Cool concept. The idea of a untrustworthy and shifty kind of town, while not unique, is certainly interesting to write about. I like some of the world building done to the story. Additionally, the characters have some promise and the town in itself is showing some great signs of intrigue and curiousity (to me). However, I'm going to be honest. This could use some improvement. The writing quality is debatable, sometimes being tolerable. Other times, it becomes detrimental to the flow of the story. The characters' growth and depictions are somewhat flat and confusing. The setting and plot are a little confusing and contradicting each other (and while the author has stated that most of the points I made about the plot are intentional, a better communication of the intentionality, whether be through further descriptions of those details, would help). And overall, the length of the novel's chapters are too short to fully immerse me into the plot, nor fully keep me compelled with its story (although some events do spike my interest in the novel). Overall, it has real potential, and noting the author's nice recieving of my criticisms and promise to improve the novel, I have hopes for this. For now, this review simply states that it is interesting and cool but lacking in depth, sophistication, and cues. Still, can't wait to see what's next.

Good observation. I hope these comments aren't degrading or demotivating you. You have an interesting concept and potentially good characters. Some practice and some refinement is keen onto making your story, and even writing in itself, so much better. You got this, though. Don't worry.

Hmmmm, I see.

Okay... I'm not sure if I can that things have improved. It's definitely something. Something I'm noticing is that the chapters are relatively short. I know the author is defining the chapters' meanings (case files and regular cases) but even then, the pacing and length of these chapters leave much to be desired. Now, I appreciate the growing dynamic between Ace and Ruben. It's nice. I just kinda wish there were more scenes to show that growth. The encounters with the car, the truck, the main hall, and the house aren't enough to demonstrate a growth in their relationship, considering that most of it had them in a annoyed-playful kinship (and, again, were relatively short). Also, the characters themselves are significantly changing at times. Ruben acts now less arrogantly and more considerate towards Ace and Ace loses the calculated touch of her character until the reminder of her personality by the end. While I could say the growth is nice since it adds a layer of depth to the characters, it isn't enough, nor justified from the dearth of events happening. Additionally, not much was added to the plot outside of the end, which honestly spiked my interest for the next chapter. All in all, I could say there's some improvement considering the character's new dynamic and interesting direction. But the thin foundation of it, both gramatically and thematically, isn't really helping anything with it.

Oooooh. Suspense.

Alright so they establish that Ace is cold. Nice. Some establishment of lore. One thing, though. What's with the sudden amicability between the two? They didn't have much chemistry nor a form of dynamic in the first two chapters, especially with Ace acting very annoyed at him. But now? They're almost pals, snickering and playfully responding to one another. And this is only the next day from the last chapter. So why the sudden character shift?

One, the wording is kinda confusing. A lot of repetition with a lack of substantial grammar that could help define Ruben's processing. Two, weird character change considering that Ruben was apparently the stupid/inconsiderate jerk from the first two chapters. Not inherently a bad thing; just adding onto my sense of distortion.

...the Whispering Pines." Okay but one criticism. The portion in which we are introduced to our characters could've been better expanded and delved deeper into. Oh, well. Let's see how it goes.

Interesting. Why the name change?

You literally asked where was Tim before you forgot who he was. Could be a story element but I kinda wish it was better indicated.

Why is the mayor, as well as the entire town, celebrating the arrival of one lowly and regular detective and another that, while more profecient and probably better known, is also relatively unknown to the town? I know the town strangely knew that they were coming but it could've helped if there was some awareness to this fact.

I think you should clearly communicate if Ace is talking. That's usually done with apostrophes (' '). I recommend that you do that in order to seperate the narrator from the inner dialogue of a character.

Okay, wait. If people forgot who Tim was, especially his unofficial girlfriend, then why now has it been recognized (whether externally or not) that he's gone? Maybe that could attribute to the late investigation date but it's odd to say the least.

Wait, why is this case being reviewed a year later? Usually, cases like disappearances should be take place relatively close to the initial disappearance. Otherwise, that's just... rude and inhumane.

Okay, interesting. I like the direction this is heading, especially with the end and the description of the monster. But at the same time... What? First of all, some of the details of the plot and the case itself is confusing. Secondly, I know I said the writing can get better, considering it's only the beginning. But, in its current state, it kind of hinders my reading experience. Third, conversations are weird. Things are phrased in a weird manner (outside of story beats), inner dialogue (and even some characters' timing of sppech) isn't properly defined. And the conversations themselves are relatively short (although this is my personal opinion). I could say more but I don't think point any more problems that just lack of depth and short and confusing dialogue. I will specifically comment on paragraphs to help convey the criticisms better. However, as it stands, it still has potential and an intriguing narrative. It's just a bunch of things in between that's a little rattled.

Hmmm... Seems promising but I'm not quite sure how to feel about the story. The idea of a town having an unstable continuity (or people remembering/forgetting things everyone else knows/doesn't know about) seems pretty cool but I wasn't fully pulled into it due to it being slightly confusing and not fully developed. I recommend describing verbal signs (like describing twitches, sudden movements, stutters, etc) to display those shifts in continuity/knowledge. The writing is also unstable as, for me, it got worse as the chapter progressed. However, it's not that bad. The potential is there, no doubt. But it feels like there's still work to be done. Still, only the prologue so it can still be good. Decent intro.

Thanks.

I'm liking how this novel is turning out.... for some part. Time to rant. WHYYYYYYYY WHY DO YOU TURN TO THE SUPAHERO ACADEMY OR ORGANISATION SHTICK?! Like this novel would've been so much more interesting and cool without the standard "hero agency".} Imagine if they were also like the bad guys: knowing who Breta is, but with a different purpose. Something like personal and stuff. Without the superhero thing. I know that it would've happened, considering the supervillain setup but still... It's disappointing to see a novel that looks mysterious and tense from the outside... having to go through this forced "superhero" route. Also, note that I'm not quite vibing/liking too much the MC. I'll give some props for the character actually being unique. But Breta isn't a great character due to her emotionless attribute. It makes it hard to relate to the character and see her struggle not just with bad things, but with seemingly good things. The story is still cool, and it definitely is trying to handle this new story element well but still... I'm not quite fully liking where this is going.

Ok.....? I think I'm starting to get the hang of this. Although I still hate the commas, I think it's now appearing less of an issue and the story is outshing now the writing quality... Very intriguing indeed. Twists and turns keep this novel going but I will say one thing... The "advanced/special brain" idea.... I don't see much of it proved. The MC isn't really smart before this chapter, as she just acted like a defenseless girl, who if she was very big brain, could've outmaneuvered and outplayed the bad guys. Maybe it could be that I'm getting a little picky but... come on. Support the big brain concept with actual big brain plays. Other than that, story going good, writing is slightly better but still weird, and overall... Nice.

Hmmm... I'm now... mildly confused. Or slightly. It's just... I'm not liking the commas man. They're always there to ruin the length of a perfectly good sentence. In fact, I read one of the earliest paragraphs, which was like 2 sentences with a lubricous amount of commas to extend it and my god... I'm starting to hate this. The story is intriguing and some moments do feel compelling and sometimes thrilling, but right now... The writing quality is damaging what could brilliance can this novel achieve. Continue to hope it gets better.