Chapter Seventeen

But that didn't take away the complicated feelings of

regret and guilt which still raged inside him.

 It was

the reason why he never l held babies. Because it hurt.

Because it made him remember and think, what if... 

Because, because, because..

Did Oliver sense his tension? Was that why the

infant suddenly screwed up his little face, as if he

was about to cry?

'Bounce him up and down a bit, advised Am-

brose, and Massimo shot him a silent look over the top of

Oliver's curly hair.

What do you know about dealing with babies?"

he questioned, as he tried to replicate what he'd seen

Toyin doing that morning. 

'You certainly weren't

around for any of your own. Do you remember the

time you turned up unexpectedly and Chase thought

you were the postman?"

"I know.I know." I hold my hands up to all accusa-

tions of being a bad father,' said Ambrose, with a sigh.

I married too young and too often and behaved like

a fool. But at least you've taken your time choosing

a wife, which might mean you've got a better chance

than I had.' 

He looked across the room. And she's

very beautiful.

Massimo froze as the door swung open, and as Sharla

reappeared he thought about the things she'd said to

him earlier. 'Sharla?' he demanded, his mouth twist-

ing.

'No, not Sharla.' Ambrose snorted. 

Sharla's like

one of those hothouse plants you see-equires con-

stant maintenance and remains as unpredictable as

hell. I'm talking about your black-eyed princess, who,

for all her upbringing, seems surprisingly normal."

Massimo opened his mouth to say that Toyin wasn't

his' anything, but something stopped him.

 He cer-

tainly wasn't in any position to be able to offer any

any

definitive judgement of the Princess, but privately

he found himself agreeing with Ambrose. She was

surprising, that was for sure, and not just because

she hadn't pulled rank-not once. Or because she'd

amazed them all by shovelling her way through an

icy bank of snow, wearing some of Molly's old ski

clothes and an unflattering woollen hat. Or even be-

cause she was fast proving the most enthusiastic lover

he'd ever known as her acrobatic feats in the shower

a while back had proved. One who had, despite her

inexperience, chipped away at his habitual cynicism

and reawakened a sexual appetite which had been in

danger of becoming jaded.

Oliver began to wriggle in his arms and as Massimo 

lifted him up in the air again the baby gave a gur-

gle of pleasure. Grey eyes not unlike his own met

his and Massimo felt a powerful pang of something in-

explicable as he stared at the newest member of the

Carter family.

"Ever thought about having children of your own?"

questioned Ambrose, with a sideways look.

'No,' said Massimo as Oliver's chubby little fingers

strayed towards his face, seemingly fascinated by the

tiny cleft in his chin which all the Carter men carried.

"Or thought about who you're going to leave your

fortune to if you don't have children of your own?"

Ambrose continued.

Massimo stared down into the baby's trusting eyes

trying to ignore the sudden ache in his heart. There are countless charities who will be glad to benefit

from my wealth.'

'But that isn't the same thing,' said Ambrose. "Be-

lieve me when I tell you that it all comes down to flesh

and blood. And that, in the end, nothing else matters."

The sudden reedy quality in his father's voice

made Massimo realise that the old man was thinking

about the end of his own life and it was a sobering

thought. He reflected on Ambrose's words during

the champagne toast and the cutting of the cake af-

terwards. It had never particularly bothered him to

think that he would not pass on his own genes, but

suddenly a wave of emptiness and futility swept over

him. Would he one day stand in a room like this, as

his father was doing? Only the difference would be

that he wouldn't have adult children of his own. He

would be standing there protected by the icy shell he

had constructed a lonely old man with nobody to

leave his vast fortune to.

The walls seemed to be closing in on him and he

found himself walking across the room to where Toyin stood, chatting to one of the godparents. Sliding

his arm round her waist, he manoeuvred her away

from the conversation, wanting the oblivion-giving

warmth of her body to chase away some of these

damned demons.

'Come upstairs', he said, his lips close against her

scented hair.

She drew back, eyebrows raised. 'Won't people

miss you?"

'Now.'

Sophie hesitated, thinking how autocratic he

sounded-and wondering if he always got his own way. But why refuse to accompany him just to make

a point? She'd had enough of meeting the occasional

baleful stare from Sharla, even though the model had

been nothing but steely politeness when they'd been

introduced.

She didn't say another word until they were back

in their room and she pulled the pashmina from

her neck, letting it flutter into a pale blue heap on

a nearby chair. 'So why the sudden masterful dis-

play of bringing me up here before the party's prop-

erly ended?" she questioned. 

'Was that all for Sharla's

benefit?'

For Sharla's benefit?" He frowned.

 'What's that

Supposed to mean?"

Sophie stared out of the window, at the black snake

of the newly shovelled driveway she'd helped clear,

before meeting R

Massimo's shuttered gaze. I don't have

any ex-lovers to base my hunch on but I've been ob-

serving people for as long as I can remember.' She

sucked in a deep breath. 

And for someone you split

up with such a long time ago, there seemed a lot of

underlying stuff going on between you both. 

"What did she say to you downstairs?"

'That's none of your business.'

"I thought you might say that. What's the matter,

Massimo-are you still in love with her?"

He clenched his fists. " In love with Sharla? he de-

manded hotly. Are you out of your mind?"

'What, then? she persisted. Because there's some-

thing there.'

"Something? Yeah, you could say that". He took a

step towards her. 

"You want to know what she said?

Do you? Would it make you feel better if I told you that she made it very clear she'd like to be back in

my bed again?"

She flinched. 'And that's all?"

'How many more questions was she going to ask?'

massimo wanted to tell her to mind her own damned busi-

ness or maybe silence her with a kiss. 

But Ambrose's

words and the memory of the baby who'd been wrig-

gling in his arms had loosened the floodgates he'd

kept in place for so long. Too long. He gave a bitter

laugh as he removed his tie with a violent tug and

slung it at a nearby chair. 

"You want the truth about

my relationship with her?"

He saw the faint concern which clouded her eyes

before she nodded. 'Yes,' she said quietly. 'Yes, I

think I do.'

She sank down on one of the arm chairs by the

blazing fire and looked up into his face. And although

the idea of sharing confidences was alien to him,

something told him he could trust Toyin. He sensed

she could be properly discreet as her upbringing had

taught her to be, but it was more than that. Something

strong and sure was shining from her black eyes to

cut through his usual icy reserve. But as that reserve

melted, he could feel the heaviness in his heart-so

painful and tight in his chest that it was hurting him

just to breathe. If he'd thought the years might have

lessened the sorrow then he'd been wrong. So maybe

it really was time he talked about it, instead of let-

ting it gnaw away inside him, like some dark cancer.