I'm lost here, in the last chapter he was in the library limping, bleeding and clearly tired but in this chapter it goes outside the chapter where I don't know what the equivalent of off-screen image is called. weirder still it takes place in vale, seeing this situation I thought who it was found in mistral seen as vale is supposed to resemble the best places kof egalitarian kof kof well after that I have never yet finished season 3 so level of knowledge, I am quite limited to fanfic. the passages of time which go a long way are quite vague on the exact period where the current mc is located, I thought I understood who did not have canonical dating. do you want an idea? give a dating based on I don't know, after the Great War. second idea uh... criminal?!

Brutal indeed, both his first and current life.

This is the first time since I started reading fanfic that I've seen this. the chapter is very rushed, the date does not fit the description of 200 before the canon Bleach event, 400 years, double that, well it didn't matter the aged hollows too. on the other hand become a hollow at the age of 3? the death of the mc who dies in a cliché way too short with this girlfriend? and the temporalities for those who grow in age plus the time which is in hueco mundo are too rushed for chapter 1. in short it begins in a strange way without us understanding what kind of people and the mc with a massive acceleration of death, revive, remort with corruption, hueco mundo then evolution into gillians in the last line? too short for all at once. my advice, take the time to develop the mc, add moments in his first which motivate him in bleach of the how, the reason, the why, these relationships before on the family, professional side. then take the time for ideas for your story without doing 50 things in the same chapter, unless you do long chapters which go at least 6,000 to 10,000 on average you risk losing readers for some who will be confused throughout the chapter because even without a spelling error I had the impression of reading stuck together from different pages which do not belong to the same chapter (my impression in any case was disturbing). to finish you set how many words per chapter you intend to do for ease at the same time you are your future readers who have become accustomed to your rhythms, it is talking about the temporalities from the beginning to the end by specifying above days, months, years etc. this way your readers will be able to spot it more easily in terms of the time that has passed than when I saw the first since its holofication I do you know if it was 10 or 150 years that have passed in the last paragraph. that's all I had to say, keeping the advice to put into practice, it's up to you to see if it helps you or not in all cases, nothing obliges you, you can very well learn in your own way in your conditions. The most important thing is that you write your way, and if these tips have helped you, so much the better, get your stories off to a good start and keep up the fun. yours

he sowed chaos and committed mass extermination and earned rewards quite useful in case of death situations. but with all these bandits who did not feel fear, despair, anguish in short very negative emotions, and yet not a single grimm was attracted? I admit I don't understand, human habitations outside the four kingdoms of Remnant appear and disappear regularly when they don't have grimms as a major problem. 5

he would have made "Jack the Ripper" proud with his easy free 10 carnage

two weeks to prepare this? heh well the bandits must not be in a hurry since time. 8

7

I forgot what the first chapters looked like so I read it again, but weren't there more chapters before? If I'm not mistaken, he had about ten of them, is it a handwriting?

Welcome back to you and thank you for the chapter

Great chapter! But I have a question, so far how many different genetic heritages are there coming from the primarchs and if there will also be the one belonging to the traitors. Where when they come out of the new world, will there be Space Marine Primaris in Blacksouls?

10 yay

8

9 because I understand the MC about the practice of "you cost death" or the fact that is sometimes (to be polite) too much harem... Kill the harem. And the gags

Will the new Happy be stronger than his canon monologue? Will he ever be able to transform like Carla into humanoid form?

He will have to be careful with the number of words that use it, especially the ones that are much more dangerous than this one. Or limit this use to the strongest monsters and the number of a horde

The chapter is quite long and in some interactions you should add the moment when the MC goes from one point to another when there is a time passing because otherwise it gives the impression that you are in a hurry. And there's also the fact that it's small, its grimoire... Really small, I wonder if he would be the only one who can read it or if he will be forced to buy a magic tool would only allow other person to read lol. But apart from that, it's a good and long introduction, I wonder how will be the next chapter

Wait, it's less than 2 years old chronologically speaking. He exterminated everyone, including his mother at 2 years old?

There's one thing that really bothers me is the pages that repeat themselves several times, especially at the beginning I feel like I'm going backwards and frankly it made me quickly check the whole thing to see how far it continues. I can't enjoy reading because of the extension that spoiled the pleasure of reading, no really I have to shorten it because it was simply aberrant, just with the first 5 pages the 6 gave me the impression of having entered a loop. Even in the original language there are more than 50 pages so half of the text is similar from beginning to end, even double by dint of reading in short it cut off my desire to read. You really need to fix the chapter because for the introduction like that in its current state. It hurts me just to see it, thank you for your understanding.

And of course probably better to do a slight AU to add, while you're at it there are a lot of ideas that could work

In fact, they're both 15 years old and to see it's been... Weird