Chapter 26— The Prank War [1]

~Fun Fact: Did you know that Dementors are a possible avenue for horcrux destruction. If you could convince them not to consume your soul that is...

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A week had passed since my first DADA class and in addition to exploring more of the castle; I continued my training, completed my homework and colluded with Harry and the twins. All in all, life was good.

It was around seven in the morning and I was walking down the corridor with my fellow puffs absolutely ecstatic, I could hardly wait for breakfast.

'I can finally get this started!' I thought excitedly.

"What's made you so excited, Yan?" Asked Justin, tilting his head to the side slightly.

"Oh, just the fact that we've got more Defence against the Dark Arts." I replied, my voice as joyful and childlike as I could make it.

Now, I was not excited for Quirrell's lessons at all. What I was instead excited for was the completion of the contraband item that I had requested from the twins. It was something from a story I had read in my previous life and I had a suspicion that it would become quite the popular prank item.

'Who would think that The BFG would ever end up being of any use to me in my life…' I thought amusedly. It's not like I wasn't genuinely excited for breakfast, just not for the reasons Justin might think.

"Me too." Replied Susan. "Once you get past Professor Quirrell's stutter, he's an okay teacher."

'Oh boy, you don't know half of it.'

"Yeah, you're right." I said. "So Wayne, how are you finding Professor Quirrell?"

Wayne stopped walking for a moment. His brow furrowed and his freckles rippled across his face before he settled on a neutral expression.

"He's a good teacher I suppose." He said, walking to catch up with us. "Not what I had hoped, but alright I guess."

'He isn't really a good teacher when compared to Lupin or "Moody". Not like McGonagall or Flitwick but by the Ministry standard, he's ok.'

"What?!" Spluttered Justin. "He's not a good teacher at all! Muggle teachers are far better than he is!"

Susan, Ernie and Hannah all whirled around and looked at him disbelievingly.

"Really?" Asked Ernie sceptically. Susan and Hannah gave him similarly doubtful looks.

"He's not wrong." I said, speaking up in his defence. "In comparison to most Muggle lecturers, Quirrell isn't really that good of a teacher. By Muggle standards, I'd rate him as alright. Not good, but not bad either. Sure Muggles don't have magic like we do, but they're far more meticulous and dare I say advanced when it comes to knowledge. If I were to tell you a few things they've achieved, I'd be sent to the Janus Thickey Ward and be treated as some kind of insane person."

"Really?" Said Susan, her earlier scepticism giving way to curiosity. "Like what?"

"Would you believe me if I said they've been to the moon? Or that they've discovered things in the field of medicine— which is basically like being a healer— that both Potioneers and Healers alike would be interested in. They've got weapons that could kill Wizards just as easily as the Killing Curse could. Both Muggles and Wizards have their strengths and weaknesses. Wizards have far more strength, individually, than Muggles do. Muggles as individuals aren't strong but what Wizards underestimate is what they can achieve together. Wizards, those in Britain in particular, are too prideful to look at Muggles in order to improve and that is what is really harming their progress. Well that, on top of all the inbreeding and several other things."

'I spoke far longer than I intended to…'

I turned around to see Justin's proud expression as well as everyone else's stunned faces. Eventually, Zacharias mustered up the strength to shut his hanging jaw.

"T-That's preposterous!" He spat, his face flushing. "Muggles can't do that! They're unintelligible animals who burn anything different at the slightest provocation."

"That might have been somewhat true of Muggles, say, a little over 200 years ago. But a lot can change over the span of two centuries. Muggles found something called Science, which is an alternative to magic to explain the world around them. It's too complex to discuss on our way to breakfast but if you guys would like, I could get you some books to read."

"You know what," Said Ernie, speaking up. "I'd like that. It sounds interesting."

"Me too." Chimed in Susan while Hannah nodded.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Exclaimed Justin, his eyes wide in shock and revulsion. "Wizards inbreed?!"

