GalacticSlime

The story starts off pretty solid and givs a lotta info about the world it takes place in, but it ws pretty hard to digest all that at once. The two female leads bounce off each other pretty well so im looking forward to seeing where this goes.

There are a few grammar errors, like the absence of quotation marks, and the use of capital letters, but other than that its shaping up to be pretty solid. The system style concept is a tad generic but I'll see where it goes. Try using more paragraphs though, itll make for a smoother read. Keep it up!

Its a really good story, the grammar is on point and the world seems interesting. The fact that you start off with a younger protagonist leaves a lot of room for the story to grow, so im looking forward to that. There was a lotta info dumping in the first chapter though.

Its referring to Niveria's reaction to Kanon's presence after what he'd just done. Since he'd just finished slaughtering dozens of her comrades, it was her reflex reaction spurred on by instinctual fear.

The stoy works just fine, but it can come off as being random sometimes so Id recommend slowing down the pace and ensuring youve got a clear cut path planned out. Also, use quottion mrks for when chracters are speking, otherwise its jarring to figure out who's saying what.

This was pretty good. It sounds like youve got a decent idea of where you want the story to go, and the tension is stable throughou it. The character interactions were pretty nice too. Richard and Aurelia have a nice sibling vibe.

Pretty solid story. Silver does seem like a tragic character so im looking forward to whatever direction the character goes in. Also, try paragraphing more, if the lines are too spaced out then it becomes jarring to read.

It starts off with an interesting pemise and builds up to the mystery surrounding lucy and her mother. The story even has magical elements that I didn't expect to see at all, so this should be pretty interesting........try using more dialoue and consistently sticking to one perspective to enhance your flow.

For someone thats not really into romance, this actually got my attention pretty fast after the first chapter. Zachary seems like a troubled yet complex character, and Sonia feels like the perfect complement to him.....looking forward to seeing how this turns out.

This starts off in a unique way, even though it has the typical systems and stuff like that the opening chapter was more than enough to get me hooked. Kryannor is an interesting lead from the very start so this story has a lot of potential….