Bigou
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Bigou6mthCommentedCh 1 A Run-in- Bigou2yrCommented
"My soul is weakenED", (and not weekend) you had written the word well in the previous paragraph. 😉
"My soul is weakend?" - Bigou2yrCommented
I think you wanted to say no CHOICE here, that would make far more sense.
"I- I guess I have no chance ..." - Bigou2yrReplied to MonochromeJoker
I think "no choice" make far more sense than what is written.
Slowly, my vision became clear. What had been complete darkness before, now gradually gained fuzzy forms and silhouettes. It was dangerous to use this magic, as it gave my eyes a faint, grey glow. In the absolute darkness, this was easily spottable for human eyes, for nocturnal monsters however it worked like a beacon. Still, I had no chance but to use it. - Bigou2yrPosted
I honestly loved this story, thanks for sharing it. It's well written and all. There is only one phrase which seems to have ONE lone word missing toward the end of the last chapter. (But that's easy to correct.) As for the "stability of update", can't judge since I only discovered this story once it had ended. So to be fair, and since you can't skip a note, I put the maximum. (Not that stability of update is anything important to me, as long as there is update until the story ended.)
- Bigou2yrCommented
"Almost everything a human seemed sexual in some way." Me think there is a word missing here.
Hyacinth swallowed. She was still getting used to the idea of drinking and eating, although she did enjoy both very much. Almost everything a human seemed sexual in some way. - Bigou2yrCommented
Er… What's the language of this story? Why is it's tittle in English when the rest clearly isn't?
Ang mga tao ay bulag. - Bigou2yrCommented
I think you wanted to write body here instead of bpdy, but I might be wrong ;)
that's when I saw through tear coated eyes the girl with the box cutter walking over, the rest of the girls walked away as she kicked my limp bpdy over, she walked over to my crotch and lowered herself, grabbing my penis she began to use the box cutter, sawing back and forth at the base, I didn't have anything left it had felt like hours since they had started, I had blacked out several times and my body was broken in several places, I was limply and weakly squirming, a low groan sound constantly coming out, I had nearly exploded my vocal cords from the intensity of my screams. - Bigou2yrCommented
I believed doorway to have long become a lone word in English? (Unless you want to speak of something that's in the way/path of the door, potentially blocking it.) Granted, that's a rather minor error anyway…
about to enter the door way I began to hear the conversations of the occupants of the gym making my blood run cold and my teeth clench tight. - Bigou2yrCommented
Another error in the same paragraph that I hadn't seen before "they are like famuly to me" instead of family. (But don't let those two little things discourage you to continue.)
<I cant remember their names, when I all movement, they disowned me... But the doctors and nurses that took care of me they are like famuly to me, I would love to see them again. I dont know the hospitals name, but their names I can never forget. Jackson Bridge, Gavin Lawrence, London Steelheart, and Emily Stone.> - Bigou2yrCommented
"When I all movements", me think you forgot a word and wanted to write "When I LOST all movements."
<I cant remember their names, when I all movement, they disowned me... But the doctors and nurses that took care of me they are like famuly to me, I would love to see them again. I dont know the hospitals name, but their names I can never forget. Jackson Bridge, Gavin Lawrence, London Steelheart, and Emily Stone.> - Bigou2yrCommented
I really hope Alexa will find (and use) something to change her name, her curent one is really annoying.
Name: Wait what? a system? - Bigou2yrCommented
It's funny, but I hope she can change her name (and will do it soon), because reading the system call her "Wait what? A system? everytime will rapidly become unberable.
Name: Wait what? A system?