RyanSe4
Working on "Down The Cliff" fantasy world.
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RyanSe41yrPostedThe story is good overall, and I do like how the characters are portrayed, however the actual quality and consistency of the writing is definitely the biggest drawback of this story. A few time skips were not even mentioned, entire days unaccounted for with no mention of them passing, the tense changes from past to present regularly, and the usage of commas is excessive and doesn't make sense often. I do enjoy the story a lot- it would just be a lot better if the actual writing were at a higher level.
- RyanSe41yrCommented
I am a bit confused. There doesn't seem to be a mention of a time skip until it mentions Esca's passing.
Valerian woke up the next day when sunlight flooded the library. He yawned as he recalled what day it was. He would be the last to go to bed and the first to get up. He hurriedly stood up and rushed to the bathroom. After quickly relieving his bowels and washing, he rushed to the garden directly. - RyanSe41yrCommented
Reminds me of the GTA 5 Mechanic
"Alright, I've finished scanning through these phones, unlocking locked files and folders, you name it," said the techno. "So, what do you need, boss?" - RyanSe42yrCommented
I've just noticed something with these stories, Earth refers to the material which makes up the earth, usually on the crust, but this world probably isn't Earth, although I can't think of a word which would work. Soil, Dirt, Ground...they don't really work since Earth magic affects dirt and stone, and ores and such.
Billy knew several ones a lot bigger than that, but they were from Earth… in any case, now he could see why Edward wanted the cooperation of the elementalists. To cross something that large, they would need a very steady bridge, and the people of the town didn't know how to build them with wood. Earth magic was truly the only solution. Still, considering that the elementalists didn't know how to make a bridge, it might not last for long. When everyone approached, they saw some weird movements on the lake… Some big ass fish were there, and they had the ugliest appearance compared to all the others Billy had seen on Earth. Their teeth were quite long and couldn't even stay inside their mouth when it was closed. When a stupid kid approached too much, one of the creatures fired a Water Ball at his stomach and made him fall on the ground, unable to breathe due to the pain for a few seconds. - RyanSe42yrCommented
She didn't seem very mad... it looks like Billy is the one who is overreacting to me
"What I mean is that it seems that they are short handed, since she never managed to wound me…" Billy said and frowned as well. "Geez… what is wrong with you? Why are you so angry this early in the morning?" - RyanSe42yrCommented
health*
This paragraph has been deleted. - RyanSe42yrCommentedCh 1 The Beginning of the End (Edited)
- RyanSe42yrCommented
Well. That's quite a lot for a person to go through. The father dies, the mother hangs herself, and then his new love also decides to do the same, leaving him behind all alone even though he tried to hard to keep them safe. Quite selfish if you ask me, although they weren't exactly in the right mindset, it was still selfish regardless.
This paragraph has been deleted. - RyanSe42yrReplied to PhantomMedjay
I think they're confused because Synthia was asking for food a bit quickly after experiencing such a tragic and emotionally difficult situation. I think most people would lose their appetite in this situation.
This paragraph has been deleted. - RyanSe42yrCommented
It's kinda crazy to think how terrifying it would be for a woman in a scenario like this. Almost all men would just be killed or injured, but women are much more at risk to prolonged torture, and it makes you think about how it must be day to day, because in many countries, walking alone at night, and sometimes during the day, is dangerous in that it won't just be a robbery most of the time, but something worse. Of course some men would be raped too by other men or even women, but it would be much rarer.
This paragraph has been deleted. - RyanSe42yrReplied to EverythingRelevant
It depends. I think in this situation it would be 3x. If it is 300% of the original value, then it is 3x, however if it is the original value PLUS 300% then it would be a quadruple boost (4x).
"One thousand two hundred points of attack, coupled with the double boost from the Heart of Massacre and ten times attack speed, it can deal twenty-five thousand points of damage in one second. Damn, this is heaven-defying!" Li Cheng happily muttered to himself. - RyanSe42yrCommented
life*
This paragraph has been deleted. - RyanSe42yrCommented
It would also make him seem like an elementalist, and he might be hated
After practicing for a week, Billy's skill reached level five, and he also made the bow level up five times. The effects that he could put on his bow still were weak and not impressive. However, it was probably because Billy still didn't know much about that world and its possibilities. In any case, the arrow creation effect seemed interesting… could the bow produce arrows by itself? That wasn't something he had seen so far, so it was strange. - RyanSe42yrCommented
Wraith reference, or just coincidence?
"I guess I will put aside the idea of learning Archery… I wonder if there is a skill that will alert me if an arrow is being pointed at me?" Billy thought while rubbing his chin. - RyanSe42yrCommented
read that as "big-ass ham"
The apprentices of the hammersmiths showed how strong they were by using some big-ass hammers. While the guys with closed eyes showed how they could fight with swords even without opening them. It seemed like a spectacle… the whole presentation. Soon enough, the instructors of Billy's tribe made their apprentices spar against each other. There was nothing impressive going on, but everyone paid attention to them. - RyanSe42yrCommentedCh 33 Pot of Chicken Soup
- RyanSe42yrCommentedCh 29 Chapter 029: Panlong Acupuncture
- RyanSe42yrCommented
AKA an expensive Uber I presume
Xu Le arrived at the Shanghai Eastern Sports Center in a private car. - RyanSe42yrCommented
I didn't even think about that, he'll definitely win! I think he will have a few days at least in the system space to practice tirelessly!
Xu Le could also enter the system space to train for half a month under the 365-times slower time flow.