Chapter 58: Hina

"Just as I mentioned earlier, my boyfriend died in our second year of high school. To be honest, I think we were perfect. We understood each other the best. We found home just being together, it made all the worries go away. He never told me of his disease until his final month. Just like Yukino, he broke up with me after telling me the truth. My world crumbled. I've lost everything. My home, my lover, my friend, my joy." 

"I'm sorry Hina." 

"Don't be. It's not your fault anyway. It's not anybody's fault. After all these years, I feel like I still can't understand why he did all of what he did. Why he kept it a secret, why he broke up with me. Why he loved me. I never arrived at an answer for myself. He wanted to be away from the reality that he's dying and found a way through me. Did he even love me truly? Or was I just an outlet to separate him from reality? I never cared. He was still my home, my lover." 

"I don't think that's the case. I'm not really sure but I think he did all of it with pure intentions. He loved you, he wouldn't have dated you otherwise, knowing that he's dying. You became his hope amidst all that darkness inside his heart. To answer why he broke up with you, I think Yukino already answered that in her letter."

"You're probably right. I think I knew this but I'm just struggling to find something to hold onto to keep me sane after losing him. But don't get me wrong, I moved on already. That's when you came in. You've had my attention even before your confession. You always seemed to be distant, away from us all which I admired as if you are living in your own world without a care. Then you confessed and my heart skipped a beat. I know I like you but I've already put up a wall. I never wanted to lose someone again. It's just too hard for me. Letting you in would put me at risk of losing you and I can't fathom that, thus my decision to reject you. But I guess you really can't fight love huh? Considering how I'm still attracted to you even after rejecting you. How funny. You must be surprised."

I can understand now why Yukino reacted that way back when she was drunk in my apartment. So this is what she noticed from Hina huh? I never even had a single clue of this so you can paint me surprised right now.

"I think what you need is the courage to love. Knowing that love can hurt you. Of course it can make us happy, it can bring us over the clouds and make us see the world in different colors. But alongside all of these, there will never be a perfect relationship. So what do we do? We brace ourselves for the impact. Understand that couples will face different hurdles along the way. But nothing hurts more than not being able to give your love and just bottle it all up inside. Just take the leap of faith. Everything happens for a reason right?" 

"You're actually good at words huh? That's something I didn't expect from you considering how nonchalant you are usually. But thanks Aoi." 

"But keep in mind that you're a friend to me now okay? I don't mind you liking me, there's nothing I can do about that anyway. Just don't make things awkward after this okay? You know that I love Yukino so I think you'll understand. You'll find someone better than me, trust me." 

"Let's continue to be friends, Aoi." Said Hina with tearful eyes. 

"Yeah. Let's cheers to this shall we? close friend." 

"I guess you're the one rejecting me now huh?" 

"Yeah. That seems to be the case haha." 

Hina and I laughed as we laid down on the field of grass looking up at the stars. I guess our friendship will become deeper after this one. It's good to have friends. I'm thankful. Really.

As we were in a daze above us for quite some time, what Hina said about everything that happened to me and Yukino was her fault struck my mind. What did she mean? 

"Hina?" 

"Yo?" 

"What did you mean when you said that everything was your fault? You know, about Yukino and I. Isn't that our problem?" 

"Ah. If I didn't reject you way back then we could've become a couple." 

"Oh, that. Well, I probably would've fallen with Yukino anyway so I'm sorry haha." 

"Would you have cheated on me then?"

"No!" 

"Then what?"

"I don't know? Let's just exclude the what ifs. It never happened anyway and it's not your fault so chill." 

We spent a few minutes there before going back to her house. We moved quietly considering that it's 2 AM right now. Her family might be asleep already so I'll just greet them tomorrow morning. 

"Where should I sleep Hina?" I whispered.

"Just next door. It's my brother's room. He's in Tokyo right now so you can use it." 

I made my way to the room and it was neat, clean. A rather simple but calming room if I were to describe it. A bed by the far end corner of the room and beside it was a window. On the other side adjacent to the bed was an upright piano. I was urging to play it but I need to be considerate of the people sleeping so I'll do it tomorrow morning. I wonder if her brother is a musician? 

Ugh. I'm really dizzy. My head is aching even more now that I'm lying on the bed. Let's just pray that I don't vomit right now. Meeting Hina tonight might be really good as it took my mind off of the matter with Yukino. I need to focus on what I need to do right now. Yukino asked me to finish the book before she leaves us. How much time do I have? Will I be able to make it? I'll see her when I'm done with the book. Surely! 

The very next morning. I woke up and my head was still aching a bit. But it surely has gotten better compared to what I felt last night. My heart was filled with loneliness and it felt like it's about to burst anytime now if I stayed cooped up right here. 

Thank god there was a piano right beside me so I played it with all of my heart. I played Chopin's Ballade in G minor, op. 23. It's been a while since I last played this piece so there were noticeable mistakes but it didn't bother me. I was one with the piano and tears started falling down from my eyes to my cheeks. I was so immersed in playing that I didn't even notice that there were three people watching me who clapped right after I played the last note of the piece. 

"Amazing! Who is this onii chan Hina Onee san?"

"Oh that's my friend." 

Who's that little girl? Is that her little sister? Most likely. They look alike after all.

"This friend of yours is amazing Hina. That's some magnificently played Chopin right there." 

"Who's Chopin, aunt?" Asked Hina's little sister.

"A pianist. A great one." 

I'm guessing that's her aunt? I quickly stood up and bowed my head to greet them.

"Hello, I'm Aoi. Hina's friend. Thank you for letting me stay the night."