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_Vlad_

_Vlad_

Lv4

Blah blah blah...

2019-05-17 入りましたMexico
-d

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0.9h

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4839

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6

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8
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_10d
    コメント

    IMHO this style feels like reading a summary of a chapter rather than a chapter from a novel... not my thing really. You did not describe anything and simply mentioned that it had hapened.

    この段落は削除されました。
    Naruto with Curse Techniques
    アニメ·コミックス · Asura_7uh
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_4mth
    コメント

    I think that you might be abusing the "flashbacks" a bit... in this part there was no problem for Hawkins to simply tell the story himself and that way you could describe how he felt about it, how his people felt about it, and give an insight of his personality directly. Hope it helps...

    *Flashback 24 years ago*
    One Piece: Trafalgar Law
    アニメ·コミックス · komega
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_1yr
    コメント

    Desolate Era! This brings back good memories...

    Ch 25 Chapter - 25
    TDG: Son of the Lord of the Ten Worlds
    アニメ·コミックス · Demon_King22
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_1yr
    に返信 Austin_Scott

    age = 4, power = 2

    この段落は削除されました。
    (rewrite)Biokinetic Ability in Dragon ball
    アニメ·コミックス · Kaioshin
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_1yr
    コメント

    I find it a bit confusing the way you are structuring the story... like the last two chapters started somewhere at the middle of the previous one but with a different POV? I think the story might flow better without it... those chapters that repeat what the story already mentioned but under a different POV to add the personality or way of thinking of another character always feels a bit out of place for me (not saying you did that in this story... just a bit or a rant inside the rant). It would feel better to use those different POV to show how the other characters think when telling a new part of the story unless you are doing a mystery novel and even there feels kind of cheap? Especially if you are not updating that often. Sorry for the rant, I am liking the story in general and only hoped to give a bit of feedback. Cheers!

    What did you think of this Chapter? We resumed the previous chapter after Jackson's death. I wanted to show a bit of what happened after his death, and how Lara felt about everything that was happening.
    DC: William Black: Prívate Detective
    アニメ·コミックス · Name123001o2o
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_1yr
    コメント

    Perhaps it is just my own preference but I cannot really understand why people here love to use "flashbacks" so much... unless the writer is trying to fix a whole in the plot or trying for some suspense. Jumping back and forward whit "flashbacks" is kind of annoying and breaks the immersion. Sorry for my little rant, I am enjoying the story thou

    Ch 22 Chapter 22: Seals!
    Young Justice: Copy Wheel Eye
    アニメ·コミックス · Arokey
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_3yr
    に返信 Version_401

    The power stone button normally disappears shortly after the novel is started and only returns when the word count reaches about 10,000 words. That is the reason why many fanfics have 1 or 2 chapters titled 'do not read' filled with gibberish, I don't recomend it as many readers hate when that happens. What are the use of the power stones thou? Wouldn't it be better to just be patient? Are you going to continue updating here? Or should I looke for the new one? I like the story, regards!

    Ch 10 [Preparations! Part-2]
    The System: Pureblood Gamer
    書籍·文学 · Version_401
    detail
  • _Vlad_
    _Vlad_3yr
    コメント

    Dark Angel... I don't remember reading a FF of that setting in this site. Cheers!

    Ch 12 Chapter-12 : For a Noice journey
    Ultimate player
    映画 · I_Am_Noice
    detail