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Mus69

Mus69

Lv4

Just a avid reader

2018-03-14 JoinedUnited Kingdom
290.6h

of reading

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73
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    idk if its just me but in the first sentence you used the same phrase twice and it just sounds awkward. An example of a better alternative is: "Thank you" Theo mumbled (or expressed) to the cashier...

    "Thank you." Theo thanked the cashier as he took the case from the table. The line behind him was quite large. Most of these people would leave disappointed, though. The store just didn't have the necessary number of copies.
    altalt
    Throne of The Abyss
    Video Games · Alphapanda
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Replied to Malgnad1614

    Tis but a scratch.

    "I'm perfectly fine now aren't I?"
    altalt
    Chrysalis
    Fantasy · RinoZ
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    the cave have -> the cave gave

    This paragraph has been deleted.
    altalt
    EVOLUTION: CONQUEROR
    Fantasy · Daoist_Xuyi
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    These flags make the story a bit too predictable at timed

    This would be the first game he would play with his Valorwatch team, so Noah was a little anxious. Even more after Carlos said he would broadcast their matches live so they could watch the recording later without having to transfer files to each other. Carlos's account was new to the live stream site, so they knew that no one would be watching his broadcast, which was good news, since no one wanted to be overly pressured, and they would probably be mocked for playing badly at some point.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    The dialogue and interactions in this book alway flows quite well, great work author.

    Ch 371 Teacher
    altalt
    Demon's Virtue
    Fantasy · DiceVR
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    The author wrote that the spatial perception only allows him to see a few centimeters around him in chapter 87.

    Not being limited by ambient light, this ability was essential in a dark place like this. It allowed him to be able to see as if the light was on in a dome a few meters around him.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    I like hell trap tho, honestly Noah's naming sense isn't that bad.

    Ch 84 84 - Mufag
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    I think the name is good, it's practical.

    'I think I can call this [Hell Trap]... My sense of naming is terrible; I need to think of something better...' Noah thought, dissatisfied with the name but satisfied with the result as he watched the monsters rolling in pain on the ground.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    disappear>disappoint

    But this didn't disappear Noah at all, who urgently needed monsters to kill and earn exp to level up. He was only hoping internally that these monsters they encountered were not going to somehow crowd one of the coaches, which would make the invasion of this Fortress much more problematic since they would not be able to deal with the monsters gradually.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Replied to SmilingPerson

    For example using description to show how a character is feeling (maybe facial expressions or body language) which lets the reader use their own imagination to draw conclusions rather than telling us James thoughts directly. I'm not a author nor an expert at writing stories so the author can ignore about whatever I'm saying or reflect on it. Its up to them in the end.

    Ch 73 73 - Synergy
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    Feedback to author: I think you need to work on showing rather than telling the story bc to me some of it comes across as you informing us of what's happening rather than allowing us (the reader) to experience the world and characters your creating from your words if that makes any sense. Also I'm not trashing the story at all. I do enjoy it but would like to see you improve as a writer so that I can enjoy it more

    Ch 73 73 - Synergy
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Replied to Daoistu5pQGe

    Okay that makes sense. A nice coincidence that he got 2 free contracts then.

    The bird was not aggressive to Noah, but when other humans got closer to where he was, Noah noticed that he was slightly more agitated than normal. It was probably that his monster instincts were causing him to get angry and want to kill the humans, which further underscored the urgency Noah felt in making a contract with Terrence, but he didn't want to use a pet store contract now that he knew he would have an ability in the future to sign contracts only limited by his imagination. Noah had certainly preferred to use a contract he wrote so as not to come across having signed a contract with absurd and malicious intentions. He just hoped that this ability to write contracts would come soon, since Noah knew how useful and powerful that skill would be to him.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    wait didn't he make a contract for maggy? what's stopping him from making another contract in this case?

    The bird was not aggressive to Noah, but when other humans got closer to where he was, Noah noticed that he was slightly more agitated than normal. It was probably that his monster instincts were causing him to get angry and want to kill the humans, which further underscored the urgency Noah felt in making a contract with Terrence, but he didn't want to use a pet store contract now that he knew he would have an ability in the future to sign contracts only limited by his imagination. Noah had certainly preferred to use a contract he wrote so as not to come across having signed a contract with absurd and malicious intentions. He just hoped that this ability to write contracts would come soon, since Noah knew how useful and powerful that skill would be to him.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    In stories like these, being human is overrated.

    Ch 69 69 - Egg
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    YAY!

    Ch 91 Chapter 90: Fail...
    altalt
    EVOLUTION: CONQUEROR
    Fantasy · Daoist_Xuyi
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    Is it because they don't know you can create new skills? or is it because they're lazy? And if its because they're lazy, then they're sabotaging their own chances of surviving and being stupid.

    This surprised Noah. The higher the level of the Blessing, the more likely the Blessing the person received would be more useful, as well as being easier to train and develop new skills in addition to those that already came with the Blessing. However, most of the Blessed did not do this, just accepting the ability that came with the Blessing and using that as their only strength.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Replied to Daoist_Xuyi

    Thanks for answering. I enjoy your story, keep up the good work :)

    Ch 90 Chapter 89: Explosive Entrance
    altalt
    EVOLUTION: CONQUEROR
    Fantasy · Daoist_Xuyi
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    Could someone explain what aether is and why is it important to the mc and other characters? I thought that torug wanted to avoid clashing with davis? Also great chapter author, It would be great if you could explain how torug appeared in the city next chapter.

    Ch 90 Chapter 89: Explosive Entrance
    altalt
    EVOLUTION: CONQUEROR
    Fantasy · Daoist_Xuyi
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    Maggy is very perceptive for a 6yo, most kids are dumb as hell.

    'If he can't see for himself that he needs happiness in his life, I will do it for him. I will help him to get happiness back,' Maggy thought with conviction as she was hugged by Noah, and in order to do what she envisioned, Maggy already had an idea of ​​what to do.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail
  • Mus69
    Mus691yr
    Commented

    Every pet is chilling in some corner of hell.

    Wanting to test how it worked, Maggy thought about sending the mouse to another dimension. A portal made of flames appeared above the mouse and in a fraction of a second it enveloped the mouse before disappearing, leaving only a faint smell of sulfur which Maggy knew was natural from her videos.
    altalt
    Lucifer's Descendant System
    Fantasy · Zhanye
    detail