Grace_Ibata

I would remove this

As he observed Akimas body navigating through exit - a cold etc

Find synonym for unfolding

Akima advanced through the door, a spectral figure.

She was ashamed doubly? Why? Isn’t it a good thing her parent survived through her first Shane??

It’ very rare to have stories set in Africa with African names and African places. Overall I feel this is going to be an interesting story with an already strong world building. Can’t wait to read more