Chapter Sixty Two

"Prince Noah, what are you doing here?" I quickly asked, anxious as I approached him fearing bad news.

But Prince Noah looked at me confused. "You asked me to see you after dinner. You didn't forget it, did you?" 

I gulped, nervous. 'I did forget for a moment.'

"I-I meant I would look for you, you didn't need to come all this way and wait for me, Your Highness.'' I said avoiding his gaze.

"Your room is just a few steps away from mine, stop exaggerating." Prince Noah said looking at me as if I was being dramatic.

"I know but how long have you been waiting, Your Highness?" I asked fully aware it had passed a lot of time since Prince Noah and I went separated ways. 

'The dinner with his siblings and the other royal children must have ended a long time ago.' I suspected.

"I-It doesn't matter." Prince Noah said looking away. "Just let me in your room already."

"Yes, of course, Your Highness." I said quickly unlocking my door. 

Prince Noah entered my room, and sat on the small sofa, while I lit light some candles since it was already getting too dark to rely solely on the moonlight.

"How was the dinner with your siblings and the guests, Your Highness?" I asked Prince Noah after sitting right next to him.

Prince Noah sighed, but it seemed out of relief. "To be honest it was better than I expected." 

"That is great, Your Highness!" I said enthusiastically. 

"Yes, but it was all thanks to my siblings. They did all the talking, while I was just there." Prince Noah said, staring at the floor, he seemed frustrated with himself.

I put my hand over Prince Noah's shoulder in a consoling way and said. "But that is already a start, Your Highness. At first, you wouldn't even be there, so that is already good enough that you decided to go. Now, next time you just have to try to be more engaged in the conversations if that is what you want. Just take one step after the other, no need to rush or judge yourself."

Prince Noah nodded, he seemed more at ease. "Yes, you are right. Thank you, Alex."

I smiled, glad to hear his words. 

Prince Noah smiled back softly, but then his smile vanished, replaced by a serious expression.

"...There was something else, Alex." He said landing his golden eyes on mine as he called my name. For some reason, he seemed tense.

"What is it, Your Highness?" I asked, worried.

"It is my brother.'' Prince Noah answered vaguely. But the mention of Prince Dylan startled me.

"W-What happened with your brother, Your Highness?" 

"Nothing, it is just…" Prince Noah started saying while looking away uncomfortably, but then he looked into my eyes and asked. "Did something happen between you two?"

'Oh, Prince Dylan might have talked to Prince Noah about me as he said he would.' I realized, tense, noticing how Prince Noah looked at me.

"Hm, I…" I started saying but then I stopped, hesitantly. 

'Should I tell him what happened in my last encounter with Prince Dylan?' I asked myself. 

But I quickly answered my own question. 'No, I shouldn't. What can I even tell him? That his brother suddenly threatened me because he thought I wasn't serving him well? That whenever it is just the two of us alone he is a completely different person?' 

I gulped anxious. "N-No, not really. Why do you ask Your Highness?"

"It is because after the dinner, Dylan wanted to talk to me just the two of us, but to my surprise, our conversation was mostly all about you, Alex." Prince Noah answered while staring at me.

"W-Why was that?" I asked as if I didn't know why.

Prince Noah crossed his arms frowning as usual, but this time he didn't seem annoyed, but pensive.

"For some reason, Dylan seemed very curious about you…to say the least." 

"Curious about me?" I asked, nervous. The thought of Prince Dylan being interested in me gave me chills. 

"My brother, he…" Prince Noah started saying while looking at me, but then he seemed hesitant and looked away, and continued. "He just wanted to know how well you've been working for me. That is all." 

'It is obvious that it wasn't all Prince Dylan said.' I realized.

"I see, then, if I may ask, what did you tell him, Your Highness?" I asked, unsure if I actually wanted to know the answer.

"I told the truth, of course.'' Prince Noah said as if it was obvious.

"And what is the truth?" I asked genuinely concerned. 

My relationship with Prince Noah improved a lot lately, but in the working aspect, I was lacking. I barely do anything after all.

