blurb:

Cerita baru karya Hayusya

Blurb:

"Aku memiliki teman sekelas yang setiap hari selalu sendirian dan tidak pernah memiliki ekspresi, selalu saja mengungkapkan ekpresi melalui gambar yang dia buat"

ini adalah kisahku dengan Hiroki yang selalu tampil tanpa ekspresi

Cerita baru karya Hayusya

Blurb:

 "Aku memiliki teman sekelas yang setiap hari selalu sendirian dan tidak pernah memiliki ekspresi, selalu saja mengungkapkan ekpresi melalui gambar yang dia buat"

 ini adalah kisahku dengan Hiroki yang selalu tampil tanpa ekspresi

A meme-y blurb that might become a thing later.

Cover: On the cover, you can see a girl on a swing and the background is blue. It is an animated cover with the title of the book and the name of the author on it. It is a short and sweet title that conveys the message of your book- that it is a collection of short original stories written by you. It gives me dreamy, fairytale vibes but not all of your stories fall under that category. I think that if you make a collection of tales, then the cover should be suitable for most of the tales, if not all.
Chapter 1: Christmas Rollercoaster
Title: Reading the title the audience can immediately get an idea about the theme of the book. I predicted the book to be about a Christmas filled with emotional rollercoasters. Technically, I wasn't wrong because Nate has gone through emotional rollercoasters due to his medical condition but at the same time, I was not expecting what I read.
Blurb: In the blurb of this chapter, you included a short excerpt from 
Plot: This is a short story and the plot is fictional. It mostly follows Nate and doesn't show much about his wife and daughter. I would have liked to read a little more about them. I was a little confused when the first transition from real-life to alternative life happened. The beginning was a bit confusing but it all made sense in the end. I like how the real Nate understands the value of family over money at the end of the story.
Theme: The theme of the book is Christmas, regret, grieve, family, and priorities.
Grammar and Writing Style There were absolutely no grammatical errors that I could find. Your writing style is quite captivating indeed. If you would like to experiment in your writings further, I could suggest using some more jargon words and descriptive words in your story.

Chapter 2: Shining Through His broken Pieces
Title: I figured that it was about a guy whose heart had been broken but the title doesn't give away the plot completely, which is great. It gives a tiny glimpse of the theme of the book but not what the reader would be expecting.
Blurb: The blurb doesn't tell you enough about the story, I think. It has a few sentences from the story but I believe that you should add some more mystery to the blurb and maybe give an abstract introduction to the main character. Leave some room for the imagination of the reader.
Plot: The chapter follows a young man and his story about meeting a girl who breaks down his walls. I think that most of the beauty of your plot was because of your choice to make it character-driven rather than plot-driven. It followed the young man and his emotional journey rather than the events of the story which was a great choice. I would have liked to read more about his childhood and his home. That would have given the reader a better idea about the trauma that he has been through, allowing them to be more connected with the character. I think that it is important for a reader to feel connected with the characters for them to fully enjoy the book. I think a little more detail about the girl would have also been a great addition to the value of the chapter overall. 
Theme: The theme of this book is trauma, first-love, emotions, and identity crisis.
Grammar and Writing Style: Just like your previous chapter, I did not find any grammatical errors, but when I tell you that I loved your writing style in this chapter, it is an understatement. The way you described his emotions and his thoughts, is so beautiful and engaging. I couldn't stop reading and how I wish it was a full novel instead of a short story. I also liked how the characters were anonymous like their names had not been mentioned even once. 

Note: This was my opinion on your work and the aim of his review was to provide constructive feedback. Please remember that it is just the opinion of one person and these statements are not facts. I know that the word count does not match the promised word count but the reason for that is that I usually review books on Wattpad. The books are usually novels or the starting of novels. I can talk more about the character development, the originality of the plot, and other points in those reviews but since this is a collection of short stories, there isn't much to talk about them individually. If you want me to further clarify any of my statements, please feel free to DM me on Fiverr. I hope that my review was helpful and satisfactory.

