IAmMicah
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IAmMicah2yrPostedIt is interesting for sure. It's hard for me to tell if my critiques are because of the story itself or simply because this is not a genre I usually read. I wonder why she is so insistent on getting revenge for the people who hurt the original body's owner. In my eyes there is nothing wrong or trashy about being weak, but it seems like she was also mean and tyrannical herself, making me wonder if she brought some of the hatred on herself. She also seems to just be really good at everything. I wonder what challenges she will have to face in the future and how she will grow as a character. Still, I think the world is interesting and I actually enjoyed the smaller chapters, which are a big contrast to my own long chapters. That made it easy to read through a lot of the story without getting trapped in one scene for too long.
- IAmMicah2yrPosted
I do think that the character and story development are good. This is not my usual genre of story, so it's hard for me to give too much advice, but for those who enjoy gossip, intrigue, and work/school drama type stories you will find plenty of it here. An interesting peak into the lives of people with real joys and real struggles. The characters are relatable, and I like the friendship between the FL and her best friend.
- IAmMicah2yrPosted
I'm enjoying the story so far. In particular the end of chapter 1 has me wondering if his book idea is going to come back into okay later. The English could use some improvement. It's understandable, I knew what was happening, but some of the phrasing and word choice seemed awkward. I wouldn't let that stop you from giving it a read though!
- IAmMicah2yrReplied to Sela_h
Is it cut off on your screen for some reason, or do you just think the sentence is awkward?
As he walked to the next intersection, the street lights seemed dimmer and fewer. Looking down dim street, he saw lights shining from a few shadier looking establishments. The few groups of men there were on the street looked rough and secretive. Still no Enforcers. Weiren began to suspect this was not a very safe place to be at night. The rain had also begun to grow heavier again, and he decided that, taking both of these things into account, it would be wiser to give up his hunt for the Enforcers and turn back. - IAmMicah2yrPosted
I do think the story is interesting and unique, though I've only gotten through the first few chapters so far. The writing and grammar could use some significant improvement, and the style often reads more like a script than a book at times, but it does get better as the chapters go on. Overall I think the idea and the world are interesting!
- IAmMicah2yrReplied to Andry_Reyes
I though about it, but I think maybe I'll keep them for now (and not just because my mom likes them haha.) If more people end up really disliking them in the future, maybe I'll take them out. :')
The sound of thunder rolled, barely audible over the whirring of gears and the clanking of metal. *SHRRRRRIP* Weiren taped another box shut before pushing it along to be sorted, stored, and eventually shipped. Another box came his way. *SHRRRRIP.* Yes it's true, Weiren was a professional box taper. Weiren smiled, pleased with his work. - IAmMicah2yrReplied to Andry_Reyes
Thanks for the advice! I'll try and split them up more in the following chapters! I think my Wheel of Time influence is showing.
Perhaps most people would find this work boring. In truth, so did Weiren, but boring was safe; or at least as safe as anything could be in Galen. And that was what Weiren wanted. He was smart, and if not exactly attractive, he certainly wasn't ugly. His parents had had enough money to put him through high school, where he excelled. Weiren could have pursued any path he had wanted. But he had seen too much of the city. To excel in anything was to put a target on your back. Writers had their work stolen, bosses were cheap with their workers, performers were exploited for their talents, scientists' research was fought over, sometimes to the death, and if you tried to do something about any of it, you could be sure you were next. Even his parents were... "No. Best not to think about that", Weiren thought. It was better to keep a low profile; blend in. Endure the poor wages, work quietly, make an honest living. There were no guarantees, but this was as close as you could get. - IAmMicah2yrReplied to Sela_h
- IAmMicah2yrPosted
I think the story is actually very interesting so far, and I am interested to see where it goes. I do think the grammar needs some work, especially since it does affect the readability some. Still the way the narrator talks is relatable, even if it isn't very traditional for a novel, and I care about that character. Good start!