This is pretty good, keep up the good work. Just try not to do long monologues too much and don’t call the masters Jedi knights, other than that everything seems ok.

Only read if you’re bored, I read up to ch.12. Mc starts off stranded on an island at age 9, eats a zoan devil fruit (ghidorah version), and somehow easily awakens all 3 aspects of haki and also awakens his fruit before he’s 15. Whitebeard and Big Mom land on his island and they instantly fight after tiny dialogue, meets Xebec and gets roped into joining the crew. Also the mc doesn’t remember his name just because, (No explanation for that) and then Xebec gives him a name. Word count is too low per chapter, grammar is barely average, paragraphs are thick blocks of text. Author doesn’t differentiate between talking and thinking, characters are super bland, every interaction between people is so basic it hurts to read. Ex: (Whitebeard looks at me funny. “Let’s fight gurarara” laughing just because.) There is so little context and the mc just looks dumb trying to fight whitebeard, big mom, sengoku, etc at the beginning chapters.

Don’t forget he only has like a month left to live, he’s still human with those powerful sacred gears. The only way I see him living from this point on, is turning himself with the blood of a supernatural.

Grammar seems alright for a translation fic, character is too op, you literally wrote yourself into a corner with that nonsense. He has literally all the power in the world, multiverse level, and yet he’s ALMOST following the canon path. He saves Kota’s parents, helps out midoriya by making him smarter, which is fine, but what is the point when you are essentially a god? From the beginning you could’ve already destroyed the villains yourself and changed everything the way you wanted. You talk about changing society’s way but do nothing about it, also your character for some reason likes to act indifferent and edgy to the other characters for no reason, and then you have him killing the villains that pop up at his house. Then you make a clone to portray the role of a villain with no explanation, there’s so many plot holes stacked up on top of each other, it blows my mind. There are villains that have apparently attacked mc several times and they all die, but you have him nerf himself in the fight with muscular for what???? TLDR: Annoyingly OP, still mostly follows canon when the character can literally one shot everything from the beginning. No context in regards to the story progression and ZERO character development, also babysits midoriya for some reason? Nothing makes sense when your character is a multiverse level threat, so anything you write is already obsolete.

Nah it’s webnovel, 90% of these fics are usually abysmally average, if not outright terrible. I like to read for fun in my past time, but I also don’t like wasting it on substandard stories. Here’s some great authors for ex: Nimthewriter, Eyredragneel, Ghost_84, Eren_fraser, Zanarkand_kido, Teemvizzle, Lordofcactus, Themadlad

I appreciate the sacrifice my guy 🫡

This is actually decent, but the one thing this fic is lacking is substance, it needs more actual writing instead of the whole ‘this is what happened during this time’, it seems more like a diary than actual story progression. Once you get that part down then it’ll start being good, so less of mc monologues and more telling through actions and dialogue. Keep it up 👍🏽

Read to Ch.12. Seems like a half-crack fic, grammar is barely decent. Lots of plot holes, story is just everywhere, communication between characters is very underwhelming, it’s like reading a statement from robots. There’s no depth to this fic, but if you’re a casual reader I guess it’s fine for you.

Mc has zero personality, even with “essences” author can’t explain very well what the difference is between a robot and what the ability entails. Mc has no description, no ambition of any sorts, grammar is okay. Author will randomly have people interact with mc with no explanation and then just ignore them as if they disappeared, unless it’s convenient to the plot. World building is lacking, author only gives short descriptions of the places mc is at, it’s like you’re just skipping scenes to get it over with. Overall is just meh, underwhelming, only recommend for casual readers that wouldn’t care about these things.

You smoking that reggy boy, this fic is like a 5/10 lmao

The op literally said he enjoys genres like this if it’s done well and isn’t bland, learn how to read dumbass

Needs a lot of work. Grammar is barely acceptable, author says no system but gives his character wishes, story is confusing because it’s written like bland statements every sentence, and author doesn’t try to explain anything, things just happen and then mc moves on to the next thing. All characters are just bland npcs, robots

It feels like the author tried to make the chapters longer just by repeating words in a different way. This story is supposed to be about the mc, but instead it’s an info dump about the GOT world progressing through the years with tiny changes. All of this is just written in past tense with only small flashes of first person pov, this story has no substance. Grammatically, author is only decent with mistakes here and there. So basically, you’re writing statements of what happened and not actually telling a story.

You got a good thing going with this fic, I hope you can continue on with this story.

Use quotations for thinking man, you doing too much. Ex: Chion deadpanned. ‘This female is crazy.’

Don’t do the ((“words”)) as him thinking, just do it like this, ‘words’. Very simple and basic writing tool to differentiate from the quotations —> “words” Ex: “I’m a snow guy.” He replied. Ex 2: Stopping at a tree, he was dead tired. ‘Gotta run away fast!’

This is starting decently well, you just gotta stop the monologues and explaining why your mc did this and that. If your mc is talking to himself out loud, just use quotations so he’s thinking in his head instead cause that just sounds dumb. Also actions speak louder than words, you don’t want to write a book that just narrates everything the mc does either, like how you were explaining the process of why the mc was able to beat the bull. Overall though, you’re on your way, keep up the good work

What’s with this forced plot? First you make MC unaware of what venom is but he knows marvel and symbiotes, leaves at age 10 for some reason to start killing and making money bla bla bla life foundation, get a new id but you don’t specify what age or how he looks like, and now black fox knows his real name? Everything else is pretty good, but you gotta work on explaining things better and CLEARLY, and developing better plot points without it sounding dumb and coincidental. TLDR: This story has potential, 7/10.

Bro you the author literally just wrote that eddy knew about marvel and symbiotes, so why are we doing this ‘who and what are you’ bs talk to venom?

Does anyone know if it gets better after ch.2? My god it’s so edgy, with no explanation of the mc’s story and why he’s like this, he’s supposed to be transmigrated too right? So explain this shit author, jesus man.