The Beach Awards 2018
Reviewed by, MissMaven
Publisher: Wattpad

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: 8/10
Cover: 4/5
Originality: 5/5
Character Development: 10/10
Plot Development: 8/10
Description: 3/5
Enjoyment: 5/5
Total: 43/50

Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: "There were a few punctuation mistakes, but this story honestly can't be confined by normal punctuation since it's a story told poetically. Overall, I always knew what the author was saying and nothing stood out as greatly flawed."

Cover: "The cover is delicate and beautiful just like the story, so I felt like it was perfect. The title is a little off but not completely inaccurate, so I just took off one point."

Originality: "This story was absolutely original. As soon as I started it, I didn't put it down until I was finished with the entire thing. Not only is the format original, the plot is too. Also, the blurb for this story was 100% accurate."

Character Development: "You watch this main character undergo a complete transformation in this book in as few words as possible. It's fantastic. The development is both physical and mental, and it's very beautifully done."

Plot Development: "This story's plot is unique in that several parts are meant to be assumed and not explained. There was obviously plot progression that aided the story, but it was not exactly obvious. This was on purpose, but I did dock a few points because it could be seen as confusing for some. I personally had to ask the author some questions at the end to clarify."

Blurb/Description: "It's 100% accurate to the story and really prepared me for what I was about to read."

Enjoyment: "I loved reading this book. Every chapter was pure enjoyment, and I highly recommend this book to everyone looking for an airy light hearted read. It's incredibly creative and beautifully written."

A series of poems all forming a short Korean Drama novel of two best friends that might just be in love with each other. Both have conflicted emotions and one might be lying. Watch out, you might just get fished into their washed up love story.

A Times New Romance story that was created to allow the reader to build their own details within the story. The main characters name, how she changed, and how it all really ended, the readers create it themselves. Let your mind wander with Naughty Fish!

Winner of The Beach Awards 2018 for the Chicklit category!
Naughty Fish made the Watty's 2018 Shortlist for poetry! It was also nominated as 3# for The Poet category. 

All Rights Reserved © 2019 by Times New Romance

Hey guys, this book is highly cliché and extremely cringe-y, proceed at your own risk.

First blurb:

Everyone is gonna be happy getting to know that their bully doesn't want to bother them anymore but with Cassandra Steven it is different. She is bothered when he comes back from where he went to two years ago, changed.

To her, there is more than it meets the eye and she is interested digging it out. Is it sheer stupidity or Miles actually means more to her than she thinks he does.

Second blurb:

Meet Miles Wells, your average jock, player and Cassandra Steven's personal bully.

Then meet Cassandra Steven, a movie addict, your practical teenage girl, novels lover.

When Miles leaves town, Cassandra is happy the cause of her problems is gone but now he's back and she's freaking out only to find out one thing.

He isn't interested in bullying her anymore, he isn't interested in anything anymore other than leaving the hellhole called highschool with good grades and great football skills.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the writer.

In simpler terms, honey, steal my baby and I will haunt you.

The language might be a bit matured and there might be some sexual references.

I also tend to go back and forth between American and British English and this hasn't been proofread so proceed at your risk.

HEY, CASSIE...

Miles Wells was the pain in Cassandra Steven's ass two years ago until he left town and went miles away.

Now he's back and she expects him to continue doing what he does best; bully her but there's a huge shocker. 

He's changed.

He is no longer the player everyone knew him as or the bully Cassandra knew him as, he's now a broody student who's only interested in finishing highschool with top grades and improving his football skills.

Of course, Cassandra should be elated that he's not interested in bothering her anymore but reverse is the case, despite the disagreement with her friends, she is interested to find out what made him change.

Would she listen to her friends, what really made Miles change, would Cassandra just mind her business and concentrate on finishing highschool like Miles is interested in?

Find these and many more in this teen fiction that will keep you awake till 3am.

