Apprentice4
Seeking Dao through writing. For any queries, suggestions, or messages: Apprentice#8660 on discord.
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本を読む
You can delete all of these comments of mine then bruv if you've made changes
'the' girl makes it sound like a title, you can rather use sth like 'vilian, a young girl'
So, I'll divide this review in pros and cons. Pros: -Author has an interesting concept going for him, especially in terms of MCs power and his hidden identity. it would simultaneously make a great slice of life and action novel -The familiar school setting makes it easier to relate to -It's worth it to pass time, especially when it's hard to predict the happenings Cons -The author's perspective is inconsistent, some lines are written in the past while some in the present, some active and some passive, though nothing that good editing can't fix. -The choice of words could also have been better but again that'll automatically get better with time. What's important here is keep experimenting, keep doing new things with it, try to create something completely original. As for the problems with language, they'll get better with time. All the best!
too chuuni💀
it makes my vision "magnified" instead of larger*
remove 'a' before dazzling and space between my and self
Author uses vivid and clear description that makes the novel look like a piece of art. Of course, this style still has a lot of scope for growth but I believe this writing will keep getting refined as time passes. I especially like how the characters are revealed so slowly and carefully and aren't one dimensional at all. Moreover, the flow of the story alone makes it a worthwhile reading. Good job, author-kun.
Vilian the girl sounds a bit odd
Yoo you forgot Jing and Jiang, too many MCs with those titles
Thanks man, also sorry for the messup, appreciate your comments
There's a twist with it✨