iam_adh
ライティング
読書の
299
本を読む
The first chapter was a bit short to me and there's not much that I can go off of but I do have suggestions. When it comes to dialog, its best to have the person speaking have its own paragraph, for example: Auo raised his hand to his temple, rubbing his head to lessen the oncoming headache. "I don't want him on my team," he said with anger laced in his tone. "Too bad," Beck began," he's the only player left so you must have him on your team." Also, some sentences were incomplete and lacked tone and mood. Despite this the plot is interesting and the setting isn't too hard to understand. The characters so far are realistic and the world background has potential to become more.
Some of the sentences were formatted in a weird way and it greatly disrupted the flow of the story. However the use of words in some instances were lovely. The story has potential it just needs a tad bit of editing here and there and it would be like any other gem. Keep up the good work!
Again with the ( ") and ( ' ), ( ' ) needs to be changed to ( " ).
For internal monologue's I suggest you use ( ' ) instead of ( " ) because ( " ) usually means someone is talking to another.
Ayoo?
She needs to work on her anger issues and her attitude.
I like how soft the story is, presumably. I also like the real life mental issues are fetishized and the author seemed to put much work into their project. There are some typos here and there and the realistic effect is a bit complicated to explain. However, this is a good book so far. and I expect good things in the future!
The writing is lovely. It's been a long time since I've seen writing of this quality on Webnovel. The novel itself is interesting and I have high hopes for it. As of now the novel is in its early stages so I can't give the most thorough review but this novel shows promise. Keep up the good work author!
Watch him not remember
nani?
oh my god please
lol
Nope I wouldn't want my SO to do that to another person.