"I wish I had the guts to walk away from what we had, but I can't, because I know you won't come after me, and that's what hurts the most."


[ Author's Note ]

Thank you for choosing this book. I assure you that you'll get more interesting things than what you expected by reading the simple blurb of this book. 

-This is my second book. 

-This is the first draft. 

I am a big fan of unrequited love so wrote this book for you... 

Please read and enjoy the story happily and if you want, you can truly point out my mistakes, I seriously don't mind. 

Wish you a happy day.

[ ᴜɴʀᴇǫᴜɪᴛᴇᴅ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ]

"Let me go, Heath. You know it's wrong." I whispered, as he shifted himself closer towards me. 

"What's wrong with me hugging you?"

I took a deep breath. "You just got cheated on by my sister who you were about to marry in some weeks! Not to mention, you loved her so much you fought against your whole family to marry her. Is that enough of a reason now?"

With that being said, he left me abruptly and I could feel him still standing behind me. "You just have to mention that now, don't you? When I'm trying to cope up with the truth?"

"It's the truth. You really were getting married to-"

"Is that the reason you're leaving me?!"

I frowned. "What?"

"I was going to marry Kiara. You didn't like it-"

"Why wouldn't I like it if you'd marry my sister?!" I yelled, my own temper rising at his random observation. 

"It's simple. You were jealous."
 
___


Eight years working your butt off for someone you love, only to watch them fall in love with your own sister and propose a marriage by your help, is not something everyone have guts for, to do. 

Follow the journey of Heath Evercrest and Hazel Scarlett, as Hazel struggles to put up with her employer's sudden unexpected odd request, while her own heart threatens to betray her sooner or later, in her own quest.

___

Warning - Contains kisses and some scenes that might make you blush.

Copyright © Melancholic Charm 2020.

Happy Holidays, guys!

*

To MrSanguine, hello there. Sorry for this late review. 

The holidays have made me lazier than usual. Anyways, here is your requested book review. Note that this is merely a summary of my initial opinions as another reader of your work, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

This review took a while because when I checked out your book again, the first chapters were taken down because you were still rewriting them, I suppose.

Moving on to the general critique...

COVER: 

really nice text effect and font choice;

mysterious colors and the background image suited the story's genre, setting, and themes

BLURB/SUMMARY:

the blurb was effective and well-written;

 definitely hooks the reader in;

the premise it presented made me want to click on the 'READ' button

1st Chapter:

Great, realistic imagery and impressive scene-setting right off the bat. The narrative voice is established right from the beginning. 

The second paragraph needs some edits. The sentence structures could be varied in this part.

The way you used this format: 

DEPENDENT CLAUSE, + INDEPENDENT CLAUSE 

kind of disrupted the narrative flow. I suggest you rephrase a few of the sentences. The words 'aroma' and 'seduced' didn't quite go with the rest of the descriptive phrases, too. Maybe keep the dark thematic tone consistent. IDK. Just an opinion.

In the other paragraphs, you used the same sentence structure one time too many. Maybe some parts could be revised to change up the narration from time to time. 

Overall, the prose was effective and well-written, and I didn't come across glaring errors or grammar issues.

Some minor corrections:

...than live uncomfortably in Heaven. (typo)



and I chuckle to myself—  (an em dash would be more appropriate than a hyphen since you're indicating a break in thought)



Breathing, I check to see if there *are* any randoms   (typo)



aren't too bad—they're just   (em dash)



doesn't do much, either. (missing comma)



Damn. I need to oil the hinges. (or you could use another dash to indicate a pause)



probably in his early forties (no hyphen needed)



that's already happened—I need to focus (em dash again)



"Face it; you aren't getting

Charlie won't help; it'll do nothing except

(a semicolon would be more correct instead of the commas)



"Isn't illegal, either." (comma needed)



viewpoint of illegal could be different. "What type of job?"  (no paragraph break needed since it's still Darius speaking)



Kraken's pocket—must be the reason...  (dash) 



"Sure. When do I speak to Kraken?" (full stop needed)



*

I may have missed a few more but I'm confident further rewrites will sort out all the kinks. Some parts with consecutive chunks of narrative paragraphs and the lack of dialogue kind of disengaged me from reading through everything, but I guess it's just my short attention span talking again.

