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I would remove this
As he observed Akimas body navigating through exit - a cold etc
Find synonym for unfolding
Akima advanced through the door, a spectral figure.
She was ashamed doubly? Why? Isn’t it a good thing her parent survived through her first Shane??
It’ very rare to have stories set in Africa with African names and African places. Overall I feel this is going to be an interesting story with an already strong world building. Can’t wait to read more