20 The Price Of Valor

After I gathered my wits about me, I had to search the house for any appropriate clothing. I didn't find anything even close to what I needed. I raided the linen closet for a brown sheet and found some bobby pins and tied it into knots to cover my waist, some of my chest, and a kind of hood to cover my head. It was enough to temporarily hide the essentials and I searched the house again for anything useful.

I didn't find any food, money, or weapons, so I had to abandon the safety of my first hovel and ventured out into the danger to look for another abandoned house. It look me a while. I snuck inside and closed all the window blinds and shutters and searched it for clothing and food. There was nothing. I didn't sigh or curse in frustration, because that wasn't going to help me.

Three hours later and six more houses finally netted me an okay result. It was a damaged two storey house that was only partially picked over, which meant I found several piles of old clothing. They were drab and lacked bright colors, which the population favoured, so I had a lot to choose from.

Thankfully, I found a pair of pants that were several sizes bigger than my old ones. That was okay, though. I needed to disguise myself and stuffed the bigger legs to exaggerate my thighs and my calves before I tied them off to keep the loose clothing tight. I wasn't lucky enough to find a sewing machine in any of the houses, so I had to hand sew extra sleeves onto a sweater.

I sewed it twice, just in case, and stuffed them to give the impression I had extra arms and used old coat hangers to make them not just flop at my sides. It wouldn't pass a close inspection and neither would my hood, since it hid my head and some of my face, unlike everyone else I had seen in the other houses.

There was nothing I could do about that, though. It wasn't like they had a make-up and special effects business in town to give me fake ears and extra facial features like a huge nose or buck teeth. I had to make due with what I had and that was that.

I also didn't try to knock anyone out or copy their powers. With my previous experience, especially during the Endbringer battle with Leviathan, my body would adapt the powers to ensure I could use them. I did not want a back spine that could shoot bone shards, my fingers to split and grow claws, or generate acid spit. I would never be able to kiss Vista or Taylor again and that was too horrible to imagine.

I felt my strength waver and I sat down on the floor with my half-finished disguise a bit of a mess. I took several deep breaths and calmed down. My trek was only just starting and I would make it out of here. I wouldn't be stuck here for the rest of my life. My desire to see a normal human face was something I would never give up.

My resolve set once more, I went back to work. I used gloves for the extra hands and cut off the two middle fingers and sewed them up. Since I wasn't a seamstress, my costume looked mangled when I was done. I had no other choice if I wanted to move about without being caught. I needed food and I could only find it if I searched for it.

I dressed in my awkward clothing and I looked in the bathroom mirror. My reflection looked as ridiculous as I felt and I sighed, because my face wasn't hidden at all. It was then I realized that my domino mask, the one my rescuer wore, was gone. I felt tears start in my eyes and I leaned on the dirty sink and cried.

That had been my last link to the woman that had cared so much for me that she gave up her life to protect me. I hadn't tried to find out who she was in her cape or civilian identity, because I didn't want to inadvertently discover who I used to be. I wasn't that person anymore.

Also, the PRT kept that information away from me for a reason. If I hinted that I did want to try dredging up my previous history, I was sure that suspicion and distrust would soon be piled onto me, no matter how altruistic my intentions were. The son of potential villains could not try to discover anything about said villains or be feared he would become a villain, too.

You're an idiot, Alex. I thought and wiped at my eyes. I looked into the mirror and promised myself that I wouldn't look into my trigger event myself. I would ask Dragon to look and find out who the woman was. I had nothing of hers anymore and I wanted... no, needed... to reestablish that connection. Hopefully, Dragon would listen to my plea, understand my reasoning, and give me some hope.

I left the bathroom and grabbed several pieces of cloth and cut out appropriate eye holes out of one, sewed it to the other one, and flipped it inside out to make an impromptu ski mask. I put it on and nodded, pulled my hood back up, and ventured out into the town to look for food and hopefully find my way to wherever Nilbog was staying.

*

Everyone knew that Vista was putting on a brave face as she worked harder than she had before. They also knew Taylor wasn't trying to be subtle about helping her as much as she could. Their training sessions were brutal and they pushed themselves even more than they usually did. They both broke their previous records for time and performance, which made Miss Militia sad and proud.

The other wards, even the new guy Browbeat, did their best to not antagonize them or force them to face their feelings of loss and abandonment. It was difficult, especially for Gallant, since he could see exactly how the two girls were suffering through their emotions. He pleaded with Director Piggot to get a psychologist for the girls before they snapped.

Emily thought about her previously ignored requests for exactly that and decided enough was enough. She sent one final message to both Chief Director of the PRT Costa-Brown and the President himself and added the presidential addendum to her request as she vehemently protested that they were going to lose two more essential assets to Ellisburg unless someone got off their ass and did something about it.

