Wet_jellyfish

Concept is fresh. Title is catchy. It's first person, so feelings come out greatly. Though world background can have some work but since it's only chapters, I can understand it being more detailed later on. Otherwise, looks adventurous and fun.

it was going well but I think some descriptions are bland. like if you attach a style so eccentric to things that are so obvious like kitchen, bathroom, or shit. personal skills should also have that type of style

haha, I can see the fourth wall breaking . But it also might seem pretentious and rather a sneak move

first part of this para makes all the attention you gathered get away just in seconds. Maybe you could change some lines and words.

The northeast corner makes it sound like the room is some world. But it's still working with your eccentric style of description

bedroom line can be simplified. it is too long just meaning "cramped bedroom"

white seems bland? did you mean pale?

"Storey". story galat hogaya.

clearly, here is unnecessary. Maybe you can just remove it.

I understand the style but at the same time, it's so ambiguous and unclear that it makes me not read it. Maybe, it's because you are trying too hard either to sound funny or to showcase something that just doesn't work.