Thad_Zeitlin

*I think you meant Whoa! not Wooh,

*Yo! not Yoo,

*young man or yound adult not Young adulthood

There is something interesting about this story. Perhaps it is the nuances of intrigue? I have been enjoying reading this and I think others may like it. The character descriptions are limited, which is uncommon in light novels. The setting is underdeveloped, which is common in light novels. There are some minor typos and punctuation mistakes. Overall, it is readable so it gets a pass from me.

There is some unnecessary repetition in your writing of common nouns (e.g. in this paragraph it is 'woman'). *asian

Is the zero necessary?

The recurring typos seem to be entirely female pronouns and what not.

Your punctuation needs work and there seems to be a few small typos here and there. When you publish a work, it is expected you would have addressed small things like this especially when monetising it. Why? You leave the impression of a sloppy writer, which can be avoided.

*"That's a great idea! Maybe I should take a look," Arthur replied.

*her not hrr