slowpokeChaos
I believe in the saying that if you want to know someone, then read their work. ;) Join discord server to talk with me. https://discord.gg/ba8R4f3dqx
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slowpokeChaos10mthに返信 Folfyunfortunately didn't receive much readers and I am demotivated to write this.my upcoming story 'Return of Crimson Sword God' got better emotional first chap though.I love it.
この本は削除されました。- slowpokeChaos11mthに返信 slowpokeChaos
I may have added the laughing emoji. but the question is serious
3) There will be no netorare in the novel. I'll even ask readers for their opinions in polls for certain scenes. The last thing I want is self inserting readers crying and bitching over useless things. - slowpokeChaos11mthコメントCh 1 Zhu Feng
- slowpokeChaos11mthコメント
Zhu Ying
この本は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos11mth発表
- slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
u making it sound like the dude just discovered their deathbut previous paras implies something else ..?
But now that they are dead, the thing that was breaking him the most was the same warm memories of his parents. The darkness inside him now felt boundless and endless and he was lost in it, cold and alone. - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
....I not i.also too much .... takes my immersion out.I understand what u are going for but repeating the words didn't achieve it
"I want their warm love back, i want to hug them again, i want to see them again, i want to see them laughing and smiling again, i want play with my father once more, i want to eat the food made by my mother, i want to....i want to...i want to....i want to...i want to.....i want to....." - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
why 'my' 😭😭
Without wasting his words on such a monster, Andrew moved towards him, his right hand outstretching towards the old man's head accompanying my right hand was a black pistol. His eyes never left the black bloodshot eyes, as he pressed the nozzle at the temple. - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
on the floor*and I guess u missed so before that"so much that anyone would"
He looked so pitiful with his slim bony body draped in a pure white lab coat, sprawled in the floor, crying like there was no tommorow, that anyone might've felt sympathy towards the pitiful old man. But not Andrew. - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
no need to say 'indicating his old age' when u literally started with old man
The old man before him looked to be in his sixties, he had a head full of white short hairs and cracks spreading all over his face indicating his old age. His bloodshot black eyes were spewing streams of tears that kept flowing with his mucus leaking from his snout. - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
had not has
The young man called Andrew, has never felt any more disgusted in his life, seeing this old man. - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
I not i
"Andrew, my boy, i made you! How can you kill me? Please stop this!" An aged voice shouted. - slowpokeChaos1yrに返信 DaoistfKFASsCh 1 Why Do You Have to Go Back?
- slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
better use small demon instead of the name as mc still hasn't remembered the name
この段落は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
even i don't know the meaning of coruscating. Of course by the sentence I can infer that coruscating can be shinning. Still better use simple, understandable words.
この段落は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
'them' for streams of light? Doesn't make sense. Or the demon lord and Ruel are present? Make this more clear.
この段落は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
scream is mostly high pitched voice and that breaks the imagination lol.
この段落は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
ngl most reader will think that gargantuan is the swords name. better use huge. Also you use a lot of commas. I suggest keeping sentences short.
この段落は削除されました。 - slowpokeChaos1yrコメント
better say stayed silent for a few moments
この段落は削除されました。