"Oh yes," I said darkly. "Wizards are basically living in the Middle Ages, but with magic. Meaning inbreeding to 'keep the blood pure' as well as other less than stellar practises still exist."

'Damn, this took a rather grim turn…'

There was a moment of awkward silence before I spoke up once more.

"Well then, anymore burning questions about Muggle society before we reach the Great Hall?"

Zacharias hummed thoughtfully before speaking once again.

"Yes, just one if you wouldn't mind." He said. "Could you send me some books on how the Muggle World has changed since the Statue of Secrecy?"

"Sure, I wouldn't mind." I began. "But you'd have to wait a bit if that's alright."

"That's acceptable." He replied.

We continued our walk to the Great Hall in comfortable silence, eventually arriving at the open doors where several students were already seated and having breakfast. Arriving at the Hufflepuff table, we walked over to our seats at the far end of the table and looked at golden platters filled to the brim with croissants, bagels, hash browns, loaves of bread; elaborate jugs that held freshly squeezed orange juice, milk and mugs full of piping hot tea, coffee and hot chocolate. Although not the most exquisite and aristocratic breakfast, it was a homely one. I could indeed understand how Hogwarts could become a place for orphans to call home. After all, with teachers who cared for you; beds that were better than most five-star hotels, and food that was cooked with passion, love and care, it was a no-brainer.

I inhaled the rich aroma that wafted around the hall, before sitting down and sighing contentedly.

'This is nice.' I thought, 'But there's no place like home.'

Shaking my head to ward off my sudden bout of sentimentality, I grabbed a couple of croissants from the platter and poured myself a goblet of orange juice. I took a bite out my croissant and leaned backwards, being careful not to fall as I was on a bench, not a chair. Letting out a small moan in satisfaction, I washed down my bite with some orange juice before looking around at my friends.

Wayne was greedily wolfing down a full English breakfast. Zacharias, however, was eating his food in slow and measured bites. As pompous he may be, he was usually able to back up his 'stick-in-the-mud' attitude with some regality and class. Across from Zacharias, Ernie and Justin were eating simple bowls of cereal and were happily chatting away whilst on my left, Susan and Hannah were eating chocolate spread slices of toast.

Our comfortable silence was disturbed by the familiar voice of Harry, who stood behind me and cleared his throat.

"Sorry to disturb your so obviously sumptuous meal, but I'm here to accept Yan's lovely hospitality and eat at the Hufflepuff table with my friends." He said, grinning at me.

"That's fine with me." I replied with a hand over my mouth, gesturing to the free seats around us.

A moment of silence descended upon the hall until Professor McGonagall spoke up from the teacher's table.

"Now Mr Potter," She said, her voice stern but not unkind. "As per the rules, you must sit with your house at breakfast time and as much as I can sympathise with your situation, those are the rules."

"But Professor McGonagall," He said in a mischievous voice that brought music to my ears. "I wasn't aware there were any rules specifically banning pupils from sitting at tables that weren't their house's."

"That's…"

'He's got her there.'

"Not a problem, my boy." Said an elderly but majestic voice. "After all, if it's in the name of fostering inter-house unity, I can hardly punish you, can I?"

Dumbledore stood up from his meal with a merry smile on his face and his blue eyes twinkling.

"Thank you Headmaster." Said Harry, bowing slightly before sitting down next to me and motioning for his friends to take their seats as well.

The hall stared at us for a few very awkward moments before going back to their previous conversations. Every once in a while, though, a curious pair of eyes would look in our direction; it wasn't enough to cause discomfort so I chose to ignore it.

"Now," I said, breaking the terse silence. "Would you guys like to introduce yourselves?"

"Greetings, I am Blaise Zabini though feel free to call me Blaise." Said an olive skinned boy with curly black hair and turquoise eyes. "I've heard much about you from Harry."

