Chapter 23— Waging War: The Prelude

~Fun Fact: Hogwarts is stated on several occasions to have 'hundreds' of students. However in canon, Harry shares a dormitory with Ron, Neville, Dean and Seamus, and if this pattern is consistent across the whole school (5 boys and 5 girls per house per year) then this would give a total of 280 students, which seems considerably fewer than what the narrative implies.

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It was finally the weekend and I was tingling with excitement. It was time to organise the Prank War.

'I can't wait for this!' I thought as I ran down the ground floor and towards the staircase.

The plan was for each member of our merry band to take a floor and convince the portraits on each floor to act as surveillance cameras for the Prank War. Harry's jurisdiction was the ground and first floors, mine the second and third, George the fourth and fifth and Fred the fifth and sixth. Once we were finished, we'd meet up on the seventh floor.

Racing up the final flight of stairs and entering the second floor corridor, I looked around for my first portrait. Panting slightly, I spotted a portrait further down the corridor on the right hand side. It was a painting of a woman of tall stature with black hair, sable eyes and an oval face of a sallow complexion. She had six fingers on her right hand and wore a high dress covering her throat.

The beautiful morning glow meant that a ray of sunlight shone through the stained glass windows of the corridor, illuminating the portrait.

'Wait, there's something written on the bottom of the frame.' I thought, walking towards the portrait.

I leaned closer to read the name written on the bottom of the frame.

"Anne Boleyn." I said aloud, waking up the woman from her slumber.

Her inky black eyes darted around before meeting my own. Upon noticing me, her eyes softened and she stood up, clearing her throat.

"Hello there little boy." She said, "What is your name?"

"Hello there ma'am! I'm Aayan Barak." I replied; still in slight shock at the fact that I was talking to one of King Henry VIII's many wives and funnily enough, she really was a witch! Sure, she wasn't truly alive but it still meant something. "You are the Anne Boleyn that they teach us about in muggle school, right?"

She looked slightly amused at my statement before replying; "Yes I am. I suppose you'd like to know how I died?"

'Not really.' I thought, choosing wisely to keep my thoughts to myself. 'As Armand used to say at work: The customer is always correct.'

I nodded in response, using Occlumency to control the bitter smile on my face as I thought of my past life. She paused dramatically before beginning her story.

"I was happily married to my Lord for six months before I was executed. I was caught using a levitation charm by a servant and then summarily executed on grounds of witchcraft and to make matters worse, I couldn't use magic to escape since they took my wand. Confiscating my "instrument of evil" they said." She ground her teeth furiously. A look of pure rage and hatred crossed her usually kind face. "I had done nothing wrong and only sought to make life easier for my Lord. But he said to me that the best and only kindness he could bestow upon me was an execution instead of being burnt at the stake."

By the end of her story, she was holding back tears as I felt a pang of sympathy for the woman. There was a moment of silence that was only disturbed by her subdued sniffling.

"At this point condolences won't help; but for what it's worth, I am truly sorry that you died that way." I said, an expression of pity on my face. "There's not much I can do for you since you've already died but how about I give you the best entertainment you've seen since your inception."

With this, a mischievous grin grew across my face as Boleyn's curiosity became apparent.

"What do you propose?" She asked, leaning closer.

'Hook, line and sinker.' I thought. 'Armand would be proud.'

*****

"So are you in, or are you out?" I asked in a voice filled with confidence. I had just finished stating the different responsibilities and duties that Boleyn and the other portraits of the floor would have to uphold if she agreed to watching over the Prank War.

I looked at Boleyn, whose eyes were rapt with attention. I could almost hear the gears turning in her head as she stood in silence, stroking her chin pensively.

"Well it would surely be an interesting change of pace." She began. "I see no harm in doing so and it would be quite fun to watch."

"Great!" I replied. "By the way Miss Boleyn, do you know any other portraits like yours?"

"If by "like me" you mean famous in the muggle world, then yes." She said, instantly grabbing my attention. She took a moment savouring my anticipation before speaking. "There is a painting of a fellow named Guy Fawkes, who was apparently famous for his attempt at blowing up muggle parliament on the fifth floor."

