little_black_horse
Writing
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Okay, i get it. Thanks
oh yes, Chronos. Thanks by the way. I appreciate it!
Quest 5: Give for the best friend ( it's just a small task ) (finish on chapter 10)
Thanks
okay, thanks
Okay, i get it.
The story is quite interesting because it features two different POVs, but some things confused me for a moment (maybe because of the POV usage). If my suggestion is, maybe it can be in the first chapter of Kelly's first POV, in the second chapter of Baby's POV, so it seems more neat, or maybe it can be Kelly's even chapter, Baby's odd chapter is much more interesting. The storyline is interesting, I like it. However, I think the narration is still lacking a lot( maybe adding narration will make the story much more alive) Keep up the good work author!
very not verrry
this dialogue it's too long for me, maybe you can split it or add dialogue tags
"Okay, that's good." Sir santos nodded.
Romeo rolled his eyes, showing his annoyance." Okay, fine. I promise."
I think this dialogue is too long for me. maybe you can add a dialogue tag to make this dialogue alive.
He refers to who? Sir Santos?