Prince Noah looked away and answered blushing. "That you are doing great."

I sighed relieved. 'I won't have to deal with Prince Dylan's threats for a while, then.'

"I see, thank you, Your Highness, that is good to hear! But, hm, was that all you wanted to tell me?" I asked confused, knowing Prince Noah wouldn't sound so serious at first if it was just that.

Prince Noah seemed hesitant before he answered me. "No, there is something I want to tell you, Alex."

"What is it?" I asked, tense seeing how serious Prince Noah suddenly seemed to be.

"I want you to stay away from my siblings." Prince Noah said firmly as he gazed into my eyes.

"P-Pardon?" I asked astonished.

For a moment I was afraid, I could only think that Prince Dylan might have made Prince Noah's mind against me and that then I would be dismissed as he said I would. 

But then Prince Noah sighed and said while looking away. "My siblings seem to be jealous of you, Alex. So I think it might be good for you if you just avoid them from now on."

"...Jealous?" I mumbled confused.

"Yes, they seem to be jealous of you being close to me. First, it was Isabel, and now Dylan too, they are both acting so childish telling me to dismiss you just because you and I are close." Prince Noah said annoyed with his arms crossed.

I blinked a few times like I couldn't believe what I had heard.

Although I didn't know what was going through Princess Isabel's and Prince Dylan's minds and how they perceived me one thing I was sure of: They weren't jealous of me.

'There were far too many things hidden in their eyes, but jealousy wasn't one of them.' I thought, nervously as I remembered their cold golden eyes looking at me.

Suddenly Prince Noah patted my shoulder taking me out of my thoughts. "No need to get nervous, nothing will happen to you, Alex. I won't let it."

I couldn't help but smile at Prince Noah's words. Even though he didn't grasp the full situation, he seemed to mean his words sincerely.

So, I said smiling. "Thank you, Your Highness."

***

After our conversation was over Prince Noah decided to leave, saying it was already too late and I should go to sleep.

"If you don't go to sleep now you will keep yawning tomorrow the whole morning again." He said annoyed before he left.

Although I got annoyed by his words, I knew he wasn't wrong.

"I'm exhausted." I said after I finally lay down on my bed. 

'I barely slept last night, yet I will have to wake up early tomorrow again. I really should sleep now.' I thought as I closed my eyes.

I was feeling my body relaxing and my mind getting clear until a sudden shock of anxiety passed through my body making me quickly open my eyes again. 

''I forgot about Ethan!'' I suddenly recalled.

'I promised Ethan we would meet again tonight at the library, yet I completely forgot about it.' I remembered while sitting up on my bed.

I used my magic to light my room slightly enough to see the hours on the clock on the wall. As I thought, it was quite late already. 

'He probably is back in his room by now.' I thought, being rational. 

''But what if Ethan is still there in the library...waiting for me?" I asked myself feeling guilty as the image of Ethan in the darkness all by himself waiting for me invaded my head.

I sighed, feeling frustrated.

'Ugh, I won't sleep tonight until I'm sure he is not there.' I thought, forcing myself to get out of my bed. 

Annoyed with myself I left my bedroom after becoming invisible to avoid any trouble while walking around the palace at night.

"God, I miss my cell phone so much.'' I complained out loud. 

Besides everything else I could miss about having a smartphone, having an alarm clock, a place to note my schedule and things to remember were definitely at the top of my list.

'With a cellphone, I wouldn't have to rely only on my dumb brain.' I thought annoyed.

As I walked the way from my bedroom to the library I started to feel calmer. It was pretty dark and there was no one around. By this time, everyone was probably in their rooms.

"I'm sure Ethan might be in his room too." I said to myself as I got closer to the library.

I cautiously opened the library door unsure if I would even find anyone inside. 

But then as I entered the library I saw that the room wasn't as dark as it was supposed to be at this time of the night, a light, probably from an oil lamp, was softly lighting the room. As I feared, someone was there. 

I cautiously walked in the direction of the light to see who it was.

'No, it can't be…' I thought, feeling horrible about myself again as I saw the back of a boy sitting all alone with a book and a lamp lying on the table in front of him. 

"Ethan is that you?" I asked after turning myself visible again.

"A-Alex?" Ethan called my name surprised as he turned around and saw me.

"I'm so sorry for being this late…" I started apologizing as I was approaching him but I stopped as I noticed that Ethan was crying.

Ethan anxiously turned away from me and started drying the tears on his face with his sleeves.

"I thought I was alone..." Ethan suddenly mumbled. He sounded frustrated, but it didn't seem it was with me.

"Are you alright, Ethan?" I asked softly. By Ethan's reaction, it was clear he didn't want me to see him crying, but I was still worried.

"Is there anything wrong?" I asked getting closer to him.

Ethan stayed quiet. I thought he wouldn't even look back at me or he would tell me to go away, but to my surprise, Ethan got up from his seat and turned around looking at me with a weak smile on his face.

"You saw that, didn't you?" He weakly asked.

I didn't know exactly how to answer. So, I just nodded.

"I am sorry to let you see such a shameful thing, Alex." Ethan said with the same weak smile on his face that I then realized that he was forcing himself to smile, out of shame.

Looking at Ethan at this moment made me feel like something awakened inside of me, a memory of my past life. I once said similar words as a child, feeling ashamed of my feelings and tears as people made me believe I should be. 

But one day someone told me something that even now I still remember.

"There is nothing shameful about crying!" I shouted, louder than I should. 

Ethan was startled by my sudden words, he looked at me with an astonishing look on his face.

"Alex…" Ethan called my name as if he didn't know what to say. 

"Ethan, if you were crying this means something was hurting you, and no one can be blamed for crying out of pain. Even if the pain is emotional and no one can see it, it is still painful. So it is fine if you cry, there is no shame in being in pain." I said with the same conviction as I heard those words being said for the first time in my past life.

Ethan seemed too surprised to say anything. He lowered his head down, his eyes narrowed and he was frowning, he seemed like he was gonna cry, but no tears fell.

"Did something happen, Ethan? Do you wanna talk?" I softly asked, worried.

Ethan didn't answer. He was still looking down, his eyes were full of sadness, and he kept clenching his fists more and more intensely.

"If you don't want to talk, it is fine, Ethan. I can just make you company, or leave you alone if that is what you want." I said, trying to be understanding.

Ethan looked at me for a brief moment, but then he looked away. 

After a moment with no response, I decided to say, giving a step back. "I understand. I will leave then."

Before I could turn away, Ethan suddenly mumbled. "...It is the princess."

"Princess Isabel? What did the princess do to you?" I asked, confused. 

Although I didn't have a great image of the princess, I didn't expect her to be a bully.

"It is not what she did." Ethan corrected me.

"Then what was it?" I asked, wanting to understand him.

Ethan bit his lower lip as if he didn't want to verbalize his thoughts.

"The princess, she…she resembles too much my sister." Ethan explained with deep sadness in his voice, which at that moment I didn't understand why.

"Do you have a sister, Ethan?" I asked, surprised.

Ethan nodded weakly, but then he shook his head denying it. "I used to. She passed away three years ago."

"Oh, my condolences, Ethan..." I said feeling horrible. In moments like this, I never know what is the right thing to say.

Ethan stayed silent, he was staring in my direction, but it didn't seem like he was seeing me.

When he started talking again it seemed like he was mumbling to himself, lost in his own thoughts and feelings.

"She was eleven years old just like the princess is now…soon I will be the same age as her when she…" Ethan closed his eyes, not finishing his words. 

"I thought…I thought I had overcome these feelings, but when I saw and talked to Princess Isabel today, I was barely able to hold myself together. They look so much alike." As he finished his words, tears began to slowly fall down his face.

"Since then I just can't stop thinking about my sister…I miss her so much." Ethan said with his voice cracking out of sadness. He started trembling like he was forcing himself to hold the tears back, but he couldn't stop crying.

