yeah i give you my discord link here = https://discord.gg/wna6YGVzXJ here you go we discuss everything here.

THE RAID Day 3 Location= Camp 17-A Time = 1987 Mind = WORKING Mandeep uses his dragunov to spectate the area. While you check the satellite images to form a plan. It's a bad choice to make a plan on the spot, but you have to do it. You: This is the place? Mandeep: Yeah. You: How many guards? Mandeep: Ah! Security is pretty tight. You: So our best option is to cause a distraction and get access to the underground facility from there we can find the prisoner holding area. I got information from my spies that the prisoners will be transferred to another camp soon. So we must strike now. Mandeep: Let's raise some hell. Mandeep uses his satellite phone to call someone. Mandeep: Comrade Stiner, We need some assistance. Camp 17-A. You: Mandeep, What did you do? Mandeep: Called my Friend. You: What is going to happen? Mandeep: Just wait and watch. You hear a buzzing sound as you look up you see a plane flying over your head, and then you see explosions in the camp. You: Wait there were kids inside the camp. Mandeep: Well they are dead now. You: This can be counted as war crime. Mandeep: Everything we do is a war crime. Alright enough chat I provide you covering fire. Clear the area and signal me. Mandeep lies on the ground in position. The camp goes full alert. You quickly run and press your back against the corner. You look up and see an enormous wall. Patrol of guard start to preform sweep. You slowly walk toward the main gate. You see a group of soldiers coming in your direction. Mandeep: Steady, Steady. Boom The shot kills two guards in one hit and you shoot one with your pistal and then stab the other in his neck. You: Area Clear. Mandeep: Oh shit. You: What happened? Mandeep: RUN QUICK. TANK INCOMI- You hear explosion at Mandeep's location. The radio goes silent. You: FUCK. You quickly run toward the tanks. From inside the tank a guard comes and mounts on the machine gun. He start unloading his machine gun at you. You run and hide behind the corner. You hear the tank moving and so you quickly run in opposite direction. So this is as much i was able to right cause i already wrote 1 chapter before this to make this playas they are. so tell me what i should change to make it more authentic. Also this sotry takes place in 1987. So the camps exist for a long time. This won't ruin the lore of your novel and we wouldn't have any problems related to the protagonist of your novel because he does not exist yet. Also tell me a little more about the camp in detail and what kinds of security it has.

So I read up to chapter 6 and the story is good. It has the same speed as my own novel. Overall It's great, just a little more polishing is required nothing too big. The characters are likable I had few questions about the motivations of a certain character, so I wrote a comment for that. I think you will do great just don't give up on writing like others. I support your novel and added it to my collection. So keep up the good work.

Did somebody say revolution?

are they using their power to break the rules of physics?

Maybe you should use the word takes out or picks up a bazooka.

I think you made a mistake here you wrote "The captain had removed his pistol and shot the old shopkeeper" you should write that "The caption takes out his gun from the holster and shoots the old shopkeeper."

oof spoke too soon.

Get that caption out of here. He didn't even know how to interrogate someone.

DMCA INCOMING BETTER SAFE THEN SORRY.

AK-47 Now that's a name I haven't heard since yesterday.

Wait he is going to take a stranger to his home? What kind of Jedi mind trick did Demizu used?

Hmm, Nothing big happened yet or maybe this is calm before the storm.

These kids are the biggest danger to the free world.

Help who?

I hate these kinds of girls who can't mind their own business.

You should rate your novel a 5-star if people see your review some may think that the writer is cool but most be like this writer has low confidence in his own novel.

actually there is a reason the first chapter are in first person and then other are in second person. It's plot related stuff.

I have another question. What is the year in which the camp exist? cause that can cause problems.

Alright so the plan is simple. I will read all your novel and then form a chapter on basis of that. All you have to do is give me permission to do so. Because my character and the protagonist of my novel gets revived into a different universe each time they die so I can do all the work and post the chapter in my novel. I will give you credit and put your novel's link. is that a good offer?