(PART OF REVIEW SWAP) Warning: Everything I say is subjective and it's just a reader's perspective and all that. I'm just one person, and this might not be my type of novel. First Impressions: Wow, those really are 4 whole chapters before the first chapter. I've never read a book where the glossary was at the start, but it kind of worries me that you might not explain it later on since it's already here. I kind of skipped over 'Nightshade' since I'm not a fan of reading dictionaries. Onto the prologue. I actually think this could act as chapter one since it introduces your major characters. Now, I know that prologue is just another word for introduction, but I noticed that a lot of people just skip the prologue and jump into the first chapter, which is not great, especially when you have multiple prologues. The writing is great. I think the grammar is almost perfect, though there are some things like putting a period before a quotation mark ("like this.") and putting a period before continuing a quote ("Like," said Dan. "I don't know if that's right"). Other than that, you have good descriptors and an overall nice writing style. There are some things like Kael saying "Was it a dream?" like three times in a row and also talking to himself though, so I think the dialogue can be improved just a bit ("I can't just accept that some shadowy figure appeared out of nowhere and started talking to me" is kind of a strange thing to talk to your self about. If it was me, I would've had the whole sequence just be him thinking in his head instead of whispering to, particularly no one). Characters: Now, I only read the prologues and skimmed the next few chapters, but so far, it's pretty good. I like Kael as well as Jake - while he lasted. It looks like a solo adventure so far, which is good, but it might become a problem if he keeps talking to himself. It might just be me and since I don't talk to myself, I don't know if that's how it works, but since this is a novel and not a movie, I think he can just keep his thoughts as thoughts. As for Kael, he's a good old protagonist. He's curious and adventurous - more than the average person. What more can I say? Plot: So far, it's looking like a good 'isekai-type' adventure. My only complaint is that it's a bit slow. So far, we're in the real world, researching, then go to this new world (Forrest) and then he's at a meadow by the end of chapter 2. Bot counting 'Nightshade', it took us 4 chapters to get here, but I think it could've been done in two (maybe even by just stitching the chapters together and tweaking some things). Chapter 2+3 and Chapter 4+5+6. I'm not saying you should change it that way, but it just feels like a natural progression of plot for me. Final Review: Too many prologues, good writing, and good characters, but Kael talks to himself too much, the plot is fine, but the pacing is a bit slow. Overall, I think this is a good start but of course, you can revise the chapters f you want to. What I like to do is keep a 'definitive' edition in a Google doc, as the final product which encompasses all the chapters. There I make changes like swapping chapters and such. I have a pipedream of publishing so, lol. So far so good, 8/10.
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i will try to fix that
