It's clear that there is so much passion in the author's work and I find the writing style is really unique for Webnovel. The guide at the start is interesting and shows how much thought is going into this piece. The characters introduced also feel interesting and unique.

I don't understand how novels like this get so much attention when they are objectively garbage. Yes, I said it: objectively. The quality of prose reads like a 15 year old has picked up their pen for the first time and decided to jot down whatever came to mind. There's no flair, no personality, and no fun to what's being put down. The world building seemed... Okay ? I didn't get far into it due to the abysmal quality of writing, but it seemed they had an idea when creating their story. Overall, this is a HARD pass.

Can't be helped o.o

Thank you for all your support! Your readership is treasured to me :)

Odd but still not showing up :(

Thanks, heh. Did my best!

[Before] is from the time before the MC reincarnated. You can actually go back and read all the [Before] sections and they'll be a separate story that makes sense on their own :) The number next to it is his age.

In this case life 'flashing' refers to the term 'flashing before your eyes' which is a commonly described phenomenon when someone is about to die. The MC is saying that the supposed 'flash' wasn't a flash at all, and actually happened over the course of a couple of weeks, and because life was going so fast he never even noticed it happening.

Perhaps the emotion of Chapter One didn't come across correctly, but in this case, it is 'wonder' as in 'awe' as opposed to 'shock' or 'curiosity'.

Though stories are subjective to enjoyment, I've got a lot of experience writing for businesses so I can certainly give advice on structure, and grammar. Though, one thing you can't get enough of is bouncing ideas. So, we can always help each other by providing a different perspective on something ^.^

You don't need to steal! Just message me if you ever need and I can run you through whatever :)

You'll find it in most novels! :) in fact, I'd be really surprised if you didn't. Emily Bronte comes to mind but I'm pretty sure every author I've read does it ^. ^ Unless I'm confusing what you're asking

The whole purpose behind those variations is to do just that: add variation. It makes the dialogue more interesting that way.

Thanks for that! I love the detail you have gone into here for me. I really appreciate it. Hey, I'm excited now! I get to chat to someone about grammar xD - yes, the dialogue is correct in that respect. Let me show you some variations: 1. "Don't run in the hallway," Mike said. (Active voice, dialogue tag) 2. Mike glared at the kids running in the hallway and said this: "Don't run in the hallway!" (Passive voice, colon used - bad example but all I could think of on the fly) 3. Mike glared at the kids running in the hallway and said, "Don't run in the hallway!" (Active voice, dialogue tag with comma) 4. "Don't run in the hallway," Mike said. As they rounded the corner, he shook his head. "Kids these days." (Initial piece of dialogue is tagged with Mike. New sentence, same subject, second piece of dialogue is clearly still Mike talking. No comma, because it's implied ownership, rather than a direct tag) 5. "Don't run in the hallway," Mike said, "you'll hurt yourself!" (Mike is directly saying both of these things and no separate action is happening, he is tagged in both sections of dialogue). I hope that helps!

me three

Some people find it hard to move on. Some don't want to move on at all.

This one really surprised me. It grabbed me and pulled me in more than any "isekai"-type stoy has in such a long time. The character interactions are just top-notch. All-in-all, the author has done a wonderful job - I see they're also quite young so... They may be - what I'd consider - talented. So, here goes: The Great: How surprised was I to find a story on Webnovel with some competent flow. The descriptions are not only lovingly crafted, but done with an expert eye for detail. It's nice to see. And, best of all? They're trimmed neatly and not at all cumbersome. The characters, also. Wow. The dialogue in particular is pleasant, bringing a smile to my face as I read it. There's a buoyant sense of joy to every scene with Ater and Otto in it. Needs Consideration: Ensure that the video-game world is balanced and follows the rules that you set out. I can see this breaking to the point the power-scaling becomes broken if the MC isn't a) kept in check, and b) doesn't follow the established rules of the world. Needs Immediate Action: Paragraph structure. Lord Sputnik also pointed this out. It can break the flow of reading and force a reader to double-back when paragraph structure is out of whack. Dialogue sometimes takes place halfway through a paragraph and that's really no good. Also, Otto's dialogue comes across... Younger than he's portrayed? Idk. I just had a weird feeling he was older. Oh well. Great work!

The relationship between Otto and Ater is addictive.

Oh, a more traditional transformation. I dig it.

That was an extremely interesting opening chapter. I mean, color me surprised, but for a website like Webnovel where everything remains fairly the same, it's super interesting.