Dehni_Olsen
Just a mom who suffers from <insert illnesses>. It sucks but if ya can’t work it, beat it! That’s exactly what writing does for me. I beat back my sickness by creating a different world all together.
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Dehni_Olsen3mthReplied to PeterPan- Dehni_Olsen3mthCommentedCh 1 Beneath The Moonlight: Story Of The Night Flower
- Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
You must be late -or - You’re late You’re must be late needs to be changed.
"H–how did you know this is my ro–room? You're must be la–late for your next class too!" She's afraid to look at his cold, blue eyes. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
You tell her Seb!!! Get it!
"Come with me! Haters can't hurt you now." Seb told her. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
I wish you would have described how they know each other. She calls him a nickname but why? It would improve the immersion of the book if you had a paragraph or two in the first or second chapter about their history.
"Y–you... you won! I can't believe it, Seb!" - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
Yay!! I LOVE red hair. I’m glad she has beautiful red hair!
Halora grabbed the black bag from her side and walked towards the exit. She tried to cover herself with her long, ginger red hair. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
Mine would be too, Halora!
Halora couldn't still believe that Sebastian Woo saved and protected her from Sandra. She never felt this way before, but her soul was on cloud nine. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented"Everyone, from this day, no one shall bully nor hurt her. But if you will do, I have no choice but to give you a lesson!" Sebastian Woo told the crowd coldly and furiously.
- Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
even when* the entire school
He cut her off and said, "On this day, I will be your knight shining armor! I will always be at your back even the entire school hates you," - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
in shining armor*
He cut her off and said, "On this day, I will be your knight shining armor! I will always be at your back even the entire school hates you," - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented"You bullied that poor girl, right?" He asked her and quickly grabbed the bag from her grip. "You are beautiful but like everyone else, you are a bit rude and lack of good attitude!" He told her with coldness in his eyes.
- Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
I suggest the word invisible, instead of disappeared. Otherwise it needs to be restructured.
She rolled her eyes and the crowd gave way to her. Halora wanted to be disappeared yet, she couldn't move her feet. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
onto* when something is on the outside, it’s onto; when something is inside, it’s into.
"I think she deserves to be saved from you, guys." spoke a good-looking man behind Halora. He looked at the crowd and winked until he grabbed the bowl of soup and poured it into her. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented"Slap that ugly girl who's trying to fit herself with us! Go, San!" One of the students said, smirked and glared coldly at her.
- Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
Like I said …
She sobbed silently and remained voiceless. Despite the painful words they threw at her, she stayed humble and forgiving. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
I’d slap her..
Shocked and surprised, Halora widened her eyes as she realized what Sandra did to her. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
onto*
But Sandra, the Campus Crush suddenly pour the cup of tea into her head. She giggled and put it over the table. - Dehni_Olsen4mthCommented
poured*
But Sandra, the Campus Crush suddenly pour the cup of tea into her head. She giggled and put it over the table. - Dehni_Olsen6mthReplied to Stephanie_Hyde_7818
Haha A lot of people say that. It’s cheaper than paying for an editor.
Ann’s mouth set in a grim line as she focused on the road ahead. Just then her phone rang and the call transferred to the cars in the built infotainment system, linked with the onboard diagnostics HUD screen. - Dehni_Olsen7mthReplied to Roth_RavenCh 1 Tayen and Spells