Bongyes
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Bongyes3yrCommentedThis is ADORABLE! i love this, they are so happy together~
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Another typo, now he ligh;y jogs. Weird way to jog. Jokes aside, I really reccomend some Microsoft Word/Open Office etc. tool with checking writing (even Google Docs works, but not very well)
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Oh nooo Joshua is transforming into JOshue! STOP THIS! Yeah, more typos :< Maybe write stories in Word first (or somethin similar)? it catches up such typos usually pretty well, making them red.
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girlwho? space button broke for a moment i see (reminds me of my keyboard on office PC. the space button is just horrid). Add the space :3
"I'm Alexis Wynch, the 3rd Candidate. It's nice to meet you Aiden." Alexis was a short girl who seemed to be a year younger than Aiden. Her height made as tall as Aiden's chest as she had a large grin upon her freckled face. Her hair had messy curls all kept in pony tail as she reached out her hand to shake Aiden's hand. Aiden then reached out and shook her hand, but she then quickly grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. Aiden then noticed her physique and clothes. Even with her small body, she had a strong grip. She wore a tight shirt with a faded green jacket with tight leggings similar to what a ballerina would wear. Aiden then gave a nervous smile as he replied to Alexis. - Bongyes3yrCommented
Oh, typo Again, its Mr not MR. Typos be hidin everywhere
"I..." Mari stopped herself as she looked at Mr. Oliver's concerned eyes, she then sighed. "I kinda miss having Aiden here in school, I would usually tease him and just spend my time with him. And he and I would spend the time together, and he was my best friend and we were inseparable. But without him, everything just feels bland and lacking, and the day just feels empty and boring." - Bongyes3yrPosted
This is such a fun story! It's even better later than in first chapters ,where this is was mostly cheesy slive of life/romance story. Now there is action, intrigue and tons of characters! Im exctied to see what there will be in the future! I just hope weekly updates will come back, as promised. Keeping up pace with updates is hard, but i believe in you! :D
- Bongyes3yrCommentedCh 16 A Night of a Hunt
- Bongyes3yrCommented
I would change "Hawk then turned to the group, there were 4 people in the group." to "Hawk then turned to the group, which had 4 other members". Repeating "group" twice isnt neccesary. I would also change "And lastly was" to "Lastly, there was". Its weird to use "And" as beggining of a sentence.
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The Figure is just after "The figures". I woulg change it to "One of the figures" to avoid repetition
The figures then stopped on a roof as one then stood up and stared at the city. The figure was wearing black tactical gear which seemed to block out any light from shining upon it, it had a black jacket with the hood covering his face. The nightly breeze returned yet again lightly ruffling the jacket. It then removed the hood revealing the Hawk. He stared at the city with a sombered and longed to look, he missed the city. Even if he despised the filth among its roots, the swine violating its glory, it is still his "home". A figure from behind then approached him while placing his hand on Hawk's shoulder to get his attention. - Bongyes3yrCommented
not another typo :< Its "As" not "AS". I know how hard it is to spot them, so i hope my notes help
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Hank got transformed into small hank. Make it Hank again :D
Seated on his desk is Jack. He is also in his 40's, but unlike hank, he was neat and sharp. His face is immaculately clean. Each strand of hair is perfectly combed to its place. He wears an expensive black suit with a red tie. His fit and muscular physique complements his composed and mature temperament. - Bongyes3yrCommented
Who is this "I"? i think it should say "It" instead. Damn typos everywhere!
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"Then you have to look harder Amanda" shouldnt that be in quotation?
Then you have to look harder Amanda, Francois snapped. - Bongyes3yrCommented
Close the bracket, or just delete it. I think its general to edit this chapter again, something very weird happened formatting wise here.
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And again with formatting. I wonder what happened?
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hmm the formatting went weird, no need for new paragraph just yet...
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"She is not young but I already middle-aged" Whats with the I? didnt you meant "is"?
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Hm it should me martial arts partitioner not martial are practiitioner. Typos. They sneak up on you.
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Specially? is that a word? Shouldnt it be "Especially"? also "parts of his body". What about them? does his flashbacks focus on his parts of his body?
Back in the hospital, Aiden still has some bandages on some parts of his body. Flashes of last Friday's attack still flashes to his mind. Parts of his body. Specially his back still hurts as he moves or tries to get up from bed. - Bongyes3yrCommented
Ok its either dot or a question mark. Never both. unless you go with "...?" bu thats not the case
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