Chapter 2 : Xenia

Xenia p.o.v.

Standing up from the cold wooden chair, I peeked at those letters. Ugh, I didn't think I can work now, not when my whole body was trembling with desire, desire of Father Nicholas.

I was afraid that I will reply to those letters with something very inappropriate description of my carnal thoughts because right now, my mind could only think about Father Nicholas and I could only write about him…

So, I left. Obviously, I didn't want those erratic thoughts to come out and flatten on the pages, to be on the show for him. And I couldn't even imagine what will he do with me if he finds out about it.

Perhaps he will send me to the confession room or prayer room…or worst send me directly to the Pope, the bishop of Rome. I doubt even he could help me.

No one could, not even God himself can help my evil soul. The carnal desires which I was hiding for almost two years were becoming excruciating now. And it was a matter of time before they will force my body and mind to do something lethal, something unpardonable, A sin.

The old stairs made a lofty clomp sound when my bare feet touched their surface. I was aware, that I gained some weight, but I was not that heavy that these stairs were making this irritating sound. If we didn't renovate this tower fast, then I am certain, one day this fortress will be going to deteriorate, taking me with it too.

Going upstairs, I picked up my nightgown and lustre after lighting all the five candles on it. It was slightly heavy, but I somehow managed to roam around with it. It's better than walking in the darkness because this tower perceives as scary as the night.

I could live with other kids in the Church too, but I felt more comfortable here. Coming out of my room, I glance at Father Nicholas' room, the door was closed, sadly.

His room was just next to mine. Only we two were living here. Our rooms and a large bathroom were on the fourth floor. Two offices and a kitchen area on the third floor. The rest of the tower was abandoned, and cannot be used because of its disastrous condition.

Everyone here seems to be ratified about me being living with a man alone. I think they didn't realize that I was not the same thirteen-year-old little girl who will see a man like him, as a father.

Or they think that no one can be that audacious to even think about a priest like that. Unfortunately, they were wrong.

They weren't aware that their future queen was so presumptuous that she was not even thinking about a priest, but about the same person who raised her as his own and loved her as his daughter. Father Nicholas was even more loving than my own father…

Going inside the bathroom, I set the lustre near the enormous bathtub. It was one of the reasons, that I wasn't moving out with other kids as I had to share bathe with them and what could I say…they were not that friendly towards me and I wanted my bathe, peacefully.

It was the only place where I could act on my own and not be forced to act like a mature queen.

Removing the white cloak and my silk gown, I stripped naked. My body grazed the rose-filled warm water, forcing a blissful moan from my lips. Taking a deep breath, I settled myself comfortably.

His scent was lingering here, making my body yearn for him...I couldn't touch him, but I could still touch the same water his body fondled. The intoxicating scent of his redolence was hitting my nose. No wonder, he always smells that good. Leaning against the tub wall, I picked up his bathing oil, it scents like sandalwood mixed with french roses. I smirked, once a royal, always royal.

He always brought these expensive bathing oils. This one was new, but I liked the old one better. Perhaps, it had been more than ten years since he took celibacy and left that royalty life of his, still his imperial habits were hard to ignore.

I opened the jar, inhaling the mild incense, reminding myself about what had happened in the room. His body had that same fragrance when he stood near me.

My hand meandered over my body, my hard nipples to my waist, and then to that sinful place between my thighs. I glanced at the closed door and empty bathroom. No one was there, just me, darkness and that small amount of light coming from the candles.

He wouldn't find out if I used his bathing oil, would he?

Licking my dry lips, I dribble some of the oil over my breasts, the same oil which touched his skin. Touching my chest with one hand, I massaged my bosom, imagining his rough hands instead of my soft ones...Oh, hail mary...forgive me for my sins, I prayed inside my mind, before continuing that assault on my hard tits.

I closed my eyes, picturing those deep blue eyes on my exposed body. The way he looked at me with such a longing, and that rough yet caring touch of his hand.

My other hand cupped that forbidden place, which I shouldn't touch before marriage. I slowly caressed my warmth. Parting its lips, I rubbed there for some seconds and then slowly insert one finger inside me. My toes wriggled, my back arched, and my lips parted in that euphoric sensation.

Biting back a whimper, I opened my eyes. His room was just next to the bathroom, I didn't want him to hear these guilty moans of mine.

He was so close yet so far…

Putting the jar aside, I grasp my breast with one hand, lightly squeezing it, nipping my hard nipples between my fingers. My other hand was between my thighs, thrusting the finger inside me, I stared at the mirror in front of me.

My unclad body, shrouded in rose petals, his bathing oil, and in the same water his body stroked minutes ago.

I was certainly not looking like a queen now. What will he think, if he saw me like this? What will he do when I'll do these immoral things in front of him, in front of the man who saw me just as his daughter…a man whose thoughts and body just belonged to god...Will he touch me...will he do things with me...or will he leave?

It will be so dirty, so sinful yet so alluring.

I glanced at the closed doors, what will happen if that door opens, and he will see me like this… My fingers started thrusting faster, imagining his ocean-like blue eyes, on my body, looking at me lustfully, his throbbing hard member inclined to take my innocence.

Warm liquid flooded from my inner thighs, thinking about the person I could never touch even in my dreams. My eyes get closed, my head tilted behind, my finger shoved deep inside me, and then... I finally moan his name, “Nicholas” for the first time.

It perceived, like moaning his name, gave my body a different kind of ecstasy. My entire body shivered when I rub my clit with my other hand. My finger, still inside me, thrusting deeply and swiftly.

“ Nicholas…” I moaned again, taking deep breaths and thinking about his seductive eyes and muscular body.

It didn't feel wrong, not even the slightest bit. I knew this was a sin, and I am a sinner. But if it means, I could feel like heaven doing it, I will do it again and again until the ground will open and pull my sinful body into the fire of perdition.

I wonder what will sister Marina do with me if she will find out, about this. She was the one who told me about what happens on the first night.

She became a nun at the young age of twenty-three after his husband died in the war. She didn't have a choice, though. Her family forced her.

One day, I asked about all these immoral things, she hesitated in the starting but who can dare to refuse the future queen… So, she told me everything. She thought I was curious and wanted to prepare myself for the French king, to satisfy him after marriage. If only she knew, I was asking that to satisfy myself.

It was working through, for almost six months, but not anymore, I didn't just want to imagine him. I wanted him, I wanted him so badly. But he will never be mine. I took a deep sigh, removing the wet finger and standing up from the bathtub.

Looks like even a queen cannot get everything she wants…