KearDarkfire
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KearDarkfire1yrCommentedNot too sure why a lawyer is here. not like know if they even need to be or whatever. I just thought it would be a good idea
"Saranie, this is Daranse your lawyer." Wraimes gestured to a tall woman in a suit if she could call it that. Fine quality as everything is. Blue aesthetic with the skirt matching the light jacket. A white shirt underneath to bring out the attire. Her high heels made Saranie nervous for her. Short black hair down to her neck. Pretty even with the makeup. "This here-"- KearDarkfire1yrCommented
just noticed it was supposed to be the day after tomorrow and not the next day they would arrive
Tomorrow a lawyer sent by Erythann would arrive, another doctor like Wraimes and himself would be there. Jahvee's brother would be there the next day in a hearing. Because of these events and the seriousness of it, it has been pushed up and is going to be happening really fast. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Devil's advocate here. Instead of indulging in there fantasy (we know what the truth is (or do we :p )), he is deflecting and putting some focus on the confusion she must feel. the changes she sees.
"Then this must be really confusing for you. Knowing that you can feel in that body, that it moves because you say so, but it isn't you. Not really. It feels wrong and you want it to change." - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
See in any other story, if she would info dump in universe, there would be some bad guy that would hear this immediately through some back story section and the plot.
"It didn't last. Nothing ever does. We received an order from the lord. Weapons. A lot of weapons. It wasn't long after that the war started. All kingdoms are going to war with each other. Children ten and up drafted. Friends came with me while the little ones stayed behind." Saranie couldn't keep talking at this point. Her breathing was shallow from the pain that was coming up and her exercise. "They trained us. Taught us magical warfare, trained us with weapons and hand to hand combat, how to keep a wound stable for healers to arrive. It was drilled into us and we became the weapons. Fighting meaningless battles for six whole years. The whole reason it was meaningless was because The Cult of The Void. An old horror story you tell to younger kids so they listen to you. They were behind everything. Manipulated and controlled everyone. Creating death all across the world just so they could open their portal. Bring in their Gods to destroy everything. I killed them. I stopped anyone or anything from coming through the portal. I know I did. Then I ended up here. In this body. Like my own, but I had blue eyes, not brown. It's weird you know." Talking about the cultists was more of an exercise than she would have guessed. Took a lot out of her. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Actually no, it shouldn't be that. He wouldn't believe her story that she is from another world. Self learned would be incorrect.
"You got an education?" - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Other than some minor way things were worded, I like what I did there. Also from their perspective Saranie would be disassociating from reality. In her own (logic) from their perspective.
"My life? I watched everyone who had been with me die over six years in the war. I fought until the end. I stopped the war. You don't know my life, but ended at the same time I closed that portal. Of course I wish I could go back home to the orphanage. I really do, but this is my reality at the moment. My reality includes me being in the body of a woman who couldn't take the hardships life came with. I know full well that I thought about taking my own life. Thinking how easy it would be to get out of that dreadful war. Thinking if I was ever caught that it would be best to end it before they could do anything to me. I know what it was like, but I never did it. I was still there and I fought with everything I had. That was my life and this is Jahvee's. This is her world, her body. She should have it back. It is her right." - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Saranie moved super duper fast to flee. But how did she not flee faster than this kind of information. You could say magic, probably right in this case. But there is no way it could be by horse.
"I remember now. She's one of those cultists that killed those two military officials. Do you…" Petarian was cut off by his wife. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I think so Past Me
She took off her mask making a very silly face and had Nehmet laugh because she was able to see a little kid laugh and it was cute. Even if that kid was herself. She should stop herself. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I cant remember how old he is. I can't remember how many times I changes his age throughout this story. But having some kid, lose out his early years of his future dedicating himself to his brother and family is a painful thing. Something both him and his parents know he shouldn't have to make.