Dragon monitored the communiques and chose to route them around the electronic blocks that Costa-Brown had on her console and the president's. She even sent a copy to Dr. Jessica Yamada, the world's premiere parahuman psychologist. Since she had never been ordered to not do that, she thought it fitting, because it would give Vista and Taylor a chance at dealing with their loss.

She didn't tell them that she had the feeds from some of the still working cameras in the city and hadn't seen Myriad anywhere. Crushing the hopes of two teenage girls was not a heroic thing, so she stayed silent. Hope was a funny thing, because even without a shred of proof, she also had hope that the charismatic young man had survived.

*

It had been five very long days of careful searching and not a lick of actual food could be found anywhere. I did discover that raw lumber tasted like sawdust when you chewed on it. I couldn't tell if it was my brain adding that caveat or if my taste buds actually tasted it, though. It didn't matter, because I was never, ever eating what the locals were eating. Their recently dead were converted into twisted animals and foodstuffs.

That was the thing about having an entire town cut off from the outside world for ten years. Eventually the resources would drop to the point that modern self-sustainability was just a pipe dream. There was still weather inside the town, since it was so large. The problem was that with no imports for food, no running water, no power, all the vehicles trashed, and no gas or oil, the town of about 5,000 people had quickly reverted into a medieval standard.

That wouldn't have been bad on its own, since humanity had lived like that for thousands of years before modern conveniences were invented. It was that Nilbog had gone full hog into the fantasy part of it and converted normal people into fantasy creatures that bred and lived on the carcasses of their brethren and predecessors.

After ten years, an entire society devoted to the Goblin King was as difficult to infiltrate as a bee trying to get inside a wasp nest. Any suspicious movement would get the bee stung. Any standing out or odd sounds would get the bee stung. Any movement towards the ruler would get the bee stung. Any movements to get away would get the bee stung.

It was maddening.

I was getting surprisingly good with precise lasers as I stripped another table leg to get at the raw wood inside. I had tried a few different things and a cleaned piece of wood was the best I could find that would trick my stomach into thinking there was something inside it.

I didn't try to go near the park again after the last time. It was a veritable forest that grew like weeds and was tended by a hundred beings like wood nymphs. The odd thing was the trees moved their branches to attack when you tried to cut them. The oddly colored sap when they were cut was never to be discussed.

*

"I don't want to talk about it." Vista said and crossed her arms under her breasts.

Dr. Jessica Yamada smiled at her. "It's only natural for girls to talk about clothing choices, Missy."

Vista squinted her eyes at the woman and looked away without speaking.

Jessica gave her a searching look. "Why do you keep distancing yourself from your civilian identity?"

"Because my life sucked!" Vista spat, angrily. "It caused my trigger! I hated my life! IS THAT TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND?!?"

Jessica looked surprised for a few seconds before she schooled her face into a smile. "Now we are finally getting somewhere."

Vista glared at her and spoke with as much venom in her voice as she could as she bit out each word like it was its own sentence. "I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It."

Jessica crossed her legs and rested her clasped hands on her thigh. "Did you know that most triggers push parahumans to intentionally create conflict?"

Vista's glare lessened as she thought about that and looked away again.

"It's quite fascinating, really." Jessica said. "Not all of them, of course. Some are quite passive while others alter the conflict to be more personal, sometimes even for financial gain."

Vista wasn't sure where she was going with that. She just knew it was going to be about Alex and waited for the doctor to get to the point.

"Parian is a good example. She uses her powers for fashion design and even creates the occasional cape costume." Jessica said and waited for a few moments to see if Vista was going to speak. She continued when Vista stayed quiet. "Even major villains like Accord run an entire organization instead of going out and fighting personally. His battles are in boardrooms and against his own eccentricities."

Vista looked back at the short dark-haired woman and opened her mouth to ask why she was telling her that, changed her mind, and closed her mouth.

"Myriad could also fall into that category." Jessica said.

There it is. I knew she would bring him up somehow. Vista thought and remained silent.

Jessica held in her sigh at Vista not taking the verbal bait. She wanted the girl to ask about why she thought that and Vista wasn't playing along. "Would you like to..."

"No." Vista interrupted her and turned her head away again. "Please refer to my previous answer of not wanting to talk about it."

Jessica stopped holding in her sigh. "I am trying to help you deal with your problems, Vista."

"I don't need..."

"I am a professional psychologist and I'm here to help you talk things out. It's even in my job description." Jessica said with a smile.

Vista wasn't having it. "You know, giving me that smug smile every time you think you're imparting essential information, is really irritating."

Jessica's smile disappeared and she kept her face blank.

"I wouldn't mind talking about things if you had one shred of information that dealt with Alex's situation and what's going on there." Vista said and it was Jessica's turn to not speak. "No? Not one single piece? Then I think you are failing to do what you said was your job, doctor."

Jessica couldn't say anything, thanks to the NDAs she had signed to get the full story. She watched as Vista stood, wiped at the tears that had started, and walked out of the office. When the door softly closed instead of slamming like she expected, she knew that Vista was right. She was failing at her job and she couldn't help the girl that was hurting because everyone was trying to protect her from the truth.

Alex Powers was never coming back.

*

It was the ninth day inside Hell and I could honestly say that starvation sucked. My body still looked perfect and that was great. The problem was my stomach and my intestines constantly gurgled and demanded food. I was also feeling weak. I mean, I was still super strong and could fly like a lightning bolt; but, I didn't feel like I wanted to. I knew my powers weren't enough to save me on their own, since none of them could get me some goddamned FOOD.

I had searched everywhere and there was nothing. Canned goods had been raided years ago and consumed by the creatures, as the rusted cans attested. Dried goods were laughably absent, besides their empty boxes and torn apart containers.

There were makeshift farms around the outskirts of the town and those were so heavily guarded that I might as well throw myself into the town's square and strip off. Not that I would eat whatever the creatures called vegetables. I couldn't even identify them and I did not want to eat anything that could crawl off my plate after it was cooked in a fire.

I knew I was losing it and my mind was straying from needs to wants and I was losing sight of my goal. I tried to keep it on track. I needed to survive. It was difficult to keep going, because I had to keep punching my belly to get it to SHUT THE HELL UP! I don't HAVE any FOOD, GODDAMMIT!

A soft growl came from somewhere that was not my stomach and I turned my head to see a wolf with two heads and blood red fur staring at me. No, that was actual blood. I think. The creature lunged at me and I caught it in my gloved hands. It's claws tore at my sweater and it tried to disembowel me with its back paws.

I just stared at the thing that was trying to kill me and probably eat me. It only took 6 hours of mental speed for me to make a decision. I broke both of the thing's necks and ran for the closest empty house. I knew them all by heart now and I tore up part of a wooden floor to gather enough wood to fill the fireplace. I used a laser to light the fire and also stripped the wolf of fur and bones.

A quick trip to the kitchen netted me a nice pot that I added some rain gutter water to and I stuffed it full of meat and shoved it into the roaring fire. I waited for a very, very, very long time mentally for the meat to boil and cook. It was almost worse than not having anything to eat! It was RIGHT THERE and I wasn't EATing it yet, because it wasn't READY! It's not ready! IT'S READY!

Ambrosia filled my mouth as I chewed on the most delicious meat I had ever tasted. It just fell apart and it was so succulent and tender that I devoured half of the pot before I realized I needed to save some of it. I couldn't waste it. No, no, no! Waste is bad. I needed to save it. Where could I save it?

I zoomed through the house and couldn't find anything to store the delicious meat in. The fridge didn't even have a door on it and there were no containers or anything anywhere and I really NEEDED to save my meat! MY MEAT!

My mind seemed to make a snap sound and I suddenly froze. My entire body locked up and my mind sped up to its fullest. Without my conscious choice, my mental trump power had kicked in. For some reason, I saw a mental list of everything I had been suffering from and it was a lot.

I had been caught in a delusional state of fugue, almost like a tinker trance, that was caused by six different toxins and viruses that I had been breathing in since I arrived here. They had been constantly pummelling my brain and it took consuming actual food for my brain to fix itself.

Starvation was a physical condition that affected the brain in various ways, the main one an autonomic response to feed, just like breathing. Since it wasn't power related and was my own body's reaction, my brain couldn't differentiate the effects from that and the power induced effects of the viruses which reinforced them.

It was a really insidious way for Nilbog to keep control of his creatures. It was no wonder why they never wanted to leave the area. They were locked into a vicious cycle of gathering food, cooking food, and saving food. They were all perfectly fine with dying, because they knew that they would be getting even more food to eat and to make more creatures to get more food.

I spent a mental week analyzing my behavior and knew that if I didn't eat regularly, I would succumb just as I had this time. I couldn't allow that to happen again. There was no telling if I would snap out of it again, considering I almost didn't snap out of it this time.

My body returned to my control and I did the smart thing. I went to the bathroom and grabbed an old shower curtain, rinsed it off with rain gutter water, and used a laser to cut it into a proper shape to make a bag. I put the cooking pot with the cooked meat into it and doused the fireplace flames. I tied the bag to my belt and nodded.

With a source of food and a means to cook it when necessary, I left the house before anyone could come and inspect why smoke was coming from an abandoned house. It had been stupid of me to out myself so blatantly and I wouldn't make that mistake again. I would be more careful and I would continue my search, now that I remembered I was supposed to be searching for.

Nilbog, here I come.