Princeboi
Writing
of reading
13
Read books
it was going well but I think some descriptions are bland. like if you attach a style so eccentric to things that are so obvious like kitchen, bathroom, or shit. personal skills should also have that type of style
haha, I can see the fourth wall breaking . But it also might seem pretentious and rather a sneak move
first part of this para makes all the attention you gathered get away just in seconds. Maybe you could change some lines and words.
The northeast corner makes it sound like the room is some world. But it's still working with your eccentric style of description
bedroom line can be simplified. it is too long just meaning "cramped bedroom"
white seems bland? did you mean pale?
"Storey". story galat hogaya.
clearly, here is unnecessary. Maybe you can just remove it.
I understand the style but at the same time, it's so ambiguous and unclear that it makes me not read it. Maybe, it's because you are trying too hard either to sound funny or to showcase something that just doesn't work.
nice. last 2 para actually better than first one which have more fancy writing with tons of metaphors.
haan bad me dekh har samaj agya. it fit pretty well but vo work isliye kiya kyunki context. but repeat karega everytime to bullshit lagega
the reason behind this feeling, use ke bad stop hai to it makes it feel like you ended the sentence? agla sentence conveys the feeling right? so fuse them or just like make them seem like they are connected and that will make it more strong.
ye bhi acha para hai. well done in making reader believe that the description has m meaning and are not put just to sound intelligent. just line funny try kiya? mtlab too abrupt end but not that bad but I don't what's "properly waking up". That seems needless.
karima gave me ke bad full stop is better. comma splice hai
tbh, this is a good para. probably one of best if I look from one perspective. since it sort of makes it humorous and stuff .so nice
details are fun. I like you are being descriptive but ask any reader or just ask you'relf itna detail just for waking up? finish in max one line or 2
if I was a new reader, this para would give me confusion and bore. tune first 2 lines clear kardiya he hate alarms and waking up but you just overstating it when it's not needed.
ab tune eternal use karliya? Ek normal banda talking about how he hates waking up and then talk about eternal slumber? It's better to use simpler and more household words for such times.
third line me abrupt stop hai. once you use to stop it ends there, either use semi colon or comma or use :, -