"Ethan…" I said looking at him with my heart aching.

Instinctively, I hugged him hoping it would ease his pain. Ethan didn't reciprocate the hug, but he didn't move away. He cried quietly in my embrace, barely making any sound. 

All I could feel was my shirt getting wet because of his tears, and Ethan's body trembling.

But as time passed his breathing normalized and he stopped trembling. Ethan stopped crying, but I didn't move away.

"Thank you, Alex." Ethan said weakly, leaving my embrace.

I just smiled softly, glad to see him better.

Ethan smiled back for a brief moment, but then his smile was gone as he looked away. He seemed lost in his feelings again.

"What was her name, Ethan? I mean, your sister's name." I asked out of a sudden, in an impulsive attempt to take him out of his thoughts.

"My sister's name was Lilian, but I used to call her Lily." Ethan answered looking at me again, and as he said her name his expression softened. 

"That is such a beautiful name." I said smiling.

Ethan looked at me with surprise in his eyes, and then he smiled, a genuine smile. 

"Yes, it is a beautiful name."

I smiled again, glad to see Ethan in a better mood.

"Thank you for everything, Alex. I wish I could repay you in some way." Ethan said, politely.

"There is no need for that. We are friends, that is what friends do." I said smiling, showing it was fine. 

Ethan seemed surprised.

"You really are a nice person, Alex..." He mumbled, pensive.

For a moment there was something different on Ethan, but then he suddenly turned his back to me and took his belongings on the table, grabbing his book, and the lamp, each in one hand.

When he turned back, to my surprise he was smiling.

"I think it would be better if we go back to our rooms for now, Alex. It is pretty late already. Because of me, we couldn't talk much, I am sorry." 

"No need to be sorry, I was the one who got late! It is my fault, I'm the one who should be sorry not you." I awkwardly said, taking the blame. I didn't want Ethan to feel guilty about such a small thing knowing how much he was dealing with already.

Ethan chuckled and then he said politely. "I see, you are forgiven. Shall we go, then?"

I nodded, and so I followed him. Together we left the library.

"Alex, can I ask you something?" Ethan asked just after the library doors closed behind us.

"Yes, of course." I answered eagerly, wanting to help him in any way I could.

"Can we meet tomorrow again sometime in the afternoon?" He asked looking into my eyes.

"Well, I would like to say yes, but I am not sure. Since the preparation for the ceremony started, my working schedule has been pretty unpredictable. So I'm sorry, I can't promise anything." I answered, honestly.

"It is fine. If you are free then we will meet again, right?" He asked, cheerfully.

"Yes, of course, Ethan." I answered, smiling.

He smiled back, glad to hear my answer. And then before we went our separate ways Ethan said. "Goodnight, Alex."

"Goodnight, Ethan." I said genuinely wishing he would rest well that night and the sorrow I witnessed on him wouldn't afflict him again.

***

The next day I was summoned early in the morning again to see Prince Noah in his room. 

When I arrived there Prince Noah was standing in front of his mirror while the maids were helping him with his clothes.

"Good morning, Your Highness." I greeted him.

"Good morning." Prince Noah said looking at me in the mirror.

"Is there anything special today, Your Highness?" I asked after noticing Prince Noah seemed a bit tense.

"No, not really." Prince Noah said, lacking conviction. 

"I see. May I ask, what is your schedule for today, Your Highness?" I asked the same question differently so I could understand why he seemed nervous. 

"Today this morning I will have breakfast with my siblings, and then I will have classes with my teacher. Later, I will have lunch with my sister and some guests. After that, I will just spend the rest of my day studying in my study room until dinner." Prince Noah answered me sounding tense, though he tried to not show.

'He is probably still tense about socializing with the guests.' I suspected since that was the only unusual thing on his schedule.

"Will you also have dinner with the guests tonight?" I asked, curious.

"No, but it will be with my siblings and my father." Prince Noah answered, without giving much thought. 

"I see, then it seems like we won't be able to have any meal together today, Your Highness." I pointed out.

