Lasse1605
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Lasse16052mthCommentedI can foresee a great scammer for the future
Lars stood beside Elias, totally stunned and confused by what he was hearing. He had never been subjected to this amount of gaslighting before!- Lasse16052mthCommented
Good good, very good. Love being part of the start of your first Novel, but also hate having to wait for new chapters🥹 Also I‘d recommend putting your chapters through some kind of Grammatical AI Check. Although the errors aren‘t many to really impact the resd through, I think with little effort you can make the reading experience better👍
Ch 12 Temporary Goodbyes - Lasse16052mthCommented
Love music/instruments in Novels, especially because of TOMA, so I always appreciate these chapters. Also the only MC that I know of that somewhat plays the Flute is Xu Qing from Outside of Time, so it is really refreshing. You did really good with portraying the whole scene by the way
Ch 11 Moonlight Melody - Lasse16052mthCommented
Simple mistake …was reaching / …reached
This paragraph has been deleted. - Lasse16052mthCommented
Just another correction, or maybe I‘m too illiterate to know the original word. shoke=shook
Passerby's spared him a quick glance, wondering why this young man was suddenly laughing to himself while walking alone. Some even shoke their heads in pity, assuming that the handsome young man had perhaps lost his mind, maybe due to life's hardships. It was apparently a very common occurrence in this part of the city. - Lasse16052mthCommentedDamian had taken it upon himself over the years to combat the rate of crime happening across the lower district, as his parents were victims to a gang clash that had happened when he was just 10 years of age. Since then, Damian had become somewhat of a vigilante, fighting against the surging tide of crime and earning himself the nickname, the Slums Lawman, in the process. It was a title Damian took great pride in, as it showed that his efforts were bearing fruit.
- Lasse16052mthCommented
Idk if you can edit the chapters here. Instead of floor the Author probably meant flour
At the back of a good looking, modern bakery which sold yummy looking bread and other popular pastries at the heart of the central district, a hardworking young man was offloading bags of floor and sugar from the back of a transportation cart, moving with swift efficiency despite the scorching heat from the sun. - Lasse16052mthPosted
Review as of Chapter 6! Style: Very intriguing and detailed style of writing. Is good at making me visualize the scenes and the Author manages to keep me interested, for example he doesn‘t repetitively start his sentences and also possesses a rich word treasure. Story: Since I‘ve just read 6 chapters as of now, I can‘t really go in-depth here. But I like the premise very much. -The different Religions/potential conflicts -The importance of the opening chapters throughout the story -The Mc and his ‚brother‘ Grammar: Though there are 3-4 errors I noticed during my read, they aren‘t so fundamentally wrong that I didn‘t understand what the Author meant to convey originally. And 3-4 small errors in 6 whole chapters for someone who is writing his first novel is pretty damn good if you ask me. This is also a point that will just improve itself naturally as the time goes on and the Author is more accustomed to writing. Character: Here I think is the point that is most surprising when you think about the fact that this is the Author‘s first novel. I love all the characters, and they aren‘t 2-dimensional at all, having their own thoughts and personalities. -Of course our homeboy Elias, who has gone through some rough times, from loved and praised by the church to scorned and somewhat abandoned. I like his personality and responsibility as a ‚big brother’. I can‘t wait to see more of him -I love 2nine since he seems like a respectable old captain -I‘m also interested in what will happen with the 5 orphan children. Will they grow up alongside Elias, or will something else happen?