"I do want to make friends, but I can wait. You two already talked about it. If that is for the best, I'm okay with it. It also gives me time to be the best big brother in the world." - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Same, I forgot about that too. I think I was trying to add traits my characters early on. Something to spice up the characters. This might have been a throw away line. However I do think that when writing these stories, I was actually able to develop these MCs better than what I originally wanted
Aidelan was playing with Nehmet off to the side. Letting the adults talk. A part of Saranie wanted to jump back in her unit and get back in the war and the other part of her wanted to grin until her face stretched to its limits. Being a single person, but having two bodies was strange and telling them to see their reactions just as a random comment made her prankster-self come back. Family. The other part of it was as a soldier she followed orders. She didn't make any plans. Sure her goal to return to the orphanage was still there, but after coming to the conclusion her family was with these people right now, that would need to wait. So making plans to help them wasn't her strong suit and gave her a bit of anxiety. The same thing would have happened if she went back home either way. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
... Alright. Now I do believe other should have known about that final battle. But not random villages far away. It was a fight as there was a time limit, the fighters of the surrounding area night know and merchants could hear it, but it probably would have been more secret than that.
Eryll followed suit before laying back down to sleep. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I tried to imply that Nehemt was breast fed in the earlier chapter, but now I think it is okay for a 1 month child to eat berries?
"Nehmet and Aidelan need food. We need to search for something." Eryll was trying her best to not worry. To not break down like her son had last night. Nehmet could easily see it in her after looking back and forth from Aidelan and Nehmet. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
OMG
Saranie escaped the city. It was night time now. After waving off her family, she used the rest of the haste in her to find a horse. Luckily there was one that was about to be eaten. She saved it and it didn't run away from her. Once they were safe, it kicked her off and ran away. Possibly too scared. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Actually I don't think she ever rested. She used spells to push her body and the horse further than they should have. The timing is a mess, but there is no way she should have been able to both fight and follow them at all.
Saranie saw her family was still winding through the streets. She was cutting through buildings, monsters and anyone who tried to slower her down. By following their direction, she would be able to catch up to them. She was looking through Nehmet's eyes for any horses running around. It would help, but not yet. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
And from my earlier comment about tropes, here is a less common event. A (not really) Mc took the less moral path and will (should have) suffered the consequences of those actions. Don't get me wrong, it happens. I'm just saying that while she is protecting her kids as a reason, it might not be enough down the road for her and she might regret it. A good moment as an author, if it was written wayyyyyyy better.
She pushed people onto the floor. Running for her life and protecting her children. She pushed a man towards a monster instead of helping. It was a horrible moment and one she might regret, but her children were safe so far. Saranie felt bad for that man who was torn to shreds by the dark wolf because of her, but didn't care right now as this whole thing was a mess. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I have this thing for common tropes in stories. Like for example Chinese cultivation you have this one stuck-up character who bullies Mc, before Mc stomps on them hard. It's cool and all, don't get me wrong, but after the 5th time it gets stale. Even worse when it happens more than once in the same story. So I always tried to avoid tropes and see if I could get something new and work with it. After all they are all good things. Tropes are good because they became tropes in the first place.
Either he didn't want to ask or clearly not the right time, he didn't question how she knew his name or about his family. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Yeah, I know. When writing these stories, without a time skip, I would end up pushing certain feelings and plots forward more than they should ever be. Sure I could be trying to show a disconnect from Nehmet to Saranie with feelings and emotions taking over and clouding her mind even though they are the same person. Ah you know what? Past Me made mistakes, I will make more in the future and yeah, cool cool.
A strange feeling for knowing the younger boy, nine or ten years old, for close to half a day. It worried her as she was not Nehmet, but at the same time she enjoyed being a part of a family. Sure her brothers and sisters at the orphanage were her true family, but this was different. Less chaotic and something she could only imagine. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
Indeed. Although you could argue (wow I'm using this saying a lot) that they had experience specialized in healing magic to use something higher level. Also to note Saranie was taught magic as just a random no name soldier. So even if that was the case, magic was prevalent enough that commoners Luke her would be able to use it. Plus she was in the war and information was going around like crazy to be better and a step ahead of the enemy.
The parents of Nehmet, not hers, were talking off to the side. The younger boy, Nehmet's brother, Aidelan, watched over her baby form. After the nightmare, they had been worried and casted healing spells. One of them was a higher level spell that calmed the target. She had seen medics do it all the time to those that were injured or dying to help them. Something she was not capable of. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I think when writing this story I went back and forth from them being teenagers close to 16 and something like 10-12 year Olds. That is a failed disconnect within the story.
At the mention of parents, the rest of the group lost their vigor. Even the boy talking stopped after that. Saranie kind of guessed what they were talking about and went over to them. - KearDarkfire1yrCommented
I pray to the 8 divine that my soul can one day be cured from 'that...'
'Wazzette.' That was her name.