James_Jones_4468
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James_Jones_44684mthCommentedwhy not use their faction chat like Colin did earlier in the story to gather all members before the beast tide?
Jayce flicked through the messages, his eyes turning dull. 'That baldy is such a clingy bastard.' he remarked inwardly. To be fair, he probably should have messaged Dion as soon as he could, however there were more pressing matters at the time.- James_Jones_44684mthCommented
for some reason this part in the story sounds pretty similar to a part in another story.
The blue light from the system screen reflected on his face as he smiled, revealing two big incisor teeth touching his bottom lip. Drops of sweat rolled down his cheek. - James_Jones_44684mthCommentedCh 373 Reach
- James_Jones_44684mthCommentedCh 373 Reach
- James_Jones_44684mthPosted
- James_Jones_44686mthCommentedCh 8 CP : 8 - Weekend
- James_Jones_44686mthCommented
instead of saying to take a rest just say to rest.
Time continued to pass, and soon night arrived. The driver stopped the van in a good area to spend the night and take some rest after what happened earlier. - James_Jones_44689mthCommented
𤣠I love it
Lux Von Kaizer's Weakness - Donald Tramp - James_Jones_446811mthCommentedCh 319 319. Out in The Rain
- James_Jones_44681yrCommented
instead of retrieved would flow better with stored
In a matter of seconds, they were at the entrance of the forest and Ray retrieved silver back into the system and carried his blood spear, and entered back into the village. He didn't want the villagers to see silver and think he's a beast. - James_Jones_44681yrCommented
who are they? should be the wording
The first thing Ray saw was the silver shining armor that a certain person wore along with other in the group, "it's them" Arya marveled at the sight of these people, "who are these?" Ray asked. - James_Jones_44681yrCommented
instead of kept should use put for example I put the item on the floor or I put it in my pocket. it would help flow.
The others also looked at their card and kept them in their pockets, "what should we do now?" Ray asked the group, "what else, complete as many tasks as we can and get some money or possibly raise our rank" Jack replied to him. - James_Jones_44681yrCommented
I would use "could not" instead of "couldn't not" it sounds a little off. just some advice good story line though so far keep it up.
"What! this humanoid dogs are really getting on my nerves, how dare they call me it", the kobold couldn't not understand what he was saying so they raised their weapons and swung it aiming for his head. - James_Jones_44681yrCommentedCh 48 The Blacksmith's Daughter
- James_Jones_44681yrCommented
her
Wang Ran reprimanded him. - James_Jones_44681yrCommented
not sure what sticking the tongue out would mean in this sentence.
Lin Momo stuck out her tongue and felt a little guilty. - James_Jones_44681yrCommented
not sure you have to say Wang Ran everytime you use his name Wang would be good enough thanks just trying to give some feedback.
Wang Ran held a pan in his left hand and a hammer in his right as he slowly walked downstairs.