PuddingLord

Hope to see so, I'll keep this in my library and you just tell me when you are ready and I'll recommend it to everyone

oh, the first and second book both have 93 chaptera, more or less. On patreon I'm currently busy with chapter 46.

For going fast I mean you are skipping a lot of stuff, your making it seem like a summary instead of a story. Slow down and try to spread it out, describe the scenes more, flush out the character, you are writing this as if the reader already knows all the things that you know. What if the reader knows nothing about the fanfics except for DC but wanted to read your book because it seems interesting but are put off because they don't understand. Also the potential thing is basically that there is no point in having him be ben if he is going to skip everything. You are losing so much potential drama, like how if he gets the watch he has to sneak out to protect his family and identity from villains, or how he must juggle skool life. home life, and being a hero. flush out the characters more. I'm not trying to be mean, I am giving you real advice here. Also I know this is a giant paragraph but I'm typing this out on my phone during break. Go back over the chapters that you wrote and plan them out more, I can easily see what you skipped over being a whole story ARC l, maybe 30 chapters alone. Though if he gets the omnitrix later then maybe only 10 or so, don't want the readers to get fed up with the wait.

Ok grammerly has an app for free on the playstore, it is free and all the features you get without getting a pro account is fine.

Your going a but fast here, this is also killing a lot of story potential for future arcs

Think about using grammerly, insert some commas. I feel out of breath just reading this paragraph. But it doesn't seem bad, just have to work on yiur punctuation.

I'll check it after work, I'm actually about to drive now.

True, he would have been a god among men in months if he went to the wall.

The show keeps changing his size, in the Og he was according to lore big enough to knock the moon out of orbit if he wasn't careful. Probably with a beam. but still. and in Omniverse I think he was slighlty bigger than a big tower.

...eh, it's not really incest but remember they don't know Jon's real identity and the starks are bug on honor. Fucking your sister doesn't seem all that honorable. Take the lannister siblings gor example.