 This review is short and not so in-depth since  I can tell from the first parts alone that you're not new to writing.  I'm intrigued to find out about Darius' background and what will come off his plans to take up the delivery job, and I was curious enough to read on to find out more about Kraken. 

All in all, you're good at character development and first person narration. Third person Past tense POV is my preference but your writing held my attention longer than most action fics I've come across on here.

Keep up the nice work.

Good luck with the next chapters!



Your friendly critic,

M

Submit your story to the critique list if you want an honest feedback on your work. 


If you want a constructive critique or just an honest feedback on your book and writing skills, read the rules in the 1st chapter.


Note that my critiques can be pretty thorough (depending on my availability and mood of course), and they are far from overly generic and sugarcoated to the point of being unhelpful. This is not for authors who are merely fishing for compliments. As a content writer by profession, I have ample experience in non-fiction and technical writing, as well as proofreading and content editing.

Kaiden is a billionaire. 

Kealey is the sister to Layla, this Billionaire's Maid.

Having to fall in love with Kaiden despite Layla's advise not to, Kealey might just take the most stupid step in an excuse of achieving her dream.


That's the blurb.


***

So guys, thanks for stopping by to read this book, I love you for that. 


Don't forget to follow my Facebook Author page: Author Gift Odulesi 

(Be Active).


Join my Facebook group: Author Gift Odulesi (Gift's readers)


Instagram: @giftodulesi


I hope you love this book because I'll try my best to make it a great book. I'll need your support.


Also, don't forget to leave a nice five-star review on this book. You can't be loved any less by this Author. Thanks for being so amazing by reading.


Anyways, I hope you like it and it suits your taste!💓


Anyways, this book is officially starting today which happens to be my birthday, December 7, 2020. Happy Birthday to me and Happy Birthday to "Billionaire's Lover"😁.💓

**daily updates** 
Kaiden is a billionaire. 

Kealey is the sister to Layla, this Billionaire's Maid.

Having to fall in love with Kaiden despite Layla's advise not to, Kealey might just take the most stupid step in an excuse of achieving her dream.

