Mathdebate
Im currently 18 and in a sci-fi reading phase. I've read over 2000 novels so far in the past 3 years on multiple websites. Sick of the lack of spaceship books so I'll write my own :D
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not well thought out at all, childish mentality, lack of common sense, it feels like a random 13 year old got isekai'd and slapped with a system that carries him. Supposed to be a "genius weapon designer" yet completely relys on the system for everything. Uses his weapons, as well as a caveman, would use a rifle as a club. Act's like a scared coward at the first sign of danger unless he has his system OP cheats. If this guy didn't have his system he would have died unknown somewhere after he got transmigrated.
i mean he's using a tank like its a melee weapon, it has a range of 10km, at least go back a few km and use a gun like a gun and not like a blunt stick.
real talk, this sudden romance with "lotus" is so random and weird, you had a carefully constructed novel, then you threw a wrench into it with weird predator vibes and unwanted romance. This isn't cute or nice to read its creepy and offputting.
Had a childish tone but wants to portray a badass mature protagonist, the style of writing doesn't fit the book and way too many cliche's. Background is subpar with typical predictable settings and history with things just falling into the protagonist hands when he wants it, walks home sees perfect member, walks around finds perfect base and fighters. Things don't work like that unless the "system" is involved but the author tries to pass it off as natural. tldr: this book is a misfit of ideas in one.
that night, lin fan entered through her back door ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
a spear can be used a staff... a spear is basically a staff with a spear tip. a staff is also a perfect long range blunt weapon that can let you attack multiple zombies at a distance just by swinging it, even an untrained person can do this. if your talking blunt weapon like a baseball bat, that'll put you in arms reach of a zombie. 1 wrong move and a you'll be scratched or bitten by the zombie, vs even if you mess up with a spear you can drop it and run and still be safe. In multiple zombies fighting you, I think a baseball bat or mace would be worse than a spear as to attack you must be in the attack distance of a zombie, plus it would get more tiring swinging around a weapon with all that weight in a shorter form rather than a longer form like a spear
spears are the easiest weapon an untrained person could use. it can double as a staff for smashing and knock back/stuns, and you can always brace the spear and let the zombie charge into the point. even if you dont hit the head you can still stick it in their body to hold them in place.
i guess that's true, shooting unrelated people is a very narrow-minded and selfish thing to do in the first place- argumentive speaking shooting bullies at school is still a selfish and narrow-minded way of resolving a situation, but as a bullied unmatured teen it does happen and makes sense from their perspective. MC is supposed to become a demon lord, though I do find him quite childish in his reasoning and mindset. From acting like a spoiled child to the demon girl to giggling about killing people he just met in that captive room. I would have recommended a colder MC in the same situation, with a mindset of they're being 2 sides to every story- my side and the wrong side. The setting you described would have made the MC grow up really quick leading from his mother's death to his tragic childhood. Those tend to grow up a kid quite fast leaving all the childish stuff behind. Or an older man who had society beat down on him with a series of unfortunate events leading to his death (company corruption, gf cheating, toxic family members, etc). On a company gathering with all the bad people gathered they transmigrate like your mc etc etc. idk you can make it a family company or something and piece things together. Anyways my rant is over, good luck with your novel!
idk how i feel about him shooting neutral people, like back in high school there were some people i didn't talk to or interact with in class simply because i was too busy with my grades and extracurriculars. its a lil too much to kill over no interaction ykyk but then again he is a future demon king.
absolute s**t show of a novel. supposed elite "trained from childhood of a hidden hundred billion company" yet he's 25 making worse love choices than my 13 year old sister in middleschool. man get cheated on so many times but his "hardened on the battlefield ruthless a**" lets go of the woman every time or responds midly. every hundred chapters theres mutiple instances of him being cheated on. the worst part is he never acts ruthelessly or uses any of his supposed power really. this book could easily end in 30 chapters if anyone with half a brain was put into those situtations instead of him.
its a fictional novel... MC has truth abilities, went into a different world, became a super-genius suddenly, adding some of my suggested elements shouldn't be too much of a stretch. Just like the car chases in fast and furious, its all for entertainment my guy.
If the author ran with the whole "Bc he's undead he hates living things" trope from the start, maybe it would have fit better. But the problem is the author decided to make him an ordinary dude (band player or whatever) and because he died to some terrorists in the final moments of his life, the author twists it to become the sole reason he hates humanity with a passion. Like it's just sloppy writing at this point, he could have written it as maybe a celebrity getting unfairly ostracized in his career by the general public and because of that gets dragged through the mud for years before taking his own life, or a world-class researcher who was helping fight a super virus for the world, only to meet his unjust end through greedy politicians who twist the narrative into having the general public hate him, dying in his last moments hating the very people he tried to save who didn't even bother to look deeper into the politicians lies, etc. But I digress, anyway the point I'm trying to make is such instances of weird twisted logic in the story break the immersion and ruin the quality of the story. TLDR: Fire breathing dragon is cool and makes sense but "because a man died of overly hot, hot sauce causing him to breath fire as a dragon in his next life" is just kinda weird. For your second point about how because he is an undead now and feels no empathy etc, that's a cool and nice genre and I'd love to see more but the problem with this one is the author has a fetish for humanizing the victims that just make this story too much for me, I already went over this in my first review and i'm not saying he should become the protector of a village, or save every tom dick and harry he comes across, the author just goes TOO far in the opposite direction. You could argue maybe some people like reading about him killing random humans he comes across and i'd say fine I guess that's ok, but humanizing every person is too much. It's like having a documentary play about cruel chicken farming conditions and the suffering they go through in their poor 3-month life just as your trying to eat some goddam fried chicken. There are more points I could make but this comments getting a bit too long. TLDR: There are plenty of ways to make the MC kill humans but the morals and logic here kinda scuffed. It's like reading a war novel where the authors trying to have you root for the Germans in WWII where they get oddly specific on each atrocity committed making this kinda the NTR of Undead category, just TOO far for me. *But some might like it ._.