"All good I hope?" I replied, giving Harry a curious look to which he only grinned. "And feel free to call me Yan, Blaise."

The next to introduce himself was the ferret himself, though he didn't hold any baseless arrogance in his eyes like his canon counterpart. Instead, he glanced around at the rest of the Hufflepuffs calculatingly before bringing his gaze back to me. Though I could be completely wrong and Malfoy could be pretending to be calm and collected since he's coming to us badgers. I didn't think so though. Canon Draco was someone who most probably held an authoritarian personality— he was a contemptuous person who bullied and trod on those he perceived as below him and deferred to the strong and those above him in the social order, and there weren't many who really were.

"It's good to meet you at last, Barak. I'm Draco Malfoy, heir to House Malfoy. You may call me Draco."

"The same to you; and you can call me Yan, Draco." I replied measuredly, before looking at Tracey and Daphne. "How've you two found Hogwarts so far?"

"It's been amazing!" Gushed Tracey. "I've found Charms, Transfiguration, and even Defence against the Dark Arts interesting, Quirrell's stutter be damned—"

"That's Professor to you, Tracey." Interrupted Daphne, her usually cold demeanour melting into a somewhat softer one. "I've found it quite informative. Besides some distasteful subjects, all is well."

'Why can't children be children in this world…'

"Yeah, yeah." Said the bubbly blonde, waving off Daphne's interruption. "Oh, Astrology's cool but I don't like the fact that we have to go up to the top floor at midnight!"

'See, this is how children should be acting— excited and carefree.' I thought wearily. 'Not a parody of what the adult world is like.'

Tracey wittered on for a while before she was promptly shut up by Daphne. Afterwards, everyone continued to introduce themselves to each other. Though there was a notable reaction from the Slytherins when the introductions reached Justin.

"Hi, I'm Justin Finch-Fletchley." Said the Blonde, smiling amiably at the Slytherins.

'Oh, guess he hasn't been here long enough for the Slytherin prejudice to kick in.'

The Slytherins shared a look before turning back to Justin. Daphne held an imperceptible hint of scorn on her face before smoothing her expression over.

'Probably Occlumency again.' I thought. 'It's a sad thing though, the way prejudices are reproduced in wizarding society. It's instilled in children who don't know any better nor do they know the consequences of their own actions because they've been taught to believe that they're "better".'

I decided to pretend as if I hadn't seen her expression. It wasn't my problem at all and I quite frankly didn't really care much for Daphne. I had only met her twice after all. Maybe in the future if we end up becoming friends I may change my mind but currently, my opinion of her is nonexistent. Ironically, she's similar to her canon self in that regard.

Harry, who also seemed to have noticed the expression on Daphne's face, decided to break the ice.

"So Justin, I heard you got into Eton before coming here." He said, initiating conversation with him. Justin, who wasn't an idiot, noticed the somewhat hostile looks he was getting from the Slytherins and hung his head dejectedly. However, Harry talking to him resulted in him rearing up in gratitude.

"Yeah, my mother had me put down for Eton but I'm happy that I got into Hogwarts instead." Said Justin. "It's so much more interesting than learning something like Chemistry or Physics."

"Hey!" Exclaimed Harry in mock anger, giving me a conspirative look. "What's wrong with Chemistry?!"

"Yeah Justin!" I said, joining in on Harry's teasing. "Physics is awesome!"

Justin paled in worry thinking that he had just offended the Boy-Who-Lived and me, who seemed to be his best friend. We erupted in sudden and merry laughter as Justin looked at us completely bewildered.

"We're just joking with you, Justin." I said, wiping mirthful tears from my eyes

He let out an audible sigh of relief. The Slytherins looked at Harry and then each other once more before visibly easing up. It felt as if a load had been taken off of the atmosphere, the previous tense environment giving way to a freer and lighter one.

