Okay, firstly this is some fantastic execution of plot. The first chapter is captivating and keeps the readers interest till the very end. All in all a great way to start the story. Now what I didn't like was confusing dialogue quotations and punctuation mistakes. Though as we progress further in the story these mistakes reduce in number so, I might be nitpicking here. Other than that the story is fantastic.
Silent_Listener
2の人に「いいね!」しました
いいね返事はありません。最初になろう!