atimOchisk

I tried to get in to this but I can't it's filed with so much exposition that it's a bore to read through he monologs so much like at one point he spends three THREE sentences talking about climbing a tree it's ridiculous so much can be cut out but it's not and the only reason I can think of that it's not is cuz he is padding the story with usless detail to make it to 5k words per chapter here is some wisdom for you show don't tell you keep telling us all this stuff that isn't important at the moment so there is no story to pull a reader in

what? he said what would you do if you had to opportunity to see the sun one more time he never asked you what you wanted? so I'm confused.

I guess since their hands went inside his torso they quite literally stole his heart

yeah but.... he's in the body of a baby why would anyone think it's a prank? like you can clearly tell your a baby again I would assume anyone would think of being reborn

are you okay? in what world does ducking someone make them your partner? just cuz you go out and duck someone doesn't make them your partner haven't you heard of casual sux?

dude no one cares what you like and don't like this is fiction there not real people so it doesn't matter

wait what? observe uses chakra?

Blake is a smart cooky I'm sure she would be able to tell there is something special about him just from the fact that they would send her and him alone and it would be wise to not underestimate your teammate and I feel like it was an oversite on your part that you wouldn't think that white fang wouldn't get them both aware of each other abilities first before sending them on a mission that could be dangerous

I don't see why he would think it would be strange that they wouldn't promote him right away just cuz he can fight well doesn't mean he would be a good leader so they would have to check to see if he would be able to lead, wouldn't they? isn't that just common sense, like your going into an organization they have rules and ways to do things you won't suddenly become the leader just cuz you're strong

what is that from?