'I'm glad that we avoided that cataclysm…'

We spent the next few minutes finishing our food and talking about our first experiences at Hogwarts. We even found out the reasoning behind Snape's obvious favouritism of Slytherins. He apparently despises the house-cup with a passion and does his best to do anything he can to throw it out of whack. From giving Slytherins pupils an absurd number of points for arbitrary reasons, to taking away points from other students for so much as breathing in the wrong direction. Canon Harry being a non-Slytherin was just an added bonus for him. When I really thought about his methods, I realised it was genius. The inter-house point system existed to foster good house relationships between housemates and a healthy rivalry between the different houses. However, that resulted in even more bullying and prejudice between pupils of different houses. As a result, what was once a way of creating friendly rivalries between the houses of Hogwarts had become a source of needless bullying and prejudice amongst students of all ages. Snape knew he couldn't destroy the game so he instead sought to break the game from within. The result of which was Slytherin's victory in the house cup for six consecutive years. That was until canon Harry came along, but surely this time it would be different with Harry being a Slytherin.

Our discussion was disturbed by a commotion at the Gryffindor table. Looking up from our discussion, a few students were steadily floating higher and higher from the table. There was an audible cry of 'Finite' from their friends but it didn't seem to help.

'Ah, so it begins.' I thought, conscious of my trademark evil smile beginning to flourish across my face and suppressing it as a result.

Eventually, the commotion resulted in Professor McGonagall stalking her way over to the table, her presence establishing a silence across the hall.

"What on earth is going on?!" She exclaimed, her face flushing slightly.

As if on cue with her voice, several familiar red sparks streaked across the room before forming words in cursive.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, we have returned with the latest announcement of the Prank War!'

Following this, the Gryffindor table erupted in cheers and overjoyed laughter; Professor McGonnagall face froze as she grew increasingly agitated with every word that was formed.

'Starting today, every prank within the castle will be documented and at the end of the year, the house with the most points wins a mystery prize!'

There was a chorus of 'oohs' and 'aahs' around the room, most noticeably from the Ravenclaw table. Looking around the Hufflepuff table, I let a small smile spread across my face.

'Even the usually timid Puffs seem interested.'

Several whisperings and murmurs erupted around the room as the cursive text continued to fizzle and sparkle. I looked towards the teacher's table, being careful not to stare. Dumbledore seemed to enjoy the festivity, looking neither disturbed or angered, a serene smile ever-present on his face. Flitwick was positively thrilled, his face expressing a joy for all things magical. As he stood on his chair, I could tell it was taking a humongous effort on his part to not start applauding. Snape looked completely unbothered, looking up every once in a while and sneering at the message before going back to eating. Professor Sprout's motherly smile never left her face as she looked on at the scene unfolding down below. Professor McGonagall, on the other hand, was absolutely livid as she stalked up and down the hall attempting to silence as many students as she could. I swore I could almost hear the angry-whispering of 'Finite'.

'I knew she'd be angry but this? This is a bit much!'

Eventually, she gave up after realising that she couldn't stop the letters from forming.

'We wish you all the best, and when in need of prank items, I'm sure you all know where to go.'

With a final firework-like explosion, a momentary silence grasped the hall before everyone exploded into wild cheers and exclamations. Without a doubt, the loudest was Gryffindor. The Lions' archenemy, Slytherin were the opposite. There were a few excited first years, but their excitement was limited to concealed smiles.

'Mission Complete' I thought, smiling as I took a leisurely sip from my goblet of orange juice.

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*A/N: For those of you who aren't in my discord (link is down below), I'll post the announcement I made over there, here.

So, my exams have been completed!

Here is chapter 26 and now I'll go on a mini break to stack up chapters. This will make it so that I can focus more on school (when it starts up again) and write at my own pace while uploading 2-3 chapters per week. It's a win-win for both parties involved. I hope you guys enjoyed and I'll see you guys in 2-3 weeks!

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DISCORD SERVER: https://discord.gg/HT3VeC26fb (See paragraph comment)