Gaps in knowledge

"You did a good job." 

Just a few moments after the entire senseless slaughter was over, Ayda approached me from the back. While her hands were bloodied, the grin of satisfaction on her face was enough to confirm that, for her own misfortune, the female general was alive and kicking. 

"So did you. But still, it feels kind of surreal to just evaporate such a huge number of people. Like, I don't know if I'm really unfazed by killing them all or if the impact of doing so just have yet to settle in my mind. To a certain degree," rubbing my chin, I looked helplessly in Ayda's eyes before finishing, "I'm worried whether I'm losing my humanity or not."

Staring down at the sorry remains of what used to be a camp, I could feel just that. Absolutely nothing. A bit of cold from the afternoon's winter, intense stares on my back of the witches we saved, pleasant silence… I was capable of experiencing it, but it seemed as if something blocked me from actually feeling them.