"Oh, it is true…" Prince Noah said, surprised. By the reflection in the mirror, I noticed Prince Noah had just realized that. He was frowning and seemed guilty.

"It is fine, Your Highness." I quickly said. "It is good to see you spending time with your family." I added, smiling.

Prince Noah nodded weakly while looking away.

When the maids were done helping him, Prince Noah turned around and walked away from the mirror, getting closer to me.

"You should go have your breakfast now while I am with my siblings, Alex. You can meet me later in my study room." Prince Noah said with a complex look on his face.

"Yes, Your Highness." I said on autopilot, but then I remembered what I wanted to ask him since I woke up this morning. 

"M-May I ask you for something, Your Highness?"I asked hurriedly.

"Yes, what is it?" Prince Noah asked, curious.

"I've heard there is a pass for servants to access the library...Would you mind if you gave me one, Your Highness?" I asked, thinking about my deal with Peter.

I started to feel nervous as I realized that if Prince Noah denied me a pass, my deal with Peter would be over.

But then Prince Noah said as if it was no big deal. "Of course. After class, I will give you the pass." 

I smiled, feeling relieved. "Thank you, Your Highness."

Prince Noah nodded, and then he asked. "Your name is just Alex, right?"

"Yes…W-Wait, is it needed a name for the pass?" I asked after realizing why he would ask for my name.

Prince Noah nodded. "Yes, of course. It is an individual pass, after all."

His answer ruined my mood. I couldn't give Peter a pass with my name on it. What if we both got in trouble for that?

'Should I tell him the truth?' I asked myself, unsure.

Prince Noah seemed calm this morning so I just decided to be honest.

"...Actually, Your Highness, the truth is that the pass isn't for me." I said feeling embarrassed.

Just as I said these words Prince Noah frowned, clearly mad. "Who would this be for, then?"

"It is for Peter, he…He is a friend of mine. He used to be Prince Dylan's servant, by the way." I answered rushing into my words.

"I know Peter." Prince Noah said frowning. And then he crossed his arms and asked. "Why would he ask you for a library pass?"

"Oh, hm…Peter didn't ask me for the pass. H-He just told me he couldn't read as much as he wanted after stopping serving Prince Dylan, so I wanted to give him the library pass as a gift." I lied.

For a moment I thought Prince Noah didn't believe me by the way he was staring at me, which made me even more nervous than I already was. But then Prince Noah sighed and said.

"Alright, I will give you his pass later."

 "Thank you, Your Highness." I thanked him, feeling relieved that the deal was still up.

"Is there anything else you want?" Prince Noah suddenly asked looking into my eyes.

"No, that was all, Your Highness." I quickly answered, thinking I was lucky enough already since Prince Noah would give me the library pass even though I initially hid that the pass would be for Peter.

Prince Noah nodded. "I will be going now, then. See you in my study room later."

"Have a pleasant meal, Your Highness." I said, bowing respectfully, glad to know my part of the deal with Peter was done.

After Prince Noah left his bedroom followed by the maids I saw myself with the decision of going or not to the Servants' Hall.

'Peter might not even be there since it is still too early, so it will be just me.' I realized, not wanting to go.

Then I felt helpless again as I remembered how poorly I was at defending myself, having to rely on someone else for that.

"Without my magic I'm hopeless.'' I murmured.

'How can I become an adventurer one day like this? Having only a magic that I can't freely use even after leaving the palace?' I asked myself, getting more and more frustrated.

In the heat of the moment, an answer came to me. It wasn't the best plan, but was the best option I had.

I left Prince Noah's bedroom with certainty, not letting myself postpone or change my mind. I decided to go to the training ground. The person I wanted to see would likely be there.

When I arrived at the training ground I thought it would take me a while to find this person in the middle of so many people. But lucky for me, he found me first.

"Alex?" Someone called me from behind.

It was Theo, the person I was looking for.

"What are you doing here alone?" He asked, worried after I turned around to look at him.

I didn't answer him, I just bowed and intensely said. 

"Please, train me!"