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burndabus

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2020-05-02 JoinedGlobal
23.9h

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  • burndabus7 months ago
    Commented

    ahhh, if you are not saved, then you will die... I didn't know that. lol [img=recommend]

  • burndabusa year ago
    Posted

    vary nice, it's not perfectly paced but it get a nice combination of edgy and interesting

  • burndabusa year ago
    Commented

    So, I'm very confused on the power system here. We have physical power, then magic, and Gods Brandins and essence or ability to control people and what not. I don't understand if its powers related or magic related or what. I think you should dive deeper into explaining all of the strength. What contributes to someone's magic/sorcery? What are the limitations on magic? Is magic based on mana/essence? how is that recovered? how long does it take? I think there's to many power systems happening at once. Most of the time a novel focus on one type then adds to it. Like how Shadow Slave started with just basic abilities, then added weaving and runes and sorcery on top of it. Don't necessarily change anything specific but I think its expanding too fast for me to really understand exactly what's happening. I know it's kind of confusing, the best way I can put it is that the image in my head replicating the situation in the novel is just all gray and blurry. I think you should grow out in one direction, then once that's more solidified add more to it. It's not really an info dump it's just too uncertain.

    This book has been deleted.
  • burndabusa year ago
    Commented

    Don't get discouraged from the lack of comments. A lot of people just read a chapter or two and move on. Unfortunately until a novel really gains some traction they usually sit around 1-5 comments a chapter. Keep at it, as long as its quality you will see results!

    This book has been deleted.
  • burndabusa year ago
    Commented

    But what does Dior get out of him becoming a diver? Are they going to recognize Titus as there enemy? Find out next time on 'Dragon bal...' wait not... uhhh wait a minute where's the script.... uhhhh... oh here is is... Find out next time on 'Busted'!

    This book has been deleted.
  • burndabusa year ago
    Commented

    Found it a little confusing to switch the "who's talking." from Alphie to Zara. Not that it's too much but I thought there were two people for a second. I think that there is a lack of pre-introduction to characters. Lot of them feel like they just get slapped in the story. I think you should have more prelude to these characters. Like someone talking to command in Zaras case or idle mention of "boss killed that guy yesterday because he didn't re-arm the mech" before they die. Something to give us a new MAIN threat. Although the Diver leaders and Inquisitors kind of have that vibe it's too uncertain if they are a threat or not.

    This book has been deleted.
  • burndabusa year ago
    Commented

    1 x 2^(96) is like 8 followed with 28 zeros, would wouldn't have the strength of thousands. Even if 100 8 year old make the strength of one man you would have the more than the combined strength of every animal on earth. In summary he doesn't have a thousands of men's strength, he has more than quadrillions!!

    This book has been deleted.
  • burndabusa year ago
    Replied to Noman_Amin

    3 stars?

  • burndabusa year ago
    Replied to qwertyuiop65433

    why 3 stars?

  • burndabusa year ago
    Replied to Guiltythree

    NiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNiceNice