Jmitch1

The novel is good for what it is. It has great promise and makes you want to read more with the MC. But, you’ll soon find yourself skeptical of how the MC operates, how he knows so much technical-know-how in such diverse fields, and how he navigates the world he’s in to get what he wants. It seems too… easy. Even though you know, there is a practical and more believable alternative to getting what he wants. For example, instead of leveragint someone’s reputation to get a loan with no basis, put the building you own that has roughly similar value as collateral. Also, A lot of the things the MC gets away with or talks himself into getting, would not happen in the real world or be a lot harder. I feel as if the real world basics are not properly covered, such as some laws or policies as well as some world building, and as soon as a love interest is brought into it, the story begins to feel more forced than it felt before. I feel as if the novel just needs a lot more work. It’s ambitious and has a foundation, but it’s lacking.

Does he own the land? What’s going on?

He took out a loan using someone else’s influence. But I thought he would but his building up as collateral

Idiot

Young-Master syndrome, RIP

Man, this story needs an editor badly

I was thinking this from 2 chapters ago!!!

Lol

I’m enjoying your book very much. The only issue I can forsee, is the lack of a goal for the MC. He’s always seemed lost. And even though he desires adventure, there hasn’t been enough worldbuilding to explain or give hints as to where he’ll go for adventure or what in particular he wants to do. Another thing. You switch to present tense at times. It’s a complete throw off, and I hate reading in present tense personally for books. But the switching drives me out the story. It could be for others as well. Also, you left a suggestion, but I find it odd that a couple could get married and not consummate it. Meaning the girl the MC is in love with would have likely been taken by a man he hates. An interesting premise, but I think it’s a relationship that should be considered dead. Shes married, her husband is still alive… and the family will not be on his side (outside of the sister). It’s a messy affair. Watching him go through grief is one thing, but I hope it’s not something continually pursued. I hope he finds someone new. Anyways, overall, it’s a great story so far. I’m having fun, which is the most important. Keep up the good work!