Jwunder_99

I do believe this novel had the potential to be great. But you run ahead too often with a new girl forgetting about the older ones. Like Ye Qingyu who you brought back as an assassin and then did a 3 year time skip and there hasn't been a single mention of her since. I was rooting for the 2 to get together when she was just his gym trainer and then you brought her back, got my hopes up again and then disappointment. Plus there are whole plot points that you've forgotten. You also don't mention the different lvls enough for me to even understand what realm is higher. His 3 years in seclusion were wasted from what I could see. Since he had that flower that helped him break through to soul formation realm already with help of Pure Yin. But then there was also the other flower he had that's supposed to help you break through a whole realm without problems for 30 people. Plus the Ginseng he got at the market that's supposed to help him gather all Qi in 50 meter radius, which he had 10 of. He should've come out of his 3 year seclusion at the peak of what earth can handle, ready to break through to the immortal realm. Just waiting on his wives shadows etc. I've only read close to 500 chapters so far been reading for like the last 3 days straight. But I'm not sure I like the direction it's going but I guess I have 400 more chapters or so to see. Your writing isn't bad, but also limiting the number of girls and not just taking everything that walks can help with development of the story.

I really wanted to give this book a good rating as there for a while the concept and story were interesting. But by chapter 150 you blurred the lines too much, Will isn't the MC. The MC is now Ella, Will can't even seem to wipe his A*s without Ella helping. A shepherd is supposed to tend to his flock not have his flock tend to him. What was the point of the training that he went through, to have to commission the animals in a forest to help him win a battle? So that he can then threaten the dukes by telling them to challenge everyone else before challenging him. He should've just put the 2 in their place. Then he goes and fights a 2v2 with Ella against the magic users and Ella does all the work. Everyone isnt even afraid of Will at this point, they're all afraid of Ella. Might as well rename the story, The Strongest Goddess posing as a Goat and be done with it. This story is garbage and you're a sh*t writer who needs to learn how to write a story with an actual main character before you ever try your hand at writing again.

Hahaha, well you weren't the only one. If you read the whole Authors note. That's why I felt the need to say something, like 3 guys hit me up after not posting for a day. I'm like, I'm not Drack... I didn't disappear for over 6 months no contact. There were too many people that seemed worried that I didn't post for a single day. But I didn't mention names. You called yourself out here lol.

Honestly you're right, I just don't know how to change it. I mean, I feel like the Danmachi guys could easily destroy a building or two. But on that I just took what the original author wrote not knowing how to change things

Yeah, I know the OG author almost never put names after their dialog and kept people guessing who was saying what. But I do wonder if the dash and a name is fine, it looked kind of funny to me. I almost removed it, but I didn't want people playing a guessing game with the verbal back and forth. Do you have a suggestion to make it better or should I just leave it the same?

Lol hey Ace, Ace is my beta reader guys... he's here to make sure everything makes sense and is fully readable this time through. If he catches anything off then it will be changed. He is reading over my first 17 Chapters rn. Which is why I have yet to post more, delaying things until the original chapters are perfect for the readers so it isn't too hard to understand and make sure the book doesn't get dropped. He like me is an original reader of Dracks and wishes to make sure everything is perfect this time around so more people will get into the story. As the stories concept was good, it just wasn't written too well.

Even if Ashton dies to allow Max to steal his wives, I'm still pretty sure that Max's Grandma the one that's been searching for the family will show up to take the 3 guys out. Or at least she will find out about it and eventually go on a rampage through the kingdom or something. With how corrupt the kingdom is they could lose a family or 2 even the royal one and I'm sure plenty of people would be happy

This is a rewrite to fix a lot of different things. I can take into account the HOTD arc being too long and seeing where I can cut down on it. But since I'm changing things anyway and making this R18 story actually R18 instead of waiting like 400 chapters for MC to have his first time I was planning on throwing ecchi scenes in the HOTD arc to balance things. So I may not get to cut back on chapters per say but there will be more exciting chapters to help ease the boredom if that interests you any?

I've already strayed from the original. Although things are still close and it's only small changes as we're only 7 chapters in, still the more things changed here in the beginning the further it will stray from the source material later on. But in honor of the original, it's not like I plan on completely changing his story. I plan on really just fixing the story until I catch up with where he left off. Then everything from then on would be my original story. Also if you go back and put the chapters side by side you'll see just how much editing I've already had to do just to make the chapters readable. Drack and his editor weren't great at English. There was one chapter I had to edit about 60 percent of the whole thing just to make it fully make sense.

The only thing I'm wondering now is... is there a way the system can get him back the golden egg that we've been waiting so long for him to hatch? I mean the system must know where it struck out in the world to kill the supreme mage. So it should know where the egg is right? It will be disappointing if it goes to someone else or just hatches and runs wild after.