my tears fall to cheeks. "You... was the past just for nothing? Did you even felt bad saying that to me?! Was... was the past just an illusion for you to say that easily?"

Pak!

I held my right cheek and looked at my mother in pain, "Mom, I am also suffering just like you!! I accepted that you are so stressed out that's why I accepted your abuse without resisti—"

"Don't call me 'mom'!!" Her eyes are filled with disgust, fear, mockery, and sadness.

'That child is a mistake to begin with... unwanted by everyone in the orphanage and by her biological mother. If it weren't for me, she would have died long ago. So, this is all she can do to repay me.' her foster mother thought. Feeling as if everything she's doing is just right and just.

"I am going to escape this god-forsaken land. And you will stay here to avoid having me hunted by him," she squeezed my cheeks harshly as I subconsciously looked at her eyes.

Clear desperation. She's desperate to live. Then a thought popped in my mind, 'Adults like her are selfish enough to abandon a child, I have no reason to be sad. No need to be sad for such person, Zoren.'

Then an unexpected event happened.

She cried.

Her mother's tears rolled to her cheeks, "Please... help me"

I blankly looked at her and raised my hand to wipe her tears. "Okay mom, I'll help you and stay here for you." I hope the moment I die, no, the moment you die, this will become your nightmare. I squeezed a smile as I looked at my mother's face filled with satisfaction and disgust.

'Haha.' I laughed at myself with mockery as bitterness unwantedly spread in my whole being.

'Disgusting, everything feels disgusting and hateful,' I thought.

"Mom, I'll always love you to death."

The woman just ignored me.

Then she left me without remorse, I laughed mockingly at myself, "A person like her... will she even have nightmares about me?" Zoren who is clueless that the women she thought is her real mother and not a foster one, felt a numbing feeling spread in her heart.

Well, who knows if she could even escape this hellish place? With how crazy that man is... the fact she can even think of escaping without me is already commendable.

Never mind that... she is as good as dead for me.

The house was placed in a mountain, secluded from others. No signal, nor people for help, that's why this place, will be always a hell for me. Living like a walking dead prisoner every f***ing day.

On the same day, I witnessed that b**tard bathed in blood as he got a crazy look in his eyes.

It scared a sh** out of me.

He probably killed that woman.

I have unconsciously shivered as I remembered that crazy day. MuRd3r, r@pe, betrayal, all at the same day.

Zoren doesn't know when her father started to acted weird.

Maybe it was around when she first started her period. It was almost a year since then.

Her father started to prolong his gaze on her. The way he talks also got weird. As if... he was drunk, but sober. His clear words started to sound gibberish at some point. His complexion also started to get worse.

Zoren got used to their late night argument, she started to notice he would go out late at night and come back after 3 hours or so.

Zoren saw a news of dead bodies with the same bloody weird mark.

The oldest was 3 days after her first period.

She started to feel suspicious. Especially with the things she saw one day.

Gloves, a set of knives, needles... She can almost smell the strong odor of blood coming from the clean knives and needles. Making her run away and forced herself to act normal.

That was until... he suddenly dragged them to this mountain and tortured them physically and mentally.

He seem to talk to himself whenever they got tortured. Something like about demons.

He didn't went to point they became crippled or verge of death, it is the kind of pain you just wanted to die.

It's been a month since then... Quite surprisingly, I manage to live till this day.

Somehow, I think I probably got a twisted screw in me to feel some nostalgia on the most p*ssful days of my life.

I heard someone groaned outside, 'Must be that bas**rd'

Tak.

Tak.

Tak.

The smell of alcohol wafted to the air.

'Unsurprisingly, he's drunk again.'

"Eh~? Renren~? Plawing hide-n-sheek? Hahaha, ugh," his disgusting voice sounded.

"..." I held a bottle of alcohol with trembling hands and hid it behind my back.

Hide-n-seek is where Zoren will desperately hide and hopes to not get raped. There were times she was lucky, but there were times she's between life and death.

'Think rationally, don't be scared or nervous. Act calmly and bravely.'

The man, looking like in his 50's despite being 30, looked at her lewdly, "Ehh?? Renren~ I mish you sho much!"

I looked at him with an empty gaze and thought, 'Unsurprisingly, he didn't said anything about what happened. He just continued to harass me, knowing I got more terrified of him. This bas**rd likes my body and didn't cared for her anymore (maybe that's why he just off her), he didn't even noticed it smells like alcohol around the house, talk about disgusting .' Zoren got a trauma when she saw the dead body of her mother, leaving a stain for the rest of her life.

But this disgusting creature made me wanna kill myself now. I wanna kill someone and myself. I wanna destroy and at the same time hide away from all of this.

He rushed towards me sluggishly and rubbed my face lewdly.

I forced myself not to tremble, but failed. He even grinned even more. His breath stinks so much because of his rotting teeth.

I know my strength must be weak due to malnutrition, but I will do this before I die in vain.

'Sh... you can do this, I already made up my mind long ago, it's time to take action, Zoren...' I thought to comfort myself.