Chapter 1: Dedication and From My Desk
Dedicated to anyone and everyone who has told me they would read a grocery list if I wrote it. 
Let’s put that to the test, shall we!      
From the desk and overactive brain of Jay Crownover:
Are you scratching your head in befuddlement and asking yourself where in the hell this book came from? Are you reading and then rereading the blurb trying to figure out what it’s all about? Well, have no fear, my friends, in my very typically up-front and blunt way, I’m going to tell you everything you need to know moving forward.
First of all, if you clicked this book just because my name is on it, thank you. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for believing in me. And thank you for having faith in my words. If you clicked because you liked the cover, the blurb intrigued you, or simply for the hell of it… ain’t nothing wrong with any of those reasons in my book. I will tell you this isn’t a copy and paste of anything I’ve written before, so if you’re expecting tattoo artists, heavy metal singers, or car thieves you are going to be bummed out. It’s also set up like an old-school, romantic suspense. That doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty of the main couple getting on and getting on each other’s nerves… it just means there is also a very definitive bad guy who shows up and makes life miserable for everyone involved. This book is also a single POV, the story unfolding as we follow our little lion through the most important week of her life. I have reasons for writing it that way that I’ll get into here in a hot minute.
Where did Retreat come from?
Well, that’s both easy and complicated. At the end of 2015 and early on into 2016, I found myself dealing with some pretty persistent and crippling pain resulting from a messed-up tooth extraction. It ended up infected and I needed surgery, which also got infected and so on and so forth. IT WAS MISERABLE. I was miserable. I was also doped up on any number of pain meds for around four months. I couldn’t concentrate, I definitely couldn’t write. I was worthless. That forced downtime meant I spent a lot of time in front of the TV with Netflix.
I found myself binge watching all the seasons of Longmire and got sucked into Ashton Kutcher’s show The Ranch. I watched the Hateful Eight, Jane’s Got a Gun, and all kinds of other western-based movies and TV shows.
I know you’re thinking… why? I thought you only watched Die Hard and Bob’s Burgers, Jay… but alas… I actually grew up in a small mountain town littered with cowboys and ranchers. The boys I went high school with had gun racks in their pickup trucks and wore Wranglers, not Dickies. As a teenager, my boy bestie worked on the ranch next to my grandma’s property up in the hills. I would spend the weekends waiting for him to get home from either stock shows or the rodeo, or to come in from riding the property and beg him to take me for rides. (I never quite got the hang of horseback riding… but I can do-si-do with the best of them.)
I think because I was so sick, and in so much pain, I digressed back to my childhood when my mom took care of me and I didn’t have anything to do other than bug Jesse for rides on his horse. I got really nostalgic… a little reminiscent, and decided I wanted to write a book that was familiar to me in a different way than ink is. I wanted to step back into a place that no longer fit me, but still hangs in the back of my closet as a reminder of what was.
I decided I wanted to write a book based in the mountains, on a ranch that was run by guys who are not quite cowboys.
Come on now… you didn’t think I’d go full ten-gallon hat, boots, and spurs on you, did you? You should know me better than that by now!
 I wanted to write my kind of guys but put them in a western setting and see how they fared. They fared pretty fucking great if you ask me! But you’ll have to read on and meet the Warner brothers to see if you agree with me or not.
As for why this book is told only from our heroine’s perspective… that’s because it’s her story, her journey, her week where everything went so wrong even though she was trying so hard to do everything exactly right. Since I was hurting physically, I think that manifested itself into telling the story of a woman who was hurting the same way I was emotionally. There was no room for the hero’s voice in my head because I was too deeply wrapped up in purging all the nasty stuff that was happening inside of me out into our heroine’s tale. I can’t write a character if I don’t hear them speak; Cy was silent but Leo had plenty to say.
She’s probably going to rub you the wrong way at first… but give her time to get it together. Betrayal burns deep and it takes a long time for those embers to die down.
So, anyway… that’s the long and short of where this book came from. It’s completely different from anything else I’ve ever written… but it is startlingly similar to all the books I most love to read. You won’t be able to compare this to any of my words that came before it so I hope you give it a chance based on what it is and not what you think it might (or should) be.
As always, thank you for being here… and thank you for letting me be here. :)
Happy reading!
xoxo 
Jay

Every once in a while, you need to get away from it all.
I was a woman on the edge, shaken and shattered after a breakup that felt like it tore my entire world apart.
My best friend, sick of watching me drown in misery and melancholy, harassed me until I agreed to go with her on a week-long wilderness retreat.
She promised days spent bonding and getting in touch with our inner bad-asses. It was supposed to be all about the two of us roughing it and making do with the bare minimum. She assured me we were going to be pushed to our limits in ways that were unimaginable. Neither one of us could have ever guessed just how right she was.
Nowhere in the glossy brochure did it say anything about the fact I was going to have to battle the insufferable but deliciously rugged and sexy trail guide instead of the elements. The brochure also forgot to mention the part that warned when y
ou left civilization behind, there was no place to pack your inhibitions and fears.
I was told that I would be facing a week where the only thing I should expect was the unexpected. However, no one mentioned that I was going to have to fight for my life…and my heart as soon as I ventured into the unknown.
I was a pro at hiding from my feelings but when it came time to face a real threat, one that could change everything, I learned I was more of a no surrender, no retreat kind of girl.

Retreat is created by Jay Crownover, an eGlobal Creative Publishing signed author. 

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