My eyes goggled at her proclamation.

"Guy Fawkes was a wizard too?!" I spluttered. "Who's next, Einstein?! Blackbeard?!"

"I don't know who this 'Einstein' you speak of is. Though one more you may know of is a man named Edward Teach on the third floor. He is located in one of the alcoves of the corridor."

I stood in front of her painting, arms crossed as a familiar sense of déjà vu blossomed in my chest.

'Hold on…Edward Teach.' I thought. 'Why does that sound so familiar—shit, that's Blackbeard!'

My eyes snapped back towards Boleyn's portrait, who seemed to be thoroughly amused at my expression.

"So you've realised it then?" She asked, snorting.

"Yup! Thanks for everything Miss, and don't forget to tell the other portraits on the floor what the plan is!" I called out as I bolted down the corridor and up the stairs.

I sprinted up one flight of stairs after another before arriving at the third floor; slightly out of breath with my hands on my knees.

"Whew!" I exclaimed, standing up after catching my breath. "I really need to start going on runs in the mornings."

I began leisurely strolling down the corridor in search of Blackbeard's painting, my chest buzzing with excitement. The morning sun was still rising, casting angelic rays of sunlight through the castle's windows and creating an ethereal image before me. Half the corridor was covered in the sunshine while the other half was cast into shadow.

A few awkward conversations and a few more alcoves later, I found Blackbeard's painting. He was standing atop the deck of a ship, brandishing his sabre at an unknown enemy. He wore his hair long and had a long black beard. I knew that during battle, he put lengths of a slow-burning fuse in his beard and hair. Which was probably why his hair was smoking in the painting.

"Edward Teach." I said aloud, this time on purpose.

Blackbeard's coal black eyes met mine and he walked closer towards me from within the portrait.

"That is my name boy. Now, what's yours?" He asked.

"Aayan Barak, sir." I replied.

He snorted in reply. "Sir? I've never been called 'Sir' in my life. Blackbeard or Teach will do boy."

"Alright then, Teach." I said. "I'm not going to beat around the bush with this one. I've got a proposal that you'd probably like to hear."

"Is that right lad?" He said, leering menacingly at me, smoke rising from his beard. I remained unperturbed thanks to Occlumency though.

"Indeed it is…"

*****

After listening to my offer, Teach's booming laughter echoed down the corridor.

"So that's how it is, you rascal!" He exclaimed. "Alright, I'm in. I'll make sure the portraits of this floor will help too. This is the best entertainment we've had in years!"

"Alright then." I replied with a smile. "Nice doing business with you."

"Get out of here, you sly dog!" He chuckled, waving his blade at me.

"Now hold on!" I said. "I still have something to ask you."

"Oh, what is it?" He asked curiously.

"Are there any portraits here that are famous in the muggle world?"

He blinked at me several times as I stared back bemused. It took me quite a while to realise that he was thinking. A few moments later, he began to speak.

"Well, while I was alive there was a fellow named Shakespeare who was famous for his plays, though he was dead by the time I was born. There's also an idiot named Guys Fawkes who tried to commit treason by blowing up Parliament. Though he killed himself when he was about to be captured. They're both on the fifth floor. Now, begone with you! I'm off to cleave the briskets off of these landlubbers!" He cried, rushing off within the painting to go and vanquish his imaginary foes.

Stifling a chuckle, I turned around and began strolling down the corridor; not in any rush as my mission was complete.

'Just how many of our muggle icons are actually wizards?' I thought curiously.

****

I eventually found myself on the fifth floor and was exploring anything and everything I could find. I passed by the Prefects' bathroom, multiple suits of armour and some more portraits before eventually nearing what could only be the Ravenclaw common room entrance. In front of me were a spiralling set of stairs. I walked through the archway and looked around, noticing a passage on my right. Walking through it, I found myself in a dusty, office-like room. There was an ancient looking oak table and a chair directly in front of me, a shelf full of books on the wall to my left, and two paintings on the other side that seemed to be in heated debate. These were two I could immediately recognise.

"Sir William Shakespeare and Guy Fawkes, I presume?" I asked, stopping their bickering for a moment.

"Dost thou call me sir, boy?" Asked Shakespeare, his eyebrows rising comically.

"Indeed I do." I replied. "Your works touched the hearts of many people around the world. But surely you should know that considering the fact that there have been many Muggleborn students at Hogwarts."

"Ha! You loon!" Cried Guy Fawkes.

"As if thou could speak!" Exclaimed Shakespeare, an embarrassed flush creeping across his face. "Thy idiocy knows bounds. Attempting treason and then falling off the battlements!"

'I didn't know portraits could blush…' I mused. However my thoughts were disturbed by the unending argument between the two.

"...my tale is one told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing!" Said Guy Fawkes, looking as if he were ready to jump into Shakespeare's portrait.

"More of your conversation would infect my brain!" Replied Shakespeare, equally as high-strung.

"Now, gentlemen." I said, interrupting their spat. "I am here for business that I am sure would interest two wise Ravenclaws such as yourselves."

This led to a momentary pause as both men looked at each other before turning their evaluating gaze upon me.

"I believe I have your attention?" No interruption followed my question. "Good, so..."

*****

After discussing business with Shakespeare and Guy Fawkes, I once again was going up another godforsaken set of stairs. After much toil and cursing, I was on the seventh floor. I could hardly suppress my grin. I had been told by the two men that I would be able to find portraits of Machiavelli and King Henry V near the Slytherin and Gryffindor common rooms respectively. Though I was excited to meet King Henry V, I was more so disappointed at the fact that I wasn't able to meet Machiavelli. Being a Warrior-King was nice and all, but Machiavelli knew how human beings worked and if half the villains of the world followed his ideals, we would be in a dark place right now.

I jogged down the hallway and could make out the figure of a very round woman in the distance. I slowed down and looked around for any alcoves or passageways. Thankfully, luck was on my side; after walking down the corridor for a metre or so I found an alcove to my right and lo behold, it was King Henry V himself.

"What ho!" He cried, brandishing his sword as he sat atop his steed. "State your business boy!"

"I seek to provide you with the most entertainment you would have seen since your creation!" I replied, spreading my arms wide like a conductor. King Henry lowered his sword slightly and raised his eyebrow sceptically.

"I seek nothing more than the thrill of battle and conquest." He began, "What, pray tell, more could you offer me?"

A smile that could only be classified as evil crept up my face. "Now you're speaking my language."

.

.

After closing yet another successful deal, if I do say so myself, I was wandering the corridor waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. A few minutes later, I saw the figure of a familiar, small Slytherin in the distance.

"Oi Harry!" I said, waving my arms at him. "I'm over here."

As he got closer, his emerald eyes flashed in recognition as he jogged over towards me. "How'd your portrait conversations go?" I asked him.

"They went nicely." He replied. "I had a really interesting conversation with Machiavelli and there were several other members of different Parliaments who were bored in the solitude that wanted to help. How 'bout you?"

"You wouldn't believe the things I saw." I replied, sitting on the cold stone floor. "So first off.."

*****

Harry and I spent fifteen minutes or so talking about our respective experiences. He managed to run into Peeves not even half an hour into the morning; though he managed to save his skin by telling Peeves that he had free reign of pranks for a day.

'Damn, that's not going to be a fun day for us at all…' I thought. Though my thoughts were disturbed by two looming shadows cast over us.

"Well lookie here Gred!" Said George.

"Indeed Forge!" Replied Fred. "It's our two favourite firsties. How'd your expeditions go?"

"Oh…" I began

"...they went swimmingly" Finished Harry, as we grinned at the twin terrors.

Fred and George looked at each other before helping us up from the floor.

"Well, well. We have a fruitful partnership ahead of us indeed" Said Fred.

"Right you are, brother of mine." Replied George. "Now, as breakfast is about to start, it'd be in our best interests to head down before we get caught for being suspicious. Merlin knows Filch is itching to put his grubby mitts on one of us."

Harry and I nodded in agreement as the four of us made our way down the corridor and off to breakfast.

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*A/N: Hello everyone. This chapter was very fun to write and I hope it's even more fun to read. If you enjoyed and want to suggest concepts and ideas for me to use in the story, consider joining